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Saturday, July 21, 2012

Mother is One Lucky Woman!

Mother had a pretty productive day today for a Saturday.  I finished my "work", fulfilled my obligations, and did my chores, and still had time to finish putting the borders on two of my new quilt tops.  For me, this is a very good day.  I know that I have a pretty nice life for myself here, and I appreciate it more than I could ever express, because I know how much worse it can be.

I have said before that find it funny that my most popular posts here are the ones where I am bitching about something, because I really have so little to complain about in my own life.  Oh sure, I have a fucked up extended-family from whom I am estranged, and my husband tends to be an asshole at times, and according to the federal government I have lived my entire adult life in poverty, but I know I am one lucky woman to have the life that I have.  There are billions of people around the world who would give their left arm to have half of the life I have.  I appreciate that fact. 

I have lived with far less than what I have now.  There was a time where everything I owned didn't fill the bed of a pickup truck, and even then I had more than many people ever have in their lifetime.  I lived "off the grid" for three years - without running water, telephone, or electricity.  Half a mile to the nearest neighbor, and ten miles to the nearest town, and I didn't even have a driver's license.  For the first 6 months, we lived in a 10' x 15' wall tent, until we graduated to a 10' x 50' beat-up trailer. Life was difficult, but even then I knew how fortunate I was to have a life of my choosing.

I am a simple person, my needs are few, and my wants aren't that much either.  I have no interest in fancy clothes, or cars, or things.  I have no interest in impressing anyone.  I just want to be comfortable, and to have the rest of the world leave me the fuck alone.  Is that really too much to ask?  I have never had any interest in being rich.  Yes, I would like to know I had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life.  Hell, I would be thrilled to have enough money to know I could live comfortably for a couple of months!  It would be nice to not have to worry about money, but it seems to me that most rich people worry a lot more about money than I ever have.

I have been extremely fortunate in my life in that I have never been forced to go hungry, or homeless.  I have always known I had a place to lay my head at night, and enough food to fill my belly any time I needed it.  I would like to take some credit for never getting myself into a situation that required me to end up homeless or hungry, but I knew in the grand scheme of life I was really just fucking lucky.  I could have just as easily been born in a third world country to a family who couldn't afford to feed themselves.  I could have lost everything to a fire, a flood, or any other of an untold number of disasters could have befallen my life at any time.

There is a saying from my youth that sticks with me to this day - "There but for the grace of God go I".  Now, as I have mentioned before, I don't believe in any "God", but I do believe in grace.  I know it sounds contradictory, and maybe a little ridiculous, but it works for me, so don't argue.  Life is about luck.  Some people are luckier than others - usually by right of birth, but not always.  Sometimes we make our own luck, but the energy of the universe is not fixed, there are no guarantees in this life.  The only thing being born guarantees you is that you are going to die.  Any time you get in between those two events is a bonus, and if you get to enjoy any of that time, well, that my friend is what I call "grace". 

And I do enjoy my life.  No, its not all fun and games.  I don't travel the world, or do a lot of exciting activities.  But I have never had an interest in doing those things. The things that I enjoy most in life really don't cost that much, so the lack of disposable income has never stopped me from doing what I wanted to do.  I learned long ago to make do with what I had to work with, and to be grateful that I had as much as I did.  I may not believe in a "God", but I certainly know that I am blessed.  I may not have a lot of money, or a lot of friends, or a lot of much of any thing else (except fabric, I have a lot of fabric), but I have a husband who loves me, a comfortable home, and pretty much every thing I want. I know I am one lucky woman!

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