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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Epiphanies, ... And More Freakin Grapes

Hello there my lovely Internet People!  I have had another rough couple of days, but improvements are still being made, so I suppose that is to be expected.  I had a major epiphany again the other day and it kinda messed with my head a bit