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Sunday, November 27, 2011

Holidays

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone with no major issues between my Husband and my Father. It was actually a very pleasant afternoon for the most part. I got to show off my latest quilts to my most appreciative audience (my parents really do appreciate my quilting probably more than anyone else I know) the boys got to show off how smart they are, and Father got to show off his excellent cooking skills. I Love my parents dearly, but the tension when they visit is usually thick enough to be cut with a knife.

We live less than 5 miles apart, but we only see each other half a dozen times a year. They have no real interest in being involved in the lives of their Grandkids, which makes me sad. One of the most important relationships I had as a kid was with my Grandmother. She was a cantankerous old bitch, but she and Grandpa always had time for me and made me feel special and important. I could not wait to go to my Grandparent's house when I was a kid. My kids will never know the kind of closeness I had with my Grandparents, and that is sad. My parents just don't like kids, I think. They won't come out and say it, but they have never had any interest in spending time with any of their Grandkids, until they are adults, or at least close to it. My oldest son is probably the one Grandchild they spent the most time with as a child, but most of that wasn't by their choice.

But once the dinner was over and the dessert had been served, my folks went home and we were able to enjoy a nice quite weekend at home in a clean house with plenty of leftovers. So in the end, the four days of house cleaning and cooking turned out to be worth the investment.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Time

Time is a funny thing. Especially in relationship to our lives today. We spend hours each week playing video games, screwing around on Facebook, Twitter, or whatever other "social networking sites" are popular this week, watching mindless entertainment on television, and then at the end of the week we sit back and wonder where all the time went. What the Hell did we do with all of that time before all of those things where invented?

I didn't get my first computer until 1997, that's only 14 years ago. Yet, if I wake up in the morning today, and for some reason I cannot log onto the internet, my day is entirely fucked. I cannot wake up in the morning without checking my email (and now Facebook too), it throws my whole mindset out of whack. I would probably accomplish a whole lot more without the constant draw of the computer beckoning me every minute of every day, but I would have a really bad attitude all the way through it.

I never have enough time to do all of the things I want to do in a day. Mostly because I waste so much of it sitting in front of the computer. The television usually doesn't stop me from getting things done because I can work on most things while I watch (or ignore) whatever is on. Its these damn computers that suck up all my time. Unfortunately, about 75% of my "work" is done on the computer, so it is not like I can really get away from it anyway. Its just finding the motivation to quit screwing around (like writing a blog) and get back to "work" that is the problem. Father is always working on "work" and 100% of his work is on the computer so he loses his patience with me once in a while, but he has learned that he just has to get over it. I work. I work a lot. And I have a lot more "jobs" than just the ones that pay us money, and those usually have to take priority. He says I am being selfish when I spend too much time doing the things I want to do rather than the things that make money, and he's probably right (he usually is). But as I tell him, I am sorry, but I don't care. I will do the things that HAVE to be done when they HAVE to be done, I always do. But I will never spend as much time on the things that SHOULD be done as I do on the things I NEED to do.

I figured out years ago that Father will never understand me. I am so completely foreign in some of my thinking that he just cannot begin to comprehend the way I feel about certain things. Especially time. Time is precious, and I will always choose to spend as much of it as possible on enjoying my life. I spent fifteen years in Hell learning the value of both my time and my happiness, and the one thing I am still sure of is that I would rather die a pauper in an unmarked grave after living a life of joy and happiness and Love, than have some fancy headstone in tribute to a life spent in pursuit of money at the expense of those things. Fortunately my wonderful husband Loves me in spite of my crazy thoughts processes, and he knows how damn lucky he is that the things I do spend my time on keep me at home and out of trouble (most of the time) and they don't usually cost him anything except when he wants them to.

So maybe I am selfish with my time, and I know I waste far more of it than I would like, but I am happy with my life for the first time ever and I refuse to allow anyone to change that. I know I don't spend enough time on things I probably should, but if I did I wouldn't have the time to ramble on endlessly to complete strangers who really probably "should" be working too.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Its just sad ...

We really live in a screwed up world today. Life should be better than it ever has been, and for many people it is, but whether it is or not, no body thinks it is. I mean, its really quite ridiculous when you really think about it. Keep in mind I live in the US so I have an automatic step up in my standard of living from more than half of the world, and I know that. For my society, I live in "poverty", have since the day I moved out of my parent's house at 18. But, I am sitting on a very comfortable bed in a warm home, typing on a computer that allows me to not only communicate with the rest of the world (or at least the percentage with internet access), but to learn pretty much ANYTHING I could ever possibly want to learn! I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a family who loves me. I really have more in my life today than I have ever had, I feel rich in so many ways. But I am poor, and according to our society and many of our leaders here in the US that means I am lazy, and not a valuable member of society. It doesn't matter how many hours a day I work, or what kind of impact I have on the people who's lives I touch, if I am not rich, or at least trying to be rich, I am unworthy.

