I should be sewing, or cleaning house, or doing any number of other more "productive" things, but for whatever reason, today I need to write. I need to just sit here in front of this keyboard and keep pressing these keys to make them say something, anything. I don't even know what I need to write about, I just know I need to write! For days I have been fighting it, just pumping out an occasional blog post between seams when someone pissed me off enough, but today I can't fight it anymore. so I am going to sit here and keep typing until the obsession passes.
I have mentioned before to those who follow along that I pretty much stopped writing for nearly 25 years because of the risks it posed to my real world make believe life. I couldn't let people know who I really was, or how I really felt about much of anything because my family wouldn't have approved. I let their narrow minded world views inhibit nearly every aspect of my personality, and my creativity, for more than half of my life. I can't do it any more.
When I blew up at my Father last year before Christmas I know I should have felt bad. I should be saddened by the fact that no one in my extended family has made a single effort to speak to me since then. But I don't. I don't feel bad for what I said, I do feel bad for waiting so many damn years to say it, but I don't feel bad for saying it. They have no idea how much pain they have caused me all my life by treating me as if there was something "wrong" with me not thinking like they did. They silenced and belittled me all of my life for having any opinion at all contrary to theirs, and they had absolutely no interest in knowing anything about who I really was or what I wanted from my own life.
I wasn't sad when they walked out of my life, I was relieved. A great weight was suddenly lifted from my shoulders. As if a giant anchor that had been weighing me down and holding me back all of my life, had suddenly broken free from its chain and there was nothing restraining me any longer. I am still learning to find my voice, as a writer, as an artist, and as a person, but I am finally free to find it. My husband and my oldest son keep trying to find ways to heal the wounds between me and my Mother, but I can't go back to being silent and withering away in the corner anymore, and I know that is the only way she will ever accept me. I tried all my life to be close to her, but the price I had to pay in losing myself is not something I am willing to pay anymore.
I am who I am supposed to be. I like who I am. I like the life I have chosen for myself, it has not always been easy, but it has always been mine. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I have learned from everyone of them and I hope I have become a better person because of them. I don't profess to be any better than any other person on the planet, but I refuse to stand by silently anymore while someone else claims that I am somehow less than they are because I don't believe what they do. Fuck that noise. Did that far too long already, I am done. I am no better than anyone else, but there is also no one better than me.
About: A little bit silly, a little bit strange, usually worth a giggle, or at the very least a smile. Everyone is welcome at Mother's, except stupid people, if you are stupid please go away now. Mother Loves everyone, unconditionally. Mother HAS to love everyone unconditionally, because she really doesn’t like people. So if She didn’t Love you unconditionally She wouldn’t like any of you at all.
Monday, July 30, 2012
"What Will the Neighbors Think?"
"What will the neighbors think?" Oh my freaking Gawd I hate that question! Stupidest mother fucking question ever asked in the history of all time as far as I am concerned. It was, of course, my Mother's favorite question, which may have some bearing on why I have such disdain for it. I swear I must have heard that question at least once a day, every day, for most of my childhood. What makes it all the more ridiculous a question than I might normally perceive it to be was that fact that my parents were never friends with any of their neighbors, they didn't even like the people. Why the Hell do you care what they think?
If you have read anything I have written or seen what I post on Facebook, you know by now that I don't give a damn what anybody thinks about me. Never have. That was the biggest problem I had growing up in my family, everyone else thought it was extremely important and I didn't care in the least. Maybe it is because I am crazy, but I find it extremely amusing that the people who seem to like other people the least, care the most about what those other people think about them! Or, maybe it is just much easier for me to Love everyone, because I don't care what they think. I don't know, but I find it funny anyway.
My Mother thought it reflected badly upon her if I did something weird, or socially "unacceptable", or otherwise "bad". I never had the heart to tell her that our neighbors thought badly of her and dad because were more concerned with their appearances than they were with their kid, I doubt she would have understood the concept anyway.
The kids in my Junior High School taught me that it really doesn't matter if you do everything right anyway, people are still going to think badly of you if they want to. I watched a young woman's life destroyed when she was raped and had the audacity to report it. "The Neighbors" called her a "whore"and thought she did something wrong! These are the people who's opinion I am supposed to care about? I don't think so. "The Neighbors" are fucking idiots. End of discussion.
