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Sunday, April 6, 2014

The Return of Mother ...

 Hello There Lovely Internet People!  Wow, its been a while since I last wandered over here hasn't it?  Sorry about that.  Mother has been going through some extremely intense anti-socialness lately and I figured it was probably best for everyone if she kept her big mouth shut until she got past all of that shit.  Not sure if I am completely past it yet, but for the most part it has subsided to a manageable level, I think.

I am still working towards making more videos for YouTube, but I am afraid they will probably be almost as random as these Blog Posts have been.  Right now I am really leaning towards making more artsy craftsy type videos rather than the political and social rants, mostly because I just don't want to deal with stupid people on YouTube.  I don't have the patience for it.  I might do a few more of the picture compilation type rants like the first two videos that I made, but they are more work than I really want to put into this, so they won't happen very often.

Okay, so what was Mother doing while she was hiding away from the world?  Well, I mentioned last Fall that I had come to the realization that, after making 50 freaking quilts for my family and friends, I don't particularly like quilting.  I mean, I do like parts of it, but the actual quilting thing, that I could definitely live without.  So I set off in search of a new hobby, one that would allow me to combine all of my other hobbies into a single all consuming obsession.  And I found it!  Its called Mixed Media Art, and I swear whoever came up with the concept must have had lived inside my head at some point.  Of course, even though this is a hobby that technically combines all of my other hobbies into it, it turns out that there are a whole host of supplies required that I did not already have.  To be honest, I had most of it, but there were several new tools and supplies that I found I just could not live without.  Surprise!  Hahahahahahaha.  Not.

Over the last several weeks I have tried my hand at book making (that was a semi-failed attempt), box making (still in progress, but looking promising), hat making (that was a major success if I do say so myself - see the pictures below), flower making (more fun than I really should be allowed to have), hand carving "rubber" stamps (using both pink erasers and actual stamp carving materials), bowl making and basket weaving (extremely fun but very messy, at least the way I did it was very messy), along with painting and mono printing dozens upon dozens of papers and several stilted attempts at Art Journaling (which is turning out to be the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, even though it is supposed to be among the easiest), as well as spending a few hundred hours trying to figure out the software for my Cricut machine (which I still have not conquered). So, yeah, I have been keeping kinda busy.   

And whilst doing all of that creative type stuff I have been compulsively binging on YouTube videos.  I have pretty much given up on Facebook, all it does is piss me off.  I try to post something on Mother's page almost everyday, but I have really lost my enthusiasm for it.  Even Twitter got old really fast, still not sure why, but I just didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I should have.  But being a home-bound agoraphobic with no social support system of my own I kinda need some sort of connection with the outside world, no matter how far removed it might be.  YouTube seems to be filling that need for me now, and it is doing a far better job than Facebook or Twitter ever did.  I have learned more stuff about more things in the last three months on YouTube than I ever knew I didn't know.  And since learning is what I love most, YouTube has become my new home.  I haven't found nearly as many channels to follow over there as I had Facebook Pages to follow (300 YouTube channels compared to 5,000+ Facebook Pages), but I do get to see everything that every channel posts as soon as they post it!  And I can go back in time and see every single video they have posted since the day they joined YouTube.  Nothing is hidden, or lost in time, I get to choose whether I want to watch what someone posts or not, nobody makes that decision for me on YouTube.  That is a very nice change of pace.                        

I think I told you all that I moved my creative work space into our little "Bonus Room" just before I took my hiatus from the outside world, and now, after several reorganizational attempts I finally have a workable space where I can get to most of the things I need to get to without hurting myself too severely in the process, and still have at least a small workspace left in which to create stuff.  And this morning I managed to set up my web cam so that it looks directly down onto my work space so I can start filming stuff, just as soon as I decide to quit freaking out about the whole idea of filming stuff.  

I am sure I have told you all before that I am not a people person.  I don't have very many friends, I don't speak to most of my family, and as much as I Love everybody, I really don't like people very much most of the time.  I don't like to join groups, have never been part of club, and generally just keep to myself most of the time.  It is safer that way.  And honestly, it is more fun, I enjoy my own company immensely.  But, (there is always a "but" isn't there?) I do feel very isolated most of the time, and occasionally even a little bit lonely.  Having the Facebook Pages, and this Blog, have opened up a new window on life for me and I do kinda enjoy the view (most of the time).  I am never going to be a hyper-friendly, outgoing, community oriented type person, that's just not me, but I would like to expand my horizons a little, and maybe even make a few more new friends.  Okay, the truth is I probably just want somebody to share my joy in my creations with that can appreciate it.  Its a little disheartening to spend a hundred hours on some art project only to have my husband say "That's very nice Dear" as he barely glances at it.  He tries to be supportive, but he just doesn't get excited about it, like, ever.  I am freakin' excited, and I want somebody to share that excitement with me, and since I don't have anybody else in my real life world to share it with, all I am left with is strangers on the internet.  You all might as well make yourselves useful.

