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Sunday, April 6, 2014

The Return of Mother ...

 Hello There Lovely Internet People!  Wow, its been a while since I last wandered over here hasn't it?  Sorry about that.  Mother has been going through some extremely intense anti-socialness lately and I figured it was probably best for everyone if she kept her big mouth shut until she got past all of that shit.  Not sure if I am completely past it yet, but for the most part it has subsided to a manageable level, I think.

I am still working towards making more videos for YouTube, but I am afraid they will probably be almost as random as these Blog Posts have been.  Right now I am really leaning towards making more artsy craftsy type videos rather than the political and social rants, mostly because I just don't want to deal with stupid people on YouTube.  I don't have the patience for it.  I might do a few more of the picture compilation type rants like the first two videos that I made, but they are more work than I really want to put into this, so they won't happen very often.

Okay, so what was Mother doing while she was hiding away from the world?  Well, I mentioned last Fall that I had come to the realization that, after making 50 freaking quilts for my family and friends, I don't particularly like quilting.  I mean, I do like parts of it, but the actual quilting thing, that I could definitely live without.  So I set off in search of a new hobby, one that would allow me to combine all of my other hobbies into a single all consuming obsession.  And I found it!  Its called Mixed Media Art, and I swear whoever came up with the concept must have had lived inside my head at some point.  Of course, even though this is a hobby that technically combines all of my other hobbies into it, it turns out that there are a whole host of supplies required that I did not already have.  To be honest, I had most of it, but there were several new tools and supplies that I found I just could not live without.  Surprise!  Hahahahahahaha.  Not.

Over the last several weeks I have tried my hand at book making (that was a semi-failed attempt), box making (still in progress, but looking promising), hat making (that was a major success if I do say so myself - see the pictures below), flower making (more fun than I really should be allowed to have), hand carving "rubber" stamps (using both pink erasers and actual stamp carving materials), bowl making and basket weaving (extremely fun but very messy, at least the way I did it was very messy), along with painting and mono printing dozens upon dozens of papers and several stilted attempts at Art Journaling (which is turning out to be the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, even though it is supposed to be among the easiest), as well as spending a few hundred hours trying to figure out the software for my Cricut machine (which I still have not conquered). So, yeah, I have been keeping kinda busy.   

And whilst doing all of that creative type stuff I have been compulsively binging on YouTube videos.  I have pretty much given up on Facebook, all it does is piss me off.  I try to post something on Mother's page almost everyday, but I have really lost my enthusiasm for it.  Even Twitter got old really fast, still not sure why, but I just didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I should have.  But being a home-bound agoraphobic with no social support system of my own I kinda need some sort of connection with the outside world, no matter how far removed it might be.  YouTube seems to be filling that need for me now, and it is doing a far better job than Facebook or Twitter ever did.  I have learned more stuff about more things in the last three months on YouTube than I ever knew I didn't know.  And since learning is what I love most, YouTube has become my new home.  I haven't found nearly as many channels to follow over there as I had Facebook Pages to follow (300 YouTube channels compared to 5,000+ Facebook Pages), but I do get to see everything that every channel posts as soon as they post it!  And I can go back in time and see every single video they have posted since the day they joined YouTube.  Nothing is hidden, or lost in time, I get to choose whether I want to watch what someone posts or not, nobody makes that decision for me on YouTube.  That is a very nice change of pace.                        

I think I told you all that I moved my creative work space into our little "Bonus Room" just before I took my hiatus from the outside world, and now, after several reorganizational attempts I finally have a workable space where I can get to most of the things I need to get to without hurting myself too severely in the process, and still have at least a small workspace left in which to create stuff.  And this morning I managed to set up my web cam so that it looks directly down onto my work space so I can start filming stuff, just as soon as I decide to quit freaking out about the whole idea of filming stuff.  

I am sure I have told you all before that I am not a people person.  I don't have very many friends, I don't speak to most of my family, and as much as I Love everybody, I really don't like people very much most of the time.  I don't like to join groups, have never been part of club, and generally just keep to myself most of the time.  It is safer that way.  And honestly, it is more fun, I enjoy my own company immensely.  But, (there is always a "but" isn't there?) I do feel very isolated most of the time, and occasionally even a little bit lonely.  Having the Facebook Pages, and this Blog, have opened up a new window on life for me and I do kinda enjoy the view (most of the time).  I am never going to be a hyper-friendly, outgoing, community oriented type person, that's just not me, but I would like to expand my horizons a little, and maybe even make a few more new friends.  Okay, the truth is I probably just want somebody to share my joy in my creations with that can appreciate it.  Its a little disheartening to spend a hundred hours on some art project only to have my husband say "That's very nice Dear" as he barely glances at it.  He tries to be supportive, but he just doesn't get excited about it, like, ever.  I am freakin' excited, and I want somebody to share that excitement with me, and since I don't have anybody else in my real life world to share it with, all I am left with is strangers on the internet.  You all might as well make yourselves useful.