For years I did let concern over what my Mother would think prevent me from doing a lot of things. Some of them it was a probably a good thing that I didn't do, but I also let it keep me from my art and especially my writing, and that was not good. For years I could not write anything because I was terrified it would get out and my Mother would read it. And, no matter how hard I try, when I try to write without offending her, whatever I write just turns out to be boring drivel. I knew even as a child that if she ever knew everything about me she would disown me. So I kept quite for 30 years, out of fear of offending my own Mother by being myself. Damn, that is a fucking sad statement. I mean, if I was a serial killer, or some other hurtful type of person, that might make sense, but there is nothing hurtful about me. I strive to be exactly the opposite, I give from my heart to the world everyday, in anyway I can, but that is not acceptable behavior in my family.
I do still tend to guard my words in fear, but only in fear of my government now. And that is also a very sad statement, one that I will address another day perhaps. But as for the neighbors, or the rest of the world, I couldn't care less what they think. I seriously doubt that any of them waste a whole lot of their time thinking about me at all! And on the rare occasion that they do think about me it is probably as "the quiet, crazy lady who does all kinds of weird stuff in her front yard", and that's okay with me. I know that where we live right now, half of the neighbors think my husband is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and the other half think he's a raging asshole. The funny part is, they are all correct! And at the end of the day, he doesn't care what any of them think any more than I do, thank goodness!
If there is one thing I do know to be true in this life it is that no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow. You can plan for the future and pray for an after-life till the cows come home, that doesn't prevent you from dying before the sunrises. So whatever time I do have in this life is far too precious to me to waste any of it worrying about what somebody else thinks about me. If you Love me, I will Love you. If you hate me, I will still Love you., I won't want anything to do with you, but that doesn't mean I don't Love you. But Love me, hate me, or anything in between, either accept me as I am or don't bother me, because I really don't care what you think. I am far too busy thinking for myself to be bothered with any of that.
If you have read anything I have written or seen what I post on Facebook, you know by now that I don't give a damn what anybody thinks about me. Never have. That was the biggest problem I had growing up in my family, everyone else thought it was extremely important and I didn't care in the least. Maybe it is because I am crazy, but I find it extremely amusing that the people who seem to like other people the least, care the most about what those other people think about them! Or, maybe it is just much easier for me to Love everyone, because I don't care what they think. I don't know, but I find it funny anyway.
My Mother thought it reflected badly upon her if I did something weird, or socially "unacceptable", or otherwise "bad". I never had the heart to tell her that our neighbors thought badly of her and dad because were more concerned with their appearances than they were with their kid, I doubt she would have understood the concept anyway.
The kids in my Junior High School taught me that it really doesn't matter if you do everything right anyway, people are still going to think badly of you if they want to. I watched a young woman's life destroyed when she was raped and had the audacity to report it. "The Neighbors" called her a "whore"and thought she did something wrong! These are the people who's opinion I am supposed to care about? I don't think so. "The Neighbors" are fucking idiots. End of discussion.
For years I did let concern over what my Mother would think prevent me from doing a lot of things. Some of them it was a probably a good thing that I didn't do, but I also let it keep me from my art and especially my writing, and that was not good. For years I could not write anything because I was terrified it would get out and my Mother would read it. And, no matter how hard I try, when I try to write without offending her, whatever I write just turns out to be boring drivel. I knew even as a child that if she ever knew everything about me she would disown me. So I kept quite for 30 years, out of fear of offending my own Mother by being myself. Damn, that is a fucking sad statement. I mean, if I was a serial killer, or some other hurtful type of person, that might make sense, but there is nothing hurtful about me. I strive to be exactly the opposite, I give from my heart to the world everyday, in anyway I can, but that is not acceptable behavior in my family.
I do still tend to guard my words in fear, but only in fear of my government now. And that is also a very sad statement, one that I will address another day perhaps. But as for the neighbors, or the rest of the world, I couldn't care less what they think. I seriously doubt that any of them waste a whole lot of their time thinking about me at all! And on the rare occasion that they do think about me it is probably as "the quiet, crazy lady who does all kinds of weird stuff in her front yard", and that's okay with me. I know that where we live right now, half of the neighbors think my husband is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and the other half think he's a raging asshole. The funny part is, they are all correct! And at the end of the day, he doesn't care what any of them think any more than I do, thank goodness!
If there is one thing I do know to be true in this life it is that no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow. You can plan for the future and pray for an after-life till the cows come home, that doesn't prevent you from dying before the sunrises. So whatever time I do have in this life is far too precious to me to waste any of it worrying about what somebody else thinks about me. If you Love me, I will Love you. If you hate me, I will still Love you., I won't want anything to do with you, but that doesn't mean I don't Love you. But Love me, hate me, or anything in between, either accept me as I am or don't bother me, because I really don't care what you think. I am far too busy thinking for myself to be bothered with any of that.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The "Controversy" Over Gay Marriage
Mother is angry again, or still, I am really not sure which anymore. It is starting to mess with my calm though and I am not fucking happy about that. I have been trying to sew for the past three days but I can't even concentrate on that because I am so damned angry. I am sick and tired of mean, selfish people, and I am especially tired of listening to them whine and complain about other people being mean to them!
