Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Mother Really is a Study in Contrasts
Someone once asked my the question, "If you were a quilt pattern, what would you be?" The picture above was my answer. It is bright and colorful, loud and cheerful, a little off-kilter and out of balance, and made up of little parts and pieces all sewn together with love.
You may have noticed by now that I am a study in contrasts. There are countless examples of my contradictory thought processes and behaviors in every aspect of my life. I have made peace with most of them, they are what makes me different, I guess, unique in my own twisted little way. They do tend to present some challenges at times though.
You know I love you all Dearly, but I don't like people very much. I do not care what people think of me, but I hate to offend people. I am generous to a fault, but I refuse to be taken advantage of by anyone. I am probably one of the most giving people you will ever meet, but I am extremely selfish. I am extremely intelligent, but I do stupid shit all the freaking time. The room I am sitting in is 73 degrees, but I have three layers of clothes on and I am freezing! I know my husband is the most wonderful man in the world, and I also know he is an incredible asshole. Its never either-or in my world, its almost always both or neither. I guess that's one of the reasons I have such a hard time understanding other people, they seem so singular in their views and beliefs and I am just incapable of thinking that way..
I grew up in an upper middle class family, but I have lived in "poverty" all my adult life, and yet I have never felt richer than I do today. I am lazy, but I like to work hard and hate having nothing to do. I love technology and use it every day all day long, but I still prefer to do a lot of things the way they did them a 100 years ago. I would rather use a hand tool than a power tool whenever possible. I can and do use power tools when necessary, but I'd rather use my own power when I can.
I don't care about appearances, but I devote a lot of time to trying to create beautiful art. I am scared to death of trying new things, but I am always trying to learn something I didn't know before. I love the outdoors, but I hate being outside unless the weather is perfect and the bugs are under control. I consider myself a modern, independent minded woman, but I have never wanted a career outside the home, not even when I had one.
I refuse to follow the crowd, or go with the flow, but I hate to make waves. I don't play favorites on things that matter. I don't have a favorite color, or a favorite flower or a favorite food, but I do have a favorite football team. I write all the time about being crazy, but I think I am probably far more sane than most people. I don't believe in any God, but I try to be far more "Christian" in my behavior towards others than most people who go to church every Sunday.
I love to travel and see new places, but I hate to leave my house. I love to take pictures, but I have remarkably few of my children. I want people to buy my art and my books someday, but I don't ever want to be famous. I have always wanted to teach, but I don't like to talk to people. I find humor in tragedies, especially my own.
I am sure I could come up with a hundred more examples if I sat here thinking about it long enough, but I think you get the picture. So if you didn't understand before why I always refer to myself as being crazy, maybe now you understand a little bit better. How could anybody live inside my head and not be a little crazy?