I am not sure how much Blogging I will be doing in the near future, if I can get my ass in gear on YouTube I will probably switch over to Vlogging at some point.  Writing these posts is getting harder and harder for me, I have already been at this one for over 4 hours!  I just don't have that kind of time to spend typing, I need to make stuff!  Of course I am probably going to have to spend some time on editing videos, but I don't plan on making any major productions or anything, so hopefully that will be minimal.   

Well, wish me luck, and maybe even let me know if you would have any interest in watching artsy craftsy type videos if I made them.  Maybe if I knew somebody wanted to see them I might get around to getting them made a little sooner.  Its worth a shot anyway.  Until next time ...


Monday, January 13, 2014

Personal Issues And Social Media

Hello there Lovely Internet People! I hope everyone out there is having a pleasant day, enjoying this wonderful world we all have to live in while you still have the chance.  I have been keeping busy converting files and learning software in an attempt to get started on my new project, and it is going far slower than I would have hoped, but I am getting there.  I think.

There has been a lot of buzz lately in my Social Media feeds about what people should, or should not, be sharing on Social Media.  There was a woman who posted a live feed of her natural home birth on YouTube, and she got a lot of flack for that.  Then there are all the stories about people using Social Media to shame their children for bad behavior, and the responses to that get pretty heated on both sides.  Today I saw a story about a woman who is fighting breast cancer and "Tweeting" the experience to her followers, and there are at least a couple of high-profile assholes who decided that she shouldn't do that, and even went on to suggest that she should just "die quietly and quickly".

Now, as a person who shares entirely too much of her own personal struggles with the internet, I suppose it should not come as any surprise what side of the fence I am on with this subject.  But, it might.  I don't share my stories and my struggles because I want sympathy or attention, I share them because I know I am NOT alone.  There are other people out there who struggle with the same issues, or even completely different ones, who need to know they are NOT alone.   As far as I am concerned any personal detail of your life that you are personally comfortable with sharing should be shared.  If some one doesn't want to read about it, they sure don't have to, but it is there for those who do.

Please note that I was very specific in what I just said.  I chose the words very careful, as I usually do.  The key point here being "personal".  There should not be an arbitrary limit put upon what people can or cannot share of their OWN experiences, ever.  That being said, publicly shaming a child on Social Media is fucking BULLSHIT and wrong.  I am not suggesting that it should be made illegal, I am just suggesting that it is a fucked up way to raise a kid.  Yes, children should be held accountable for their actions, in person.  They should be taught to value themselves and othersPublicly humiliating them is not going to solve anything!  Every time I see one of those pictures all I can think of is, where is the picture shaming the parent for raising that kid?  If the parent posted a picture of their self, with a sign saying, "My kid misbehaved and I am dealing with it like a responsible parent" instead of posting the kid's picture, That would be awesome!  

I guess I have never understood the need to humiliate or embarrass children, especially in public.  Maybe because I received so much of that from my peers and the authority figures in my life growing up, I developed an extreme sensitivity to it, I don't know.  I just know I fucking hate that shit.  People who take a picture of their three year old doing something absolutely normal for a child to do, and then talk about how they will be able to use that photo against their child when they start dating.  I don't understand that line of thinking, at all.

So if you want to Tweet about that boil on your ass? Fucking go for it.  You want to Instagram your dinner menu, or your latest bowel movement?  Just do it.  Think you want to Live Stream your nervous breakdown?  Why the hell not?!  Its your life, you decide what you want to share, and I can decide whether or not I want to pay attention.  Seems pretty fucking simple too me.  

I am seriously tired of other people trying to limit my choices of how to spend my time just because they don't want to spend their time in the same way.  If you don't want to watch the video or read the tweet, you have that option, but quit fucking assuming that just because you don't want to see it that no one else does!  That is stupid.  And, on the off chance that you have a job that requires you to be an attention seeking whore, perhaps you should try to turn on just one brain cell before you go putting other people down because they are "just looking for attention".  Why in the hell is that okay for you but not for anyone else?  Everybody NEEDS some damn attention to survive, quit acting like that is a bad thing!