If you have been around me for any length of time, you know Mother is an adamant supporter of all personal freedoms and the personal responsibility that is necessary to maintain those freedom. You cannot have one without the other as far as I can see. This whole controversy over gay marriage is so ridiculously freaking stupid to me that I find it hard to comprehend to start with, but then to have those who create the controversy try to claim that people shouldn't be upset about it, and they certainly shouldn't criticize it in anyway, well that is just wrong.
Let me be very clear here, Gay people did NOT cause the controversy over gay marriage, they are just the latest in a very, very LONG line of people who have been singled out for their "differences" and vilified and abused in the name of "God" and religion. I don't know what world some people think they live in, but in the world I live in, a marriage license is a legal contract issued by the government. Period. When my husband and I got married we went to the city hall to apply for our marriage license, not a church. And I do not recall anyone testing my virginity before they issued it, nor do I recall my father giving him any goats or sheep in return for taking me off his hands.
Just because someone sees marriage as a "religious institution" does not make it so for everyone else. If churches do not want to preform marriages for gay people, that is fine, I absolutely support their right to refuse to do so. I would not contribute financially to that church in anyway (not that I would anyway), and I might even talk about how I thought they were mean for doing so, but I fully support their right to do so, and to tell the world that they are doing so. But they have NO right to tell me that the laws of our government should conform to their beliefs. Churches are given tax exempt status for a reason, they are supposed to stay OUT of our government and its laws!
Okay, so the gentleman from the Fast Food Restaurant chain who actively opposes gay marriage is not a church, he is a business man, and he (I will give him the benefit of the doubt here because I really have no idea) probably does pay a lot of money in taxes, and he absolutely has the right to speak out on any issue that he wants to speak on, and support any cause he wants to support. As long as he takes ownership of his words and his beliefs, I actually salute him for standing up for what he believes in, and for telling people just where their money is going when they eat at his restaurants. I do NOT support his beliefs, I find them offensive, and as much as he has a right to express his beliefs, I have the same right to express mine.
People seem to conveniently forget that 60 years ago it was illegal for a black man to marry a white woman in some places in the U.S. of A., and why was that? Oh yeah, cause the bible said it was bad. 100 years ago women couldn't vote in this country, and why was that? Oh yeah, because the bible said that was bad. 200 years ago, slavery was legal in this country, and why was that? Oh yeah, because the bible said that was good! Does anybody REALLY want to have our laws determined by the bible? I sure as hell don't. And since the bible talks pretty adamantly against being wealthy and greedy and unkind, well, some people really ought to be careful about just what they are wishing for.
If you have been around me for any length of time, you know Mother is an adamant supporter of all personal freedoms and the personal responsibility that is necessary to maintain those freedom. You cannot have one without the other as far as I can see. This whole controversy over gay marriage is so ridiculously freaking stupid to me that I find it hard to comprehend to start with, but then to have those who create the controversy try to claim that people shouldn't be upset about it, and they certainly shouldn't criticize it in anyway, well that is just wrong.
Let me be very clear here, Gay people did NOT cause the controversy over gay marriage, they are just the latest in a very, very LONG line of people who have been singled out for their "differences" and vilified and abused in the name of "God" and religion. I don't know what world some people think they live in, but in the world I live in, a marriage license is a legal contract issued by the government. Period. When my husband and I got married we went to the city hall to apply for our marriage license, not a church. And I do not recall anyone testing my virginity before they issued it, nor do I recall my father giving him any goats or sheep in return for taking me off his hands.
Just because someone sees marriage as a "religious institution" does not make it so for everyone else. If churches do not want to preform marriages for gay people, that is fine, I absolutely support their right to refuse to do so. I would not contribute financially to that church in anyway (not that I would anyway), and I might even talk about how I thought they were mean for doing so, but I fully support their right to do so, and to tell the world that they are doing so. But they have NO right to tell me that the laws of our government should conform to their beliefs. Churches are given tax exempt status for a reason, they are supposed to stay OUT of our government and its laws!
Okay, so the gentleman from the Fast Food Restaurant chain who actively opposes gay marriage is not a church, he is a business man, and he (I will give him the benefit of the doubt here because I really have no idea) probably does pay a lot of money in taxes, and he absolutely has the right to speak out on any issue that he wants to speak on, and support any cause he wants to support. As long as he takes ownership of his words and his beliefs, I actually salute him for standing up for what he believes in, and for telling people just where their money is going when they eat at his restaurants. I do NOT support his beliefs, I find them offensive, and as much as he has a right to express his beliefs, I have the same right to express mine.