Do you have any idea how disheartening that can be? If you are or have ever been poor you probably do. Most of the poor people I know are NOT lazy! It takes a lot of work to survive in our world today without money, there is nothing easy about it. I made a deliberate, conscious choice to be poor, but most people don't have an option. There are lots of rich people who sit around eating fucking bon bons all day doing nothing, but somehow they are more valuable to society than the guy who picks up their trash every week? Our country is so fucked up its just unbelievable. We have families living in tents and cars, while other people have gold plated fucking bathrooms. I am sorry, I don't care who thinks they "worked" harder, that is just fucking wrong. My husband used to work with a woman who bought a house for her dolls. No, not a doll house, a real, 4 bedroom house in a nice neighborhood. No one lives there, she just keeps her dolls there.

Don't get me wrong i have no problem with people wanting to be rich, or even being rich. If you feel the need for all that, more power to you. But there has to be a limit people. And it shouldn't have to be a fucking law. If you have more money than any normal person in this country could spend in 6 lifetimes, try helping out your fellow man just a little. Do you really need 17 multi-million dollar homes? or could you maybe help somebody who didn't have the same opportunities or skills or even intelligence that you did? I just don't see how the super rich can sleep at night knowing that they are responsible for the suffering of so many people, and even those who are not directly responsible, they still responsible because they have done nothing to help. But since everyone in our country seems to be out for themselves and doesn't really give a crap about anybody else except in wanting to tell other people how they should live and what they should or should not do, but they have no interest in actually helping anybody or caring about anybody.

It so sad. We have become such an us-versus-them society that nobody seems to remember we are all just people. In 2011 in the USA there is no excuse for people to be homeless, or hungry. If our government has the money to rebuild buildings in Iraq and have troops fighting in any other country, if we can give money and food to countries all over the world, why is it wrong to take care of our own? I don't understand why some people think we have plenty of money to kill people any time they decide people should die, but we don't have any money to take care of the ones that those same people want to say have to be born.

I keep hearing this thing about how the Republicans are "the party of God", from what I have seen, they are the least "Christian" in their policies and platforms. I thought Christianity was supposed to be about Love and helping out your fellow man, you know the whole "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" thing and "love thy neighbor", oh and lets mot forget "judge not lest ye be judged"... Where do any of these fit into the Republican platform that wants to tell everyone who they can or cannot love, what they can or cannot do with their own bodies, but wants to "get government out of our lives"? The Republicans just confuse the Hell out of me, and as I have mentioned before, I come from an entire family of them. I am a poor atheist and I have given more of myself to others, inside my family and out, than any of them have ever even thought of doing, but they are the "good Christians". I choose to stay home and raise and educate my children rather than send them to day care and public school so that I could work at a job to make lots of money to buy them lots of crap to show them I love them since I was never around, but my brothers are amazed at home much better adjusted and smarter my kids are than theirs. Not that one has anything to do with the other.

I don't understand Democrats much better, but the Republicans, especially those in the Presidential race and the others who suck up to the media lately are all just a bunch a bullies! Mr. Cain is blaming the unemployed for not having jobs. Ms. Bauchman says if you can't work you should not get to eat. Mr. Gingrich saying that unless a person is a Christian they do not have any moral values (like you do, Dude? Seriously, this guy is going to talk to anyone about moral values? PLEASE!) They all seem to say its better to bomb other countries than to support the elderly and poor in this country. The only one I can even stand to listen to is Ron Paul. Yes, I know he is crazy, but I like some of his crazy. He believes in personal freedoms, I LOVE that. He has been trying to legalize both hemp and pot, I definitely LOVE that. Some of the stuff he says goes a little too far, but I like the general direction. Our government is too damn big and totally dysfunctional, and maybe taking the whole damn thing apart and starting over is the only answer. I do have a problem with just letting people die because they are poor, and frankly I think businesses do need a few guidelines to keep them from fucking up the world around them.

But the point is, why is that they all seem to think that I am somehow less important than Britney Spears in the grand scheme of our society? Yes, she is rich. Did she earn it? Did she have to work hard? Is she a great role model for young women everywhere? PLEASE! What about Paris Hilton? Why is she more important, more valuable as a human being in the eyes of Republicans, than Jane Doe who works hard at Burger King and still has to collect food stamps to feed her kids? It isn't about "hard work", its just about money. So it comes back around to Republicans being the "party of God", but their only true God is MONEY. I am not suggesting the Democrats are any better. They don't give a crap about people either, they are just as guilty of worshiping at the alter of the almighty dollar.

Its just sad.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Balance

I am forever searching for balance in my daily life. You may have noticed by now that I am easily distracted, but I am also obsessive-compulsive. This leads to a lot of internal conflict as you may imagine. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping the obsessive-compulsive part in check, most of the time. Except when it comes to my hobbies, then I tend to go overboard a lot more than I probably should.

