This is not a good time of year for me. I have tried all my life to get into the whole "Christmas Spirit" thing, but some one always has to come along to fuck it up. Its Not even worth the effort to try anymore. Now I just go through the prescribed paces, eliminating more and more of those each year. I am not even wrapping the fucking gifts this year. The kids said I don't have to, since they already know everything they are getting, since they picked it all out. And we didn't put up the big tree, or much of any decorations this year. I did decorate the two little trees, a three foot one for the living room and a 2 foot one here in my office, but that was the extent of it this year, and I didn't even get around to doing that until about a week and a half ago. I did actually bake some cookies this year, but only 4 different kinds, instead of the 10 or 12 I used to make every year.
I know most people probably go through a certain amount of disillusionment with the holidays as they get older, and that is certainly a great deal of where my current bahumbuggedness is coming from, but it is more than that. It is a lifetime of conditioning, and a decade and a half of having my life ruled over by a moron, and world full of judgmental fucking hypocrites trying to destroy everything that is good in this world all for the sake of their all-mighty fucking dollar and then wrapping it up in some vague fucking Bible verse that they cherry picked for their agenda!
So yeah, maybe I am just too old for this nonsense any more. I know I am sick and tired of the people who created the "war on Christmas" by turning into a commercialized monstrosity with no resemblance to the "true meaning of Christmas", claiming that every one else is attacking Christmas, while they are the only ones truly defending it. How fucking stupid do they think people are? Oh yeah, probably about as stupid as the 34% who buy into their nonsense. Open your fucking eyes people! You have been played! Your whole fucking life is based on lies and deceptions based on what you think every body else believes, its all bullshit. Manufactured in advertising agencies around the world, and spoon fed to us from birth, every day, all fucking day long.
I better stop myself before I go running off an a whole different tangent again. My point was, I will be glad when the holidays are over and I can get back to work on my new life. I have a whole list of plans and ideas that I am going to share with all of you over the course of the coming new year. 2014 is going to be the start of a whole new life for Mother, with a whole slew of out of the box new projects and completely out of my comfort zone new plans. I am working very hard on learning all these new software programs, and all of the other stuff I knew absolutely nothing about a couple of months ago, but to be honest, the most difficult part of any of it is just the idea of showing my face to the world. Sharing my words here is one thing, and that has taken me a long time to get used to, and sharing my voice, like on the first two videos I have made, was even more terrifying. But sharing my face? That is going to take a strength of will I am still not really sure I possess. That's why we are easing into the idea gradually.
As much as I absolutely do not care what people might think of how I look, unfortunately I know there will be people out there who will find it necessary to tell me what they think anyway. Not caring what they think does not mean their words are not hurtful. I think the best way for me to deal with those kind of people will probably be to do my very best to publicly shame them for their cruel and superficial behavior. Its either that, or ignore them, and I don't think that would be as much fun. I have been ignoring them for my entire life and they don't seem to stop, so I think I will try a new approach.
I am actually trying to work out a whole new approach to a lot of things. This whole mid-life crisis thing I have been going through the past few months has gotten me thinking about who I am, and who I want to be, and how the two haven't always been necessarily compatible. So, I am working on that too. In all my spare time.
At any rate, be looking for some big new surprises from Mother over the coming weeks and months! And be looking forward to actually seeing Mother some day on your computer screen (or phone, or whatever you people use to watch videos on the internet these days). As soon as I get up the nerve to put myself out there, I can promise you all will be the first to know! Because, no body else will care!
In my research and explorations I have learned that the first 100 videos I produce will probably just be crap, but each one will get significantly better than the last, and some day I might even start making some good ones. So, try not to hold me to too high a standard as we go forward, okay? I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with, and hopefully the content quality will make up for the lack of video quality until my skills can catch up with my ambitions. I ain't promising nothing except that I will do my best to entertain, and perhaps occasionally enlighten you, in my own unique, and perhaps slightly odd, sort of way.
So Until Next Time, I hope you enjoy the first two of what I hope will be many more, and hopefully someday even better, videos to come ...