People seem to conveniently forget that 60 years ago it was illegal for a black man to marry a white woman in some places in the U.S. of A., and why was that? Oh yeah, cause the bible said it was bad. 100 years ago women couldn't vote in this country, and why was that? Oh yeah, because the bible said that was bad. 200 years ago, slavery was legal in this country, and why was that? Oh yeah, because the bible said that was good! Does anybody REALLY want to have our laws determined by the bible? I sure as hell don't. And since the bible talks pretty adamantly against being wealthy and greedy and unkind, well, some people really ought to be careful about just what they are wishing for.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Respecting Religious Freedom vs Respecting Religious Beliefs
I want to start off today by saying Thank You to everyone who showed their support and appreciation for yesterday's blog post. I was overwhelmed by the amount of love and positivity that almost everyone expressed. I even want to Thank the one woman who got herself banned from my Facebook Page yesterday by responding negatively to that post. She was kind enough to provide me with today's topic of discussion, and for that I am grateful!
This is gonna be another touchy subject for some of you, and I understand that so I will apologize in advance for any hurt feelings this may cause. I am not trying to hurt anyone, I never do, but I am gonna say what I have to say anyway. I am truly sorry if it hurts, but I am not sorry that I need to say it because I think it needs to be said. That being said, in all of the words of support and agreement I received, there was one woman who felt the need to voice her displeasure with what I had written. And she felt the need so strongly that she had to leave the same comment both here on the blog AND on the link on my Facebook page. Now you all should know that Mother moderates EVERY comment ever made in both places, I am rather obsessive about it in fact. And that NO comment that I don't like is ever going to be allowed to stay on MY page or MY blog. I have always been very clear about this, it should not come as a surprise.
Anyway, this very upset woman was angry with Mother because she did not feel I showed proper respect to her "God" or her religious beliefs, and that I should be more respectful. Ummmm, NO. Sorry, but that is NEVER going to happen. I absolutely, 100% support your right to believe whatever you want, to worship whatever "God" you want to worship. More power to you, I support and respect that right wholeheartedly. That does not mean I respect your religion, your "God" or those beliefs. I don't. And I won't. I am not saying that what you believe is wrong, I am just saying that I, personally, think it is stupid. That is just my opinion and it does not matter one hill of beans in the grand scheme of life so get over yourself. You don't respect my beliefs, why the fuck do you think I should have to respect yours?
I have never tried to convince any of you that there is no "God", if you want to believe in such a thing, that's fine. As long as it is making a positive affect (did I get it right this time Cousin Jennie? - I am trying) on your life, then I think that is wonderful for you. Personally, I do not believe in any "God", and having read the entire bible cover to cover I have to say that if I did believe he existed, I would think he is an asshole. Again this is just MY opinion and it has nothing to do with the price of tea in China so if I am "going to Hell" for it, fine. I spent ten years living in my own Hell when I was married to my ex-husband, so your "fire and brimstone" sounds like a vacation package in comparison. Bring it on.
My respecting your religious freedom does not equal my respecting your religious beliefs, anymore than you respect mine. We can agree to disagree, and go on peacefully co-existing forever as far as I am concerned. If you don't like my thoughts and beliefs on the subject all you have to do is not read them. That seems pretty simple. Its not like I am out writing laws that say everyone must be taught to believe as I do. I think the world would be a better place if they did, but I am not trying to force anyone to do so. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you say that "gay" people are unworthy of the same rights as straight people. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you try to have your religion taught in public schools or the commandments being displayed on public property. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you try to legislate what I can or cannot do with or to my own body. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you tell me I should be "killed" or "rot in Hell" because I believe differently than you, why in the world would you expect me to show any respect for your beliefs? Seriously? Can you not see how ridiculous you sound?
Unlike so many people these days I do take the few "freedoms" we have left very seriously. I am a firm supporter of the Constitution of the United States (and yes I have read that too!) and I will defend to my death your right to say what you want, think what you want, believe what you want, and worship (or not) as you want, just not in my house - okay? This is MY Home, I did not come to your house uninvited and shove my beliefs down your throat. If you are reading these words YOU came to MY house to read them. I am not forcing you to be here, you are a guest in MY home, act like it!