I am not sure how much Blogging I will be doing in the near future, if I can get my ass in gear on YouTube I will probably switch over to Vlogging at some point.  Writing these posts is getting harder and harder for me, I have already been at this one for over 4 hours!  I just don't have that kind of time to spend typing, I need to make stuff!  Of course I am probably going to have to spend some time on editing videos, but I don't plan on making any major productions or anything, so hopefully that will be minimal.   

Well, wish me luck, and maybe even let me know if you would have any interest in watching artsy craftsy type videos if I made them.  Maybe if I knew somebody wanted to see them I might get around to getting them made a little sooner.  Its worth a shot anyway.  Until next time ...


Monday, January 13, 2014

Personal Issues And Social Media

Hello there Lovely Internet People! I hope everyone out there is having a pleasant day, enjoying this wonderful world we all have to live in while you still have the chance.  I have been keeping busy converting files and learning software in an attempt to get started on my new project, and it is going far slower than I would have hoped, but I am getting there.  I think.

There has been a lot of buzz lately in my Social Media feeds about what people should, or should not, be sharing on Social Media.  There was a woman who posted a live feed of her natural home birth on YouTube, and she got a lot of flack for that.  Then there are all the stories about people using Social Media to shame their children for bad behavior, and the responses to that get pretty heated on both sides.  Today I saw a story about a woman who is fighting breast cancer and "Tweeting" the experience to her followers, and there are at least a couple of high-profile assholes who decided that she shouldn't do that, and even went on to suggest that she should just "die quietly and quickly".

Now, as a person who shares entirely too much of her own personal struggles with the internet, I suppose it should not come as any surprise what side of the fence I am on with this subject.  But, it might.  I don't share my stories and my struggles because I want sympathy or attention, I share them because I know I am NOT alone.  There are other people out there who struggle with the same issues, or even completely different ones, who need to know they are NOT alone.   As far as I am concerned any personal detail of your life that you are personally comfortable with sharing should be shared.  If some one doesn't want to read about it, they sure don't have to, but it is there for those who do.

Please note that I was very specific in what I just said.  I chose the words very careful, as I usually do.  The key point here being "personal".  There should not be an arbitrary limit put upon what people can or cannot share of their OWN experiences, ever.  That being said, publicly shaming a child on Social Media is fucking BULLSHIT and wrong.  I am not suggesting that it should be made illegal, I am just suggesting that it is a fucked up way to raise a kid.  Yes, children should be held accountable for their actions, in person.  They should be taught to value themselves and othersPublicly humiliating them is not going to solve anything!  Every time I see one of those pictures all I can think of is, where is the picture shaming the parent for raising that kid?  If the parent posted a picture of their self, with a sign saying, "My kid misbehaved and I am dealing with it like a responsible parent" instead of posting the kid's picture, That would be awesome!  

I guess I have never understood the need to humiliate or embarrass children, especially in public.  Maybe because I received so much of that from my peers and the authority figures in my life growing up, I developed an extreme sensitivity to it, I don't know.  I just know I fucking hate that shit.  People who take a picture of their three year old doing something absolutely normal for a child to do, and then talk about how they will be able to use that photo against their child when they start dating.  I don't understand that line of thinking, at all.

So if you want to Tweet about that boil on your ass? Fucking go for it.  You want to Instagram your dinner menu, or your latest bowel movement?  Just do it.  Think you want to Live Stream your nervous breakdown?  Why the hell not?!  Its your life, you decide what you want to share, and I can decide whether or not I want to pay attention.  Seems pretty fucking simple too me.  

I am seriously tired of other people trying to limit my choices of how to spend my time just because they don't want to spend their time in the same way.  If you don't want to watch the video or read the tweet, you have that option, but quit fucking assuming that just because you don't want to see it that no one else does!  That is stupid.  And, on the off chance that you have a job that requires you to be an attention seeking whore, perhaps you should try to turn on just one brain cell before you go putting other people down because they are "just looking for attention".  Why in the hell is that okay for you but not for anyone else?  Everybody NEEDS some damn attention to survive, quit acting like that is a bad thing!

