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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Introduction to Mother

After careful consideration I have decided to start a blog for Mother. Mother is full of opinions, helpful information, advice, love and silliness. She cannot be contained within the restraints of Facebook alone.

So here is some background information taken from Mother's Facebook page to get us started some of it is rather Facebook specific so if you came here from elsewhere feel free to ignore those parts:

There are some things you all should know about Mother.  Mother Loves everyone, unconditionally. (Except stupid people, Mother does not Love stupid.  She tried it once and it was a miserable 10 years!)  Mother HAS to love everyone unconditionally, because she really doesn’t like people.  So if She didn’t Love you unconditionally She wouldn’t like any of you at all.  People are mean.  People are greedy.  And it just seems like nobody gives a Damn about anyone or anything anymore except themselves.

I started Mother’s page because Life Sucks.  Not my life in particular, I must admit I have it pretty darn good most of the time.  But Life, in general, in this day and time, just really sucks.  Everyday I have to deal with stupid customers who think the entire world revolves solely around them and that I would just go out of my way to screw them over because they are just so f*cking special.  People, if over 4,000 people have gotten what they paid for, why do you automatically assume that you would be the ONE person on the face of the planet that I would deliberately try to rip off?  Maybe if people would learn to READ, it would help.  But mostly, just quit f*cking assuming that just because you are too stupid to figure out how to insert a freaking disc in your computer and LOOK at what is on it, does not mean anyone is OUT TO SCREW YOU!

This applies to all aspects of LIFE people.  Take Mother’s page for example.  You all came here and clicked the “like” button.  With the exception of 6 people, Mother didn’t invite any of you, Mother certainly didn’t come to your home and log on to your account and click the Damn button for you.  Don’t get me wrong, Mother LOVEs having you all here, for the most part, but the point is, you came here of your own free will and the door is always open for you to leave if you don’t like what you find here.  Everything Mother posts required some investment of time and energy, no matter how small.  And guess what?!  You all get every bit of it for FREE!  It doesn’t cost you a freaking dime!  You can choose to invest a little time back into Mother’s page, by liking the pictures, or commenting if you want to, but it is not required. Mother really doesn’t mind.

It should be noted here that Mother can really be a cranky bitch.  And her sense of humor does have its limitations.  Mother will NOT tolerate rudeness or obsessive corrections of her grammar, spelling, or anything else.  As I have said before, if I need to be corrected I will talk to Father, if I need to be talked down to I will call one of my relatives, if I want to be insulted by someone who’s intelligence is lower than pond scum I will call my ex, I do not need a blog for any of those things, Thank You very much.

The photos Mother posts are all Public Domain images, the verbiage on the photos was copied and pasted from a vast multitude of sites on the internet.  So far I think there have been maybe a dozen photos that Mother personally created the verbiage for, everything else is just copied and pasted.  Mother does look for typos and spelling errors and corrects them when she find them, but she does have a life and she has never EVER claimed to be perfect (again, that is Father’s job).  The whole point of making the pictures is to bring a smile, a chuckle, or a laugh to anyone who needs one.  That’s it, that’s all they are for.  If they make your day just a tiny bit brighter for one small moment in time, then they have done their job.  And, since you all aren’t paying anything for the pictures Mother has no interest in anyone bitching at her about anything to do with them.  I hope this is CRYSTAL freaking clear now!

Mother does not tolerate conflict.  Any kind of conflict makes her physically ill.  Mother’s page is supposed to be a place where I can go (and where the rest of you can come as well) where there is no freaking conflict.  So starting today, NO CONFLICT IS ALLOWED on Mother’s page, ok?  Good.  There are lots and lots of pages where they encourage you to go and bitch and vent all you want, go to one of them and bitch about Mother if you want to, that’s fine.  Just keep it off my page.  Mother is allowed to be snarky, and you all are allowed to be snarky too, but not AT Mother.  No snarking AT Mother.

Thank you all for your understanding.  If for any reason, you do not like any of Mother’s rules or opinions on how she will allow things to happen on her page, there is an option to “unlike” this page, feel free to use it.  If you choose to stay, AWESOME!  Great to have you here!  Just remember, this is Mother’s house and Mother don’t take no shit.  Have a Great F*cking Day!

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