I have been working for Father the past few days, doing the computer grunt work that he doesn't have time for, and I find it difficult to do anything else until its all done. Of course this does not work in my favor as Father will invariably have another task awaiting me when I finish this one. So I usually work like crazy on his stuff for a few days, then I get bored and screw around for days on end doing the things I want to do (but that generally do not result in anybody giving us money). This has a tendency to lead to conflicts. Father has learned that there is not much he can do about it, yelling at me will just ensure it doesn't get done for that much longer. He tried guilting me into it, but since I am the Guilt-trip Queen, he didn't stand a chance. So he learned that a few gentle reminders are about the best he can do to get me back to work. That, or bribery, bribery works really well for him.

I am spoiled rotten, you should probably know that, I was the only daughter, the baby and my youngest brother is almost 8 years my senior. So I got spoiled as a child, and I never really got over it. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not adverse to work, I like working, but one can only take so many hours of repetitive mind-numbing tasks on the computer before ones brain is fried. Well, I don't know about anybody else, but I certainly have limits to my endurance.

So everything in my life is pretty much done in fits and spurts. I will work obsessively on one thing for however long I can, and then I have to do something else. I usually do come back and finish what I started, well, at least 75% of the time anyway. But I would like to be able to allocate my time better. I waste more time deciding what I want to do next than most of my projects actually take. I have lists of projects I need or want to do that are longer than the expected lifespan of our Universe, I do not have time to be indecisive. Of course, I do not have time to write a blog either, but here I am. And that's probably the worst of it, I have way too many things to do already, so what do I do, find a new hobby! I Love my hobbies, they help make life worth living, but I really do have way too many of them, and I keep adding more. The last two years I have spent every free minute on quilts, making them, designing them, photographing them, living and breathing quilts basically, then this Summer I discovered dyeing and painting fabric and now I am learning screen printing as well. So since I had nothing better to do (cough cough) here I am writing a blog.

I did mention I am a little crazy right?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Facebook

So I think we have already established that "Mother" began on Facebook. I originally started the page as a way to comment on other Facebook pages without offending the rest of my family. Of course by that point I think I had already convinced them I was crazy by the pages I had "liked" on my personal page, but they didn't need to be reminded of it every day. So I just started Mother's page to spout off, and before I could even finish adding all the "likes" from my personal page to Mother's page I already had people "pimping" Mother. There were 100 people "liking" the page within the first few hours.

And then my husband's niece posted a silly picture of her cat hanging from the shower curtain rod and I made the first silly picture for Mother. Since then Mother has taken on a life of her own. The pictures have evolved, along with my skills with my favorite graphics programs, into fairly presentable silly pictures. And that's all they are ever supposed to be. I am forever getting "helpful" people commenting about how this picture offends them for whatever reason, or they don't "get" that picture. There is nothing to "get" people, I am not making a social commentary, I am just trying to help people smile a little more, maybe even giggle once in a while. If someone happens upon one of my pictures when they are having a shitty day and the whole world seems to be out to get them (I think we have all had those days)and the sillies I put out into the world makes that one person spit their coffee all over their computer screen, well then, my efforts have proven worthwhile.

So the silly pictures on my Facebook page are there for everyone to enjoy. Share them to your heart's content. I really don't care about the credit, but I really would appreciate you not removing the watermarks. I know they are distracting, but I have a family to feed and times are tough all over. The www.everything4lessstore.com is our family owned and operated business, and the only reason I can justify spending countless hours creating silly pictures for everyone to enjoy is to call it "advertising". No one bitches when Coca-Cola makes a silly commercial saying how tacky it is for them to be "advertising" their company through humor, so do not bitch when I do it. Hope that's clear enough.

This blog is also part of the evolution process of Mother. I have pretty much quit talking to people on Facebook lately. I found that every time I express my opinions on pretty much any topic some "helpful" person had to come along and tell me just how wrong I was. Excuse me, uh, NO. Number one, Just because you do not agree with me does not make me wrong, it is far more likely that you are a Moron. Number two, It's my freaking page! I made the page to express my opinions, if you do not like my opinions you can "unlike" the Damn page! I do not care what your opinions are, if you want a place to express them Make Your Own Damn page!
Now don't get me wrong, its really not that they "disagree" with me that is the problem. Its the condescending, insulting and just down-right Bullying tactics they use. If there is one thing I cannot stand it is Bullies! I have a few "fans" that disagree with things I say, but they can do so without attacking me personally so they are still around. But the minute someone posts something that I find offensive or insulting, its gone, and if I feel there was malicious intent behind it, the poster is banned.