Until Next Time ...

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Making Light of Mental Illness

Hello again Lovely Internet People!  Long time no see!  I am afraid I have been so wrapped up in my own head again lately that I haven't been able to get in here and write anything interesting for all of you to read.  Hopefully I am finally beginning the long climb out of my own head so that I can start getting back into other peoples heads again.  Having an emotional and psychological meltdown on the internet is probably not the way most people would have addressed it, but you learn to work with what you have.

I was reading an article yesterday, (I think it was in the Huffington Post but I can't find it now to link it for you) about how people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses don't like the idea of other people co-opting their illnesses for petty issues.  They claimed that a movie star who says she must be bi-polar because she can't decide what color her hair should be is seen as demeaning to those who actually suffer with bi-polar disorder.  While I understand that trivializing other peoples suffering is an awful thing to do, I am not going to stop trivializing my own because that is how I have learned to cope with them, and it works for me. 

I think it far too important to bring mental health issues and illnesses into the light of day so I can't keep mine to myself.  Now, granted, not all of my issues have an "official" diagnosis from a "trained professional", but that is due to a lack of access to those "trained professionals", it does not make the issues any less real or my struggles any less valid.  I make light of my "obsessive compulsive crafting disorder" or my "bi-polar ego" because these are real issues that I really struggle with, and I don't think I am alone.  In no way, shape, or form am I trying to make light of the struggles of those who actually have OCD or a bi-polar disorder, their issues are far more complex, and in most cases, far more challenging than mine.  I do firmly believe that we are all a little crazy, and the more you pay attention to the world around you the more reason you have to be crazy, and there is nothing wrong with being crazy because it is really a totally fucking normal response to the world we live in.

I mean really now, we live in a world where "Christians" are preaching hate and selfishness as virtues, and a significant portion of the country thinks science is hocus pocus, the Bible is a history book, and the Flinstones was a fucking documentary!  Can anyone really tell me with a straight face that this shit isn't crazy?  Millions of people flock to the defense of one bigoted hypocrite flim-flam man spouting nonsense from the dark fucking ages, calling it "Christian values"?  WTF!?  Seriously, I just cannot even wrap my head around the level of insanity that that shit takes!

Misogyny, Homophobia, Racism, Intolerance, Bashing the poor, and glorifying gluttony, greed, false prophets and false Gods, like money, are NOT fucking Christian values and I am sick and fucking tired of these assholes being allowed to claim that they are!  Hate is NOT a fucking Christian value!  Christianity is supposed to be about loving your fellow man, helping one another, and NOT FUCKING JUDGING PEOPLE!  PERIOD.  Either get in line with your own fucking teachings or admit that you don't buy any of that crap at all!  If you want a "Christian Nation" you need to start acting like fucking Christians!  I am an Atheist and I behave in a more "Christ-like" manner than anyone I have ever encountered who claimed to be a Christian!

So yes, I am fucking crazy.  I live in a world that has lost its damn mind, how can I not be crazy? How can any of you not be crazy?  If you require a "professional diagnosis" I have three you can choose from: severe chronic depression, anorexia, and/or generalized anxiety disorder.  And I have no problem admitting that in a public forum any more than I would hesitate to admit having cancer or diabetes.  Mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of, they are fucking normal.  Just another fact of life, like poverty, that a little more understanding, and a lot less judging, might find a way to alleviate.

When I make fun of my struggles that is how I cope with them.  When I tell you I am obsessive compulsive with my hobbies I may be joking, but I also am totally serious.  I don't mean that I like to buy stuff, I mean there is an actual physical and psychological NEED to have these things, most of which I will never use.  The ways in which I have learned to cope with my issues are probably not the best ways, or the healthiest ways, but they are they ways I have available to me, so they are what I use.  And making fun of myself before anyone else can has allowed me to maintain a fragile hold on sanity that I just cannot relinquish.  

So If I have offended you at any time with my comments on these subjects please know that I never intended to do so.  If my struggles are not as severe as yours, or if you don't think I take them seriously enough, maybe, just maybe, learning to laugh at your own troubles might make them a little easier to bear.  I mean, its worth a try isn't it?  After all, as someone much wiser than I once said, "Don't take life so seriously, no one gets out alive anyway."