This is gonna be another touchy subject for some of you, and I understand that so I will apologize in advance for any hurt feelings this may cause. I am not trying to hurt anyone, I never do, but I am gonna say what I have to say anyway. I am truly sorry if it hurts, but I am not sorry that I need to say it because I think it needs to be said. That being said, in all of the words of support and agreement I received, there was one woman who felt the need to voice her displeasure with what I had written. And she felt the need so strongly that she had to leave the same comment both here on the blog AND on the link on my Facebook page. Now you all should know that Mother moderates EVERY comment ever made in both places, I am rather obsessive about it in fact. And that NO comment that I don't like is ever going to be allowed to stay on MY page or MY blog. I have always been very clear about this, it should not come as a surprise.
Anyway, this very upset woman was angry with Mother because she did not feel I showed proper respect to her "God" or her religious beliefs, and that I should be more respectful. Ummmm, NO. Sorry, but that is NEVER going to happen. I absolutely, 100% support your right to believe whatever you want, to worship whatever "God" you want to worship. More power to you, I support and respect that right wholeheartedly. That does not mean I respect your religion, your "God" or those beliefs. I don't. And I won't. I am not saying that what you believe is wrong, I am just saying that I, personally, think it is stupid. That is just my opinion and it does not matter one hill of beans in the grand scheme of life so get over yourself. You don't respect my beliefs, why the fuck do you think I should have to respect yours?
I have never tried to convince any of you that there is no "God", if you want to believe in such a thing, that's fine. As long as it is making a positive affect (did I get it right this time Cousin Jennie? - I am trying) on your life, then I think that is wonderful for you. Personally, I do not believe in any "God", and having read the entire bible cover to cover I have to say that if I did believe he existed, I would think he is an asshole. Again this is just MY opinion and it has nothing to do with the price of tea in China so if I am "going to Hell" for it, fine. I spent ten years living in my own Hell when I was married to my ex-husband, so your "fire and brimstone" sounds like a vacation package in comparison. Bring it on.
My respecting your religious freedom does not equal my respecting your religious beliefs, anymore than you respect mine. We can agree to disagree, and go on peacefully co-existing forever as far as I am concerned. If you don't like my thoughts and beliefs on the subject all you have to do is not read them. That seems pretty simple. Its not like I am out writing laws that say everyone must be taught to believe as I do. I think the world would be a better place if they did, but I am not trying to force anyone to do so. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you say that "gay" people are unworthy of the same rights as straight people. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you try to have your religion taught in public schools or the commandments being displayed on public property. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you try to legislate what I can or cannot do with or to my own body. You are NOT respecting my beliefs when you tell me I should be "killed" or "rot in Hell" because I believe differently than you, why in the world would you expect me to show any respect for your beliefs? Seriously? Can you not see how ridiculous you sound?
Unlike so many people these days I do take the few "freedoms" we have left very seriously. I am a firm supporter of the Constitution of the United States (and yes I have read that too!) and I will defend to my death your right to say what you want, think what you want, believe what you want, and worship (or not) as you want, just not in my house - okay? This is MY Home, I did not come to your house uninvited and shove my beliefs down your throat. If you are reading these words YOU came to MY house to read them. I am not forcing you to be here, you are a guest in MY home, act like it!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sexuality vs Morality
Mother is beyond being NOT Pleased this evening, she is down-right pissed. Fortunately I have calmed down significantly from the blinding rage I was feeling last night, but I am still fucking pissed. I shared a picture on Facebook last night with a quote from Betty White in support of gay marriage and some blithering moron has the audacity to come on MY PAGE and say something to the effect of "Gay people need to go back in the closet where they belong". Now if you know anything at all about me you should know that I do not tolerate that kind of talk. EVER! People do NOT belong in fucking closets! Your fucking shoes belong in the closet bitch! Your sick and twisted life view belongs in the fucking closet you worthless excuse for a human being. People should NEVER be put in a fucking closet! I did mention I was angry right?
So Mother has got some things to say about "morality" today. I am the first to admit that my "moral code" is probably not the same as a lot of people's. And I will also be the first to tell you that mine is better, and I really do think it should be "the law of the land". So in that way perhaps I am a hypocrite when I say other people shouldn't try to legislate their morality onto others, but there is one major difference, my moral code doesn't place any limits on what a person can do to themselves, unless it effects others. What a person chooses to do to or with their own body is no ones business but their own, there is no morality or immorality involved as far as I am concerned. For me, morality should be about how you treat Other people!
According to Dictionary.com - Morality is "conformity to the rules of right conduct". The "rules of right conduct" on my page are pretty clear - Don't type on My Wall if it is not nice. By typing those hateful and hurtful words on MY Page she was the only one acting "immorally"! Case fucking closed you judgemental fucking hypocrite!