So I decided to start this blog as way to express myself, without the character limitations of Facebook, and without the limitations of Facebook characters. Its still linked to Mother's Facebook page, so the posts are announced on Facebook, but now you have to make an effort to see what I have to say. So if after all of that you are not happy with whatever I have said, you have no one to blame but yourself since you came here of your own free will and read it. So there.

I am still working on creating the time to be able to write everyday. That may be a while, but I will sneak in here whenever I have the chance. I do have a lot of things to say and some of them may even be funny, or interesting, or worth your while in one way or another. Most of it won't be. Most of it will probably just be the ramblings a of a peri-menopausal, stressed-out crazy lady who thinks all people deserve to be treated with a little basic decency and a little bit of Love.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Love - Hate

I mentioned before that I have a Love-Hate relationship with people. I have to Love everyone because I really can't stand anyone. Well, as I started thinking about it I have come to realize I have that same perspective on pretty much everything. I sit here typing on a computer that I love, but at times I hate the damn thing. It sucks up so much of my time and attention, it screws up all the time by doing exactly what I told it to do, its just a general pain in the ass. Television, oh don't get me started on TV, There are some shows that I just really love, like "The Big Bang Theory" or "Criminal Minds", but I also hate the damn TV. Its too loud, its on too much, its too distracting, and not the least of it Father likes to watch horror shows and movies (and a whole lot of other crap I do not care about), I hate horror stuff. This wouldn't be so bad, except they way our life is arranged everything pretty much revolves around the TV. Not literally, but literally. The TV sits about 5 feet from my "work station" where I have my computers and my sewing center set in an L-shape, with the sewing machine facing the TV, so whatever I am doing the TV is right there.

But the point was that I have the same view on the rest of my life that I do on people, no matter how much you Love or enjoy something, it will, at some point, piss me off.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Crazy Lady

I often refer to myself as "The Crazy Lady", and with good reason as you will soon discover. I am a walking contradiction in many ways. I Love people, I mean really, I do Love everybody. But I also hate people. Well maybe hate is a little strong, I only really Hate one person on this planet, I just dislike the rest of you, sometimes intensely. So you can probably see where this might tend to make a person a little bit loony. Especially when that person is an emotionally charged individual with rampant hormonal mood swings that could take down an elephant.

And yet this is just a small part of what makes me crazy. I guess it all really started about the time puberty hit. I was a tad bit strange as a child, but crazy came with the hormones. I was raised in a conservative middle class family (my parents just celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary last week), but I never really felt like I belonged there. Even as a kid I knew I was different from them, but I didn't know why or how, until I met George.

When I was a hitting Junior High the other girls were all into movie stars and musicians. They had posters in their rooms of this actor or that singer, some of them even joined the fan clubs and wrote letters to their favorites stars. I could never get into all of that. I have no interest in the lives of the rich and famous. I have never read the tabloids or watched the TV shows about celebrity happenings, I don't care. Those people are not relevant to my life. They are not "real" people to me, its not like I am going to run into them at the grocery store or go to dinner with them. They are entertainers. I might like their movies or their music, but who they are and how they spend their time just isn't important to me. There are very few famous people who have ever had an influence on my life in any measurable way, and then there was George.

George is one of my mentors in life. George taught me to think about things in ways I never thought about them before. George opened my mind and through his words I learned about myself and the world around me, learned to see that their was far more to life than I had ever imagined. My love of words came, at least in part, from George. I was probably 12 when I met George, around the same time I started drinking and smoking, not sure which came first, but they were probably all related. My introduction to George came from an album I stole from one of my brothers. The album was "Class Clown" and while I wouldn't say it "changed my life" I would say it had a major impact on who I am today. George, and "Weird" Al (who also played a major role in my formative years), were probably the most important male role models I had outside of my family. Which, in retrospect, probably explains a lot.

I am NOT saying that George or "Weird" Al MADE me crazy. Absolutely not. They allowed me to be crazy. From my perspective, they gave me permission to be ... myself. No one had EVER done that before. My family was always big on "what will the neighbors think", and my public school, like all public schools, was all about conforming. No one had ever told me it was okay to be different, I had been taught that being different was bad. I knew I was different, so therefore I must be bad. So, I grew up with the same conflict I think most people face, conform or be bad. Then George and Al told me that "bad" was not a bad thing. Different was okay, it might be difficult to be different, but it was NOT bad. Damn, what a novel freaking concept!

So I learned not to care so much about what other people think, and to just live my life for me. I am who I am, and who I am is a Crazy Lady. I love the gaudy, the crazy, the different. I have tried to teach my children that being different is not only okay, it is preferable. I like being me, I enjoy my company, I even agree with most of the things I think. My life may not be what anyone else would dream of having, buy I enjoy it immensely and there is very little I would change even if I could. So Love me or don't, that's your choice, either way I will be me because that's all I have ever wanted to be.