Until Next Time ... 


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Isn't Christmas Done Yet?

Hello there all you Beautiful Mother Lovers!  I hope everyone is managing to make it through these always challenging last few days of December.  Merry Christmas, to those who celebrate that, and Happy Holidays, to Everyone!  Personally, I will just be happy when January 2nd rolls around and I can put another fucking holiday season behind me.

This is not a good time of year for me.  I have tried all my life to get into the whole "Christmas Spirit" thing, but some one always has to come along to fuck it up.  Its Not even worth the effort to try anymore.  Now I just go through the prescribed paces, eliminating more and more of those each year.  I am not even wrapping the fucking gifts this year.  The kids said I don't have to, since they already know everything they are getting, since they picked it all out.  And we didn't put up the big tree, or much of any decorations this year.  I did decorate the two little trees, a three foot one for the living room and a 2 foot one here in my office, but that was the extent of it this year, and I didn't even get around to doing that until about a week and a half ago.  I did actually bake some cookies this year, but only 4 different kinds, instead of the 10 or 12 I used to make every year.

I know most people probably go through a certain amount of disillusionment with the holidays as they get older, and that is certainly a great deal of where my current bahumbuggedness is coming from, but it is more than that.  It is a lifetime of conditioning, and a decade and a half of having my life ruled over by a moron, and world full of judgmental fucking hypocrites trying to destroy everything that is good in this world all for the sake of their all-mighty fucking dollar and then wrapping it up in some vague fucking Bible verse that they cherry picked for their agenda!

So yeah, maybe I am just too old for this nonsense any more.  I know I am sick and tired of the people who created the "war on Christmas" by turning into a commercialized monstrosity with no resemblance to the "true meaning of Christmas", claiming that every one else is attacking Christmas, while they are the only ones truly defending it.  How fucking stupid do they think people are?  Oh yeah, probably about as stupid as the 34% who buy into their nonsense.  Open your fucking eyes people!  You have been played!  Your whole fucking life is based on lies and deceptions based on what you think every body else believes, its all bullshit.  Manufactured in advertising agencies around the world, and spoon fed to us from birth, every day, all fucking day long.

I better stop myself before I go running off an a whole different tangent again.  My point was, I will be glad when the holidays are over and I can get back to work on my new life.  I have a whole list of plans and ideas that I am going to share with all of you over the course of the coming new year.  2014 is going to be the start of a whole new life for Mother, with a whole slew of out of the box new projects and completely out of my comfort zone new plans.  I am working very hard on learning all these new software programs, and all of the other stuff I knew absolutely nothing about a couple of months ago, but to be honest, the most difficult part of any of it is just the idea of showing my face to the world.  Sharing my words here is one thing, and that has taken me a long time to get used to, and sharing my voice, like on the first two videos I have made, was even more terrifying.  But sharing my face?  That is going to take a strength of will I am still not really sure I possessThat's why we are easing into the idea gradually.  

As much as I absolutely do not care what people might think of how I look, unfortunately I know there will be people out there who will find it necessary to tell me what they think anyway.  Not caring what they think does not mean their words are not hurtful.  I think the best way for me to deal with those kind of people will probably be to do my very best to publicly shame them for their cruel and superficial behavior. Its either that, or ignore them, and I don't think that would be as much fun.  I have been ignoring them for my entire life and they don't seem to stop, so I think I will try a new approach.

I am actually trying to work out a whole new approach to a lot of things.  This whole mid-life crisis thing I have been going through the past few months has gotten me thinking about who I am, and who I want to be, and how the two haven't always been necessarily compatibleSo, I am working on that too.  In all my spare time.

At any rate, be looking for some big new surprises from Mother over the coming weeks and months!  And be looking forward to actually seeing Mother some day on your computer screen (or phone, or whatever you people use to watch videos on the internet these days).  As soon as I get up the nerve to put myself out there, I can promise you all will be the first to know!  Because, no body else will care

In my research and explorations I have learned that the first 100 videos I produce will probably just be crap, but each one will get significantly better than the last, and some day I might even start making some good ones.  So, try not to hold me to too high a standard as we go forward, okay?  I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with, and hopefully the content quality will make up for the lack of video quality until my skills can catch up with my ambitions.  I ain't promising nothing except that I will do my best to entertain, and perhaps occasionally enlighten you, in my own unique, and perhaps slightly odd, sort of way. 