Until Next Time ...

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Making Light of Mental Illness

Hello again Lovely Internet People!  Long time no see!  I am afraid I have been so wrapped up in my own head again lately that I haven't been able to get in here and write anything interesting for all of you to read.  Hopefully I am finally beginning the long climb out of my own head so that I can start getting back into other peoples heads again.  Having an emotional and psychological meltdown on the internet is probably not the way most people would have addressed it, but you learn to work with what you have.

I was reading an article yesterday, (I think it was in the Huffington Post but I can't find it now to link it for you) about how people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses don't like the idea of other people co-opting their illnesses for petty issues.  They claimed that a movie star who says she must be bi-polar because she can't decide what color her hair should be is seen as demeaning to those who actually suffer with bi-polar disorder.  While I understand that trivializing other peoples suffering is an awful thing to do, I am not going to stop trivializing my own because that is how I have learned to cope with them, and it works for me. 

I think it far too important to bring mental health issues and illnesses into the light of day so I can't keep mine to myself.  Now, granted, not all of my issues have an "official" diagnosis from a "trained professional", but that is due to a lack of access to those "trained professionals", it does not make the issues any less real or my struggles any less valid.  I make light of my "obsessive compulsive crafting disorder" or my "bi-polar ego" because these are real issues that I really struggle with, and I don't think I am alone.  In no way, shape, or form am I trying to make light of the struggles of those who actually have OCD or a bi-polar disorder, their issues are far more complex, and in most cases, far more challenging than mine.  I do firmly believe that we are all a little crazy, and the more you pay attention to the world around you the more reason you have to be crazy, and there is nothing wrong with being crazy because it is really a totally fucking normal response to the world we live in.

I mean really now, we live in a world where "Christians" are preaching hate and selfishness as virtues, and a significant portion of the country thinks science is hocus pocus, the Bible is a history book, and the Flinstones was a fucking documentary!  Can anyone really tell me with a straight face that this shit isn't crazy?  Millions of people flock to the defense of one bigoted hypocrite flim-flam man spouting nonsense from the dark fucking ages, calling it "Christian values"?  WTF!?  Seriously, I just cannot even wrap my head around the level of insanity that that shit takes!

Misogyny, Homophobia, Racism, Intolerance, Bashing the poor, and glorifying gluttony, greed, false prophets and false Gods, like money, are NOT fucking Christian values and I am sick and fucking tired of these assholes being allowed to claim that they are!  Hate is NOT a fucking Christian value!  Christianity is supposed to be about loving your fellow man, helping one another, and NOT FUCKING JUDGING PEOPLE!  PERIOD.  Either get in line with your own fucking teachings or admit that you don't buy any of that crap at all!  If you want a "Christian Nation" you need to start acting like fucking Christians!  I am an Atheist and I behave in a more "Christ-like" manner than anyone I have ever encountered who claimed to be a Christian!

So yes, I am fucking crazy.  I live in a world that has lost its damn mind, how can I not be crazy? How can any of you not be crazy?  If you require a "professional diagnosis" I have three you can choose from: severe chronic depression, anorexia, and/or generalized anxiety disorder.  And I have no problem admitting that in a public forum any more than I would hesitate to admit having cancer or diabetes.  Mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of, they are fucking normal.  Just another fact of life, like poverty, that a little more understanding, and a lot less judging, might find a way to alleviate.

When I make fun of my struggles that is how I cope with them.  When I tell you I am obsessive compulsive with my hobbies I may be joking, but I also am totally serious.  I don't mean that I like to buy stuff, I mean there is an actual physical and psychological NEED to have these things, most of which I will never use.  The ways in which I have learned to cope with my issues are probably not the best ways, or the healthiest ways, but they are they ways I have available to me, so they are what I use.  And making fun of myself before anyone else can has allowed me to maintain a fragile hold on sanity that I just cannot relinquish.  

So If I have offended you at any time with my comments on these subjects please know that I never intended to do so.  If my struggles are not as severe as yours, or if you don't think I take them seriously enough, maybe, just maybe, learning to laugh at your own troubles might make them a little easier to bear.  I mean, its worth a try isn't it?  After all, as someone much wiser than I once said, "Don't take life so seriously, no one gets out alive anyway."

Until Next Time ...