All of this was pretty much a prelude to let me get away with talking about sex to be honest. I am really uncomfortable talking about sex. I mean REALLY uncomfortable, I don't even like to talk to my own husband about sex and we have married for almost ten years! And yes, we have a very healthy sex life, I just don't talk about it. But as uncomfortable as I am talking about it, I believe it is one of the most normal and natural acts a human being can partake in, and as long as you are not forcing it upon someone without their consent there is nothing immoral about it, ever (except in cases of adultery, but that goes back to how you treat other people). There is no right way to have sex. There is no right or wrong in sex, except in whether it is consensual or non-consensual. Non-consensual sex is ALWAYS wrong and ONLY "immoral" for the aggressor, not the victim.
I do not care what you think "The Bible" says, or what your church leaders say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. If you really believe "God man made in his own image" and "We are all God's children" and all that, why do you assume he that he somehow fucked up when he made gay people? Was he like "Ooops, sorry, didn't mean to make you love people of your same gender, but since I did now I will decide that you are bad for it" ? Really? You really think that way? And you worship that guy? That is so sad for you.
I am not gay, I think I have made that pretty clear. I have never had any interest whatsoever in having sex with another woman. It does not appeal to me. At all. Ever. That being made perfectly clear I hope, I think women are beautiful. I was stealing my dad's Playboys and looking at the pictures when I was a teenager, and I still like looking at beautiful women, with or without their clothes. And, truth be told, I don't particularly like looking at completely naked men. I am sorry guys, but them balls are not attractive to me. Wrap them up all nice and tidy in a pair of tight fitting undies and hell yes, I can drool over that all day, but I prefer the package be kept wrapped until it is time to put it to use. Maybe I am strange. I really don't know, and I really don't care. The only reason I am even admitting any of this to the world is to make the point that it doesn't really fucking matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Even though it is not something I like to talk about, sex is a natural human desire that should be enjoyed. There is a reason it feels good! If something is natural, and it feels good, why the hell are so many people trying to stop it? If there is a "God" and that "God" gave us orgasms, wouldn't it be worse in his eyes to demonize that gift than to appreciate it? Think about that one for a while.
My sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with my morality. To me they should be two completely different subjects. Yes, I had sex before I was married, hell, I had a three year old son by the time I got married, so? What does that really have to do with anyone else's life? I did not receive a dime of Welfare money before I was married either, so don't even try to go there. I have had more than a couple of sexual partners in my life, most of which I never had any intention of ever marrying. I am a 44 year old mother of six children (from three different fathers), and I enjoy sex. So what? I am married now, so that makes it somehow better? One has little or nothing to do with the other. The whole discussion is just ridiculous as far as I am concerned. Sexual repression has done nothing for this country but cause more problems, just like every other attempt to repress normal, healthy human behavior. People should not be afraid of their own bodies! And they certainly shouldn't be denied what little pleasure that this cold cruel world has to offer them. To me, denying people joy, that is what is truly immoral!
I do not understand why some people are so insistent upon concerning themselves with other people's lives and bodies anyway. If it does not directly effect you, mind your own damn business. And if it only effects you because you have chosen to let it effect you, get over yourself. People have sex. They always have, and they always will. And there is nothing wrong with having sex in whatever way you choose, as long as you don't force it on someone who does not consent. Period. End of discussion. I sure as hell hope I never see crap like that again, but sadly I am sure somehow that I will.
So Mother has got some things to say about "morality" today. I am the first to admit that my "moral code" is probably not the same as a lot of people's. And I will also be the first to tell you that mine is better, and I really do think it should be "the law of the land". So in that way perhaps I am a hypocrite when I say other people shouldn't try to legislate their morality onto others, but there is one major difference, my moral code doesn't place any limits on what a person can do to themselves, unless it effects others. What a person chooses to do to or with their own body is no ones business but their own, there is no morality or immorality involved as far as I am concerned. For me, morality should be about how you treat Other people!
According to Dictionary.com - Morality is "conformity to the rules of right conduct". The "rules of right conduct" on my page are pretty clear - Don't type on My Wall if it is not nice. By typing those hateful and hurtful words on MY Page she was the only one acting "immorally"! Case fucking closed you judgemental fucking hypocrite!
All of this was pretty much a prelude to let me get away with talking about sex to be honest. I am really uncomfortable talking about sex. I mean REALLY uncomfortable, I don't even like to talk to my own husband about sex and we have married for almost ten years! And yes, we have a very healthy sex life, I just don't talk about it. But as uncomfortable as I am talking about it, I believe it is one of the most normal and natural acts a human being can partake in, and as long as you are not forcing it upon someone without their consent there is nothing immoral about it, ever (except in cases of adultery, but that goes back to how you treat other people). There is no right way to have sex. There is no right or wrong in sex, except in whether it is consensual or non-consensual. Non-consensual sex is ALWAYS wrong and ONLY "immoral" for the aggressor, not the victim.