So Until Next Time, I hope you enjoy the first two of what I hope will be many more, and hopefully someday even better, videos to come ... 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Raising the Minimum

 Hello again Lovely Internet People!  I was reading an article the other day about the fact that if the minimum wage had kept up with inflation, and everything else, it should be close to like $21 an hour by now.  I know a lot of people seem to think that $21 an hour is a ridiculous amount  of money for a minimum wage job, but it really isn't.  At 40 hours a week it only amounts to a little over $800 a week, before taxes.  And while that is far more money than I have ever earned in a week, no one is ever going to get rich off of it.  What they could get would be a decent life and a little less stress about whether they are going to have enough money to feed their kids AND pay the bills after working their asses off all day every day!  Not to mention the huge increase in our economy that would occur as a result of the people who actually spend their money, actually having money to spend!

There was a comment at the end of the article from some guy complaining that only 3% of our population actually works at a minimum wage job, so we shouldn't bother spending any time worrying about the issue.  While I find it personally reprehensible that he believes that those 3% of Americans don't deserve to be compensated fairly for their efforts, that was not the reason that I was so disturbed by his comments.  The sheer lack of common sense exhibited in his comments were what bothered me.  Here is a supposedly intelligent person that cannot understand the connection between what the minimum wage is, and what EVERYONE who is not a CEO of a major corporation makes.  Whether your salary is computed hourly, weekly, or monthly, doesn't matter, your salary is based on your value to the company, and they figure that number from the ground up.  From minimum wage up.  So if the minimum wage is $7.25, like it is now, and you are making say $21 an hour, and you probably think you are doing alright with that.  But, if the minimum wage was the $21 an hour it should be, then you should be making around $63 an hour!  Now do you understand why the minimum wage should be a big freaking deal to ALL of us?!

And as for that stupid argument that raising the minimum wage would cause massive inflation, and all the prices would sky rocket to make up for those increased wages, that's just bullshit.  I live in a state where our minimum wage is $2 an hour more than the national minimum wage, and a hamburger costs the same here as it does in the state next door where they pay the federal minimum wage.  And, if we instituted a federal MAXIMUM wage, that prevented those fucking CEO's from collected multi-million dollar, tax deductible (for the company) salaries and bonuses, that would cancel out any need for increased prices.

 I am just sick and fucking tired of people who have no clue what it is like to be dependent on a minimum wage job to feed their families telling people that they should just "get another job" or "work harder".  I have a college education, I am extremely intelligent, and I can learn pretty much any job you set before me in less two weeks (okay, maybe not brain surgery, that might take a little more than two weeks), but I have no work history to speak of, and certainly nothing that could showcase my abilities, so if I had to go find a job tomorrow at 46 years old, I would be lucky to find a full-time minimum wage job.  And it would cost me more to go to work everyday than I could possibly bring home.  After the federal government takes 50% of my pay for the student loans I still cannot afford to pay, and the normal FICA and SS deductions are removed, that leaves me making about $4 an hour.  The first of those eight hours is then spent paying for the gas to get to and from work, another hour (at least) to pay for clothes to wear at the job, and at least three hours to pay for the after school child care that I would have to arrange for my kids, oh and add in another hour to pay for their school supplies and lunches, and one more hour to pay for whatever the hell other expenses are incurred (like car  repairs, etc).  Guess what?  Now I have worked all fucking day, at a job I probably fucking hate, for people who treat me like crap, and you know what I got out of it?  Yep, $4.  That's the net result, a whole fucking $4!

I heard Rand Paul was in Detroit last week and asked a group of people that had gathered to hear him speak, if any of them worked for a poor person.  Now, as someone else quickly pointed out, Senator Paul, was elected by the citizens of the state of Kentucky, a great many of whom are poor, so technically, Senator Paul works for poor people, but he is not alone.  I have seen it written on the internet many times in recent years that poor people do not create jobs, only rich people do that.  I call BULLSHIT!  I know lots of poor people who create jobs, not just by spending their money and creating the demand for jobs, but by actually creating them!

As I explained in the previous paragraph, for me, like a lot of people, getting a typical "job" is not a financially viable option, so I have created my own business, which provided me with a job.  It doesn't pay very well, but I net a considerable amount more than the $16 a month I could make working for someone else, and I don't spend all day every day longing for the sweet release of death to free me from my misery, so there is that added bonus.  My husband, who technically probably could get a decent paying job that would net him significantly more than $16 a month (but still not enough to raise us above the poverty level), also started his own business, which not only provides him with a job, but also provides me with a second one, and in a few years when they are old enough, it will might even have grown enough to provide jobs for our children as well.  So technically, I work for a poor person.  Actually I work for two poor persons, so there.

I am really just beyond sick and tired of the people who benefit the most from the status quo, telling the rest of us that things cannot be changed because they have always been the way they are.  It seems to me that if shit is broken, we should probably fix it.  And if you cannot see how badly our system is broken, then you are probably the one in charge of breaking it and you should really just shut the fuck up now. 

Until Next Time ...  

Friday, December 6, 2013

Things That Terrify Me That Probably Won't Happen

Hello again all you Lovely Internet People!  Mother has been hard at work creating new silly things for all of you to enjoy.  Yesterday I posted my very first video on YouTube, it was this, in case you missed it:

Yes, I know it isn't as perfect as it maybe could have been, but for a first attempt I think it is fairly decent.  Its not like I am competing for an Oscar or anything, just making silly little videos that I hope somebody might enjoy. It was a lot of fun learning all the new software programs and figuring out how to put it all together.  Its going to take some time for me to get used to the idea of talking into the microphone, and developing a personality for that, but someday I might get good at it.  Well, we can hope anyway.

It would probably help if I had a better idea of what I am trying to accomplish.  You know, if I had some kind of actual plan, or something like that.  I mean, the original idea was to make silly videos and stuff to make people laugh, but most of what I keep wanting to produce isn't all that funny.  I mean, I try to make fun of the stuff, and make it as humorous as I can, but exposing hypocrisy and shining a light on what I see as the real evils of the world, isn't really something that most people consider comedy.  And it doesn't help that I am not really all that funny anyway.  I mean, I know I am really good at getting people to laugh when they really don't want to, I do that to my friends and family all the time.  But, for some reason I can't seem to find a way to translate that humor to people who do not know me really well.  Most people take me far too seriously.  Even my wonderful husband, who has known me for 12 and a half years now, still tries to take me seriously when he, of all people, should really know better by now!

Pretty much every post I have ever written on this Blog had something in it that I thought was funny.  Even the most mundane and boring "what I did today" posts generally contain at least some silly little something that I found amusing and hoped someone else might also enjoy.  I am sure I have not been nearly as successful at that as I might like to be, but I really do try.

I have spent the last two years here at this Blog trying to develop some idea of who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life.  It has not been an easy process.  It certainly has had its bumps along the way, but I have learned a great deal about myself that I am not sure I would have recognized had it not been for having this outlet.  Most people would not be so willing to lay open their hearts and minds to complete strangers in such a public way, but I have found it strangely liberating.  To be sure I have left out a lot of the details to protect the privacy of any one who might happen to know me in real life, but I have tried to be as open and honest as possible about myself and my life and the road I have taken to get to where I am now.

When I first started all of this I was terrified that someone would expose who I really was and what I had been through.  Here we are, two short years later, and I have not only put my own name to my work, but I am preparing to actually show my face to the world for the first time as well.  And I am still terrified.  But, then again, I do not remember a single day in my life when I was not terrified.  Life is fucking terrifying for me.  I still have to keep living, so I might as well keep doing the rest of it as well.  Right?

Its funny, every time I get a new idea for a project that I think is really awesome, it triggers a switch in my brain that immediately starts screaming DANGER! DANGER!  In order to be "successful" at becoming an "entertainer" some level of fame is required, and the last thing I have ever wanted is to be famous!  I think this is the greatest challenge to my psyche that I have ever faced. The more I think there is a posibilty that people might like something I create, the more retiscent I become about creating it.  I look at Pages on Facebook that started when I did but now have hundreds of thousands of "likers", and all I can think is "thank goodness that's not me!"  I see Page owners like Patti Ford from "Insane in The Mom Brain" talking about being interviewed on TV, and I start having panic attacks.  I don't want that kind of attention!  Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE for the whole world to read what I post, and watch my silly little videos or whatever, but I don't want them to pay attention to ME!  That shit is fucking terrifying!  The whole reason I created "Mother" was so that people could pay attention to her and leave me the hell alone!