I do not care what you think "The Bible" says, or what your church leaders say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. If you really believe "God man made in his own image" and "We are all God's children" and all that, why do you assume he that he somehow fucked up when he made gay people? Was he like "Ooops, sorry, didn't mean to make you love people of your same gender, but since I did now I will decide that you are bad for it" ? Really? You really think that way? And you worship that guy? That is so sad for you.
I am not gay, I think I have made that pretty clear. I have never had any interest whatsoever in having sex with another woman. It does not appeal to me. At all. Ever. That being made perfectly clear I hope, I think women are beautiful. I was stealing my dad's Playboys and looking at the pictures when I was a teenager, and I still like looking at beautiful women, with or without their clothes. And, truth be told, I don't particularly like looking at completely naked men. I am sorry guys, but them balls are not attractive to me. Wrap them up all nice and tidy in a pair of tight fitting undies and hell yes, I can drool over that all day, but I prefer the package be kept wrapped until it is time to put it to use. Maybe I am strange. I really don't know, and I really don't care. The only reason I am even admitting any of this to the world is to make the point that it doesn't really fucking matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Even though it is not something I like to talk about, sex is a natural human desire that should be enjoyed. There is a reason it feels good! If something is natural, and it feels good, why the hell are so many people trying to stop it? If there is a "God" and that "God" gave us orgasms, wouldn't it be worse in his eyes to demonize that gift than to appreciate it? Think about that one for a while.
My sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with my morality. To me they should be two completely different subjects. Yes, I had sex before I was married, hell, I had a three year old son by the time I got married, so? What does that really have to do with anyone else's life? I did not receive a dime of Welfare money before I was married either, so don't even try to go there. I have had more than a couple of sexual partners in my life, most of which I never had any intention of ever marrying. I am a 44 year old mother of six children (from three different fathers), and I enjoy sex. So what? I am married now, so that makes it somehow better? One has little or nothing to do with the other. The whole discussion is just ridiculous as far as I am concerned. Sexual repression has done nothing for this country but cause more problems, just like every other attempt to repress normal, healthy human behavior. People should not be afraid of their own bodies! And they certainly shouldn't be denied what little pleasure that this cold cruel world has to offer them. To me, denying people joy, that is what is truly immoral!
I do not understand why some people are so insistent upon concerning themselves with other people's lives and bodies anyway. If it does not directly effect you, mind your own damn business. And if it only effects you because you have chosen to let it effect you, get over yourself. People have sex. They always have, and they always will. And there is nothing wrong with having sex in whatever way you choose, as long as you don't force it on someone who does not consent. Period. End of discussion. I sure as hell hope I never see crap like that again, but sadly I am sure somehow that I will.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Mother Really is a Study in Contrasts
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"Spring Fever" |
Someone once asked my the question, "If you were a quilt pattern, what would you be?" The picture above was my answer. It is bright and colorful, loud and cheerful, a little off-kilter and out of balance, and made up of little parts and pieces all sewn together with love.
You may have noticed by now that I am a study in contrasts. There are countless examples of my contradictory thought processes and behaviors in every aspect of my life. I have made peace with most of them, they are what makes me different, I guess, unique in my own twisted little way. They do tend to present some challenges at times though.
You know I love you all Dearly, but I don't like people very much. I do not care what people think of me, but I hate to offend people. I am generous to a fault, but I refuse to be taken advantage of by anyone. I am probably one of the most giving people you will ever meet, but I am extremely selfish. I am extremely intelligent, but I do stupid shit all the freaking time. The room I am sitting in is 73 degrees, but I have three layers of clothes on and I am freezing! I know my husband is the most wonderful man in the world, and I also know he is an incredible asshole. Its never either-or in my world, its almost always both or neither. I guess that's one of the reasons I have such a hard time understanding other people, they seem so singular in their views and beliefs and I am just incapable of thinking that way..
I grew up in an upper middle class family, but I have lived in "poverty" all my adult life, and yet I have never felt richer than I do today. I am lazy, but I like to work hard and hate having nothing to do. I love technology and use it every day all day long, but I still prefer to do a lot of things the way they did them a 100 years ago. I would rather use a hand tool than a power tool whenever possible. I can and do use power tools when necessary, but I'd rather use my own power when I can.
I don't care about appearances, but I devote a lot of time to trying to create beautiful art. I am scared to death of trying new things, but I am always trying to learn something I didn't know before. I love the outdoors, but I hate being outside unless the weather is perfect and the bugs are under control. I consider myself a modern, independent minded woman, but I have never wanted a career outside the home, not even when I had one.
I refuse to follow the crowd, or go with the flow, but I hate to make waves. I don't play favorites on things that matter. I don't have a favorite color, or a favorite flower or a favorite food, but I do have a favorite football team. I write all the time about being crazy, but I think I am probably far more sane than most people. I don't believe in any God, but I try to be far more "Christian" in my behavior towards others than most people who go to church every Sunday.
I love to travel and see new places, but I hate to leave my house. I love to take pictures, but I have remarkably few of my children. I want people to buy my art and my books someday, but I don't ever want to be famous. I have always wanted to teach, but I don't like to talk to people. I find humor in tragedies, especially my own.
I am sure I could come up with a hundred more examples if I sat here thinking about it long enough, but I think you get the picture. So if you didn't understand before why I always refer to myself as being crazy, maybe now you understand a little bit better. How could anybody live inside my head and not be a little crazy?
Monday, July 23, 2012
A Day of Dyeing
Well, I spent the whole day outside today! Mother was dyeing today! And I had a grand time doing it too! Technically I am still not done yet, I have the third batch of fabrics in the washing machine right now, and one more still pre-soaking outside waiting to be washed out. I didn't dye any t-shirts today, just fabrics for my quilt making. I spent the last few days cutting up a bunch of my hand dyed fabrics and was running low on certain color ranges so I replaced them. I did take a bunch of pictures of the process, but all my batteries for my camera died so you will have to wait until later for me to download them.
I ended up with about 4 dozen different colors of fabrics in varying shades of blue, purple, green and pink. I even over-dyed some of the batik fabrics I started last year, with varying degrees of success. They all look pretty, but some show the pattern better than others. I really enjoyed making the batik fabrics but I need a better set-up for removing the wax before I do anymore of it. That was a pain in the ass! Putting the wax on was fun though. you know me and tools, well, I bought dozens of little metal stamps and shapes to use with the wax, along with specialty tools and brushes, and a special electric skillet, just for heating the wax. I will use it all again, someday, but probably not this year.
I plan to use the rest of the summer to produce more handmade products for sale. I have all these skills and talents, and I have been giving them away all my life. It is about damn time I see if I can make some money at it. Actually I have made money from it in the past, sporadically. I have sewn professionally, both in a factory, and at home, many times over the years, but that was more about production than creation. This is about creation.
As I mentioned I have been cutting fabrics for a new series of quilts I am creating. I went through my boxes of batik fabrics I have collected and found some beautiful blue and purple fabrics this time and i cannot wait to see what they become. I have been calling these my "Serendipity Quilts", because I have just been cutting the fabrics into different sized rectangles, squares and strips, and then sewing them together. I have no pattern, no finished design of what they will look like, that's part of the fun for me. I will post some pictures when my camera batteries recharge, so you can see some of the ones I have done so far like this. I really like them.
I am tired after a long day of dyeing, so no bitching from me tonight. Hopefully I will have some time to write again tomorrow and I will have more to bitch about then. But for tonight - I'm out.
I ended up with about 4 dozen different colors of fabrics in varying shades of blue, purple, green and pink. I even over-dyed some of the batik fabrics I started last year, with varying degrees of success. They all look pretty, but some show the pattern better than others. I really enjoyed making the batik fabrics but I need a better set-up for removing the wax before I do anymore of it. That was a pain in the ass! Putting the wax on was fun though. you know me and tools, well, I bought dozens of little metal stamps and shapes to use with the wax, along with specialty tools and brushes, and a special electric skillet, just for heating the wax. I will use it all again, someday, but probably not this year.
I plan to use the rest of the summer to produce more handmade products for sale. I have all these skills and talents, and I have been giving them away all my life. It is about damn time I see if I can make some money at it. Actually I have made money from it in the past, sporadically. I have sewn professionally, both in a factory, and at home, many times over the years, but that was more about production than creation. This is about creation.
As I mentioned I have been cutting fabrics for a new series of quilts I am creating. I went through my boxes of batik fabrics I have collected and found some beautiful blue and purple fabrics this time and i cannot wait to see what they become. I have been calling these my "Serendipity Quilts", because I have just been cutting the fabrics into different sized rectangles, squares and strips, and then sewing them together. I have no pattern, no finished design of what they will look like, that's part of the fun for me. I will post some pictures when my camera batteries recharge, so you can see some of the ones I have done so far like this. I really like them.
I am tired after a long day of dyeing, so no bitching from me tonight. Hopefully I will have some time to write again tomorrow and I will have more to bitch about then. But for tonight - I'm out.
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