I know that the only way that people are going to ever be able to see what I produce is if I go around telling other people about it and asking them to share it.  Unfortunately I am not equipped to do that.  Hell I can't even manage to ask all of you to share my stuff.  I am not a self-promoter.  That would mean bringing attention to myself, and I think I have established the fact that I have no interest in doing that!  So I am left spending countless hours and endless days, weeks and months, producing vast quantities of possibly entertaining materials that will never be seen by more than a couple dozen people.  Which is a couple dozen more than ever would have seen it if I hadn't spent the time to produce it, so I keep producing it anyway.  Maybe someday I will put something out there that develops a life of its own and brings my work to the attention of a wider audience, but until that happens I am learning to be content in the knowledge that every once in a while somebody stumbles across something that I created that brings them some joy or confort in a world where both seem to be in way too short of supply.  That's good enough for me.  Its not going to pay the bills, or keep a roof over my head, but then neither is anything else I would be spending my time on, so I suppose I should quit worrying about that.  Especially since the only way it could ever pay the bills would be if I became famous, quite the catch twenty-two I have gotten myself into, isn't it?  I am very good at that.

Oh well, I will just take whatever comes from this as it comes.  If some day success comes knocking on my door I will just have to deal with it, just like I have dealt with every thing else life has thrown at me.  There really isn't much sense in worrying about something that will probably never happen anyway, although I do a lot of it for some strange reason.  Part of my charm, I guess.  I am really fucking charming you know.

Until Next Time ... 


Friday, November 29, 2013

Black Friday Observations

Hello there Lovely Internet People!  I hope everyone has made it safely through the madness that has become the true National Holiday of the United States, Black Friday.  I have been following the multitude of stories and Facebook and Twitter updates concerning this saga (cause I sure ain't going out in it!), and there are some issues that I have seen that I want to address.

Issue Number One: I have seen several posts and stories suggesting that Black Friday "is the one time of year poor people can afford to buy nice things".  That is complete and total fucking bullshit.  I have been "poor" for most of my adult life, and I have lots of nice things, none of which were ever purchased on Black Friday.  In fact the only people that I, personally, have ever met who actually do go shopping on Black Friday are as far removed from being poor as I am from being wealthy. 

If you actually pay attention, Black Friday deals are not that fucking great in the first place.  Most of the stores jack up their prices right before they put shit on sale, so you are pretty much paying the same price anyway.  If you really want great deals, those are the week after Christmas, and the first week of January, not fucking Black Friday!  Sure, they may throw a couple of "loss leaders" out there to try to scam you into coming to their store, but odds are those will not be available by the time you get there because they "sold out".  Of course they sold out, they only had 5 to start with, and 50,000 people showed up to buy those 5.  They know that since you put in all that time and effort to go there, you are probably going to buy something else, so they don't need to actually stock those "loss leaders", they just have to advertise them.

Issue Number Two: I don't have the same problem with the whole idea of the stores opening on Thanksgiving to start their scam sales that other people have expressed, if people want to shop, the stores should be open.  When I was working in the retail and service industries I always volunteered to work the holidays, and I am sure I am not alone.  Lots of people need the money, or don't have a family to spend the day with, or, like me, just don't really give a crap about holidays, they shouldn't be denied the chance to work if they want to.  And if people want to spend the one day off they have shopping, instead of being with their families at home, well I sure can't fault them their choice, I would rather be pretty much anywhere than stuck hanging around with the rest of my family.  Whatever floats your boat.  I do wish the retailers paid their employees a living wage, and gave them the choice about working holidays, but that is going to require Government intervention.  No greedy bastard is ever going to do the right thing by choice.  I think they have already proven that.  

My kids will get exactly what they want for Christmas, and I will not spend very much money, nor will I fight crowds or spend days running from place to place trying to find the "best deal".  It probably helps that my kids don't have expensive tastes, nor to they have any peer pressure about what is "cool".  They have pretty simple requests that are generally fairly easy to fulfill. The youngest wants Legos, the next one up wants video games, and the oldest just wants whatever cash I can spare, and maybe some cookies.   I guess this is one of the few times where our complete lack of interest in impressing other people does actually pay off in our favor.                                      
Issue Number Three: I understand that our capitalistic system requires rabid consumerism in order to sustain itself, and I also understand that the collapse of that system would have some pretty severe effects on all of us.  So I certainly can't advocate that everyone not participate in the relentless pursuit of "more".  But, I would ask that you take just a moment each time you do decide to spend your hard earned money, and think about who you are giving that money to, and why.  If you are okay with the answers to those questions, then spend away.  If not, well, then you have to make the choice, what are your priorities? 

Until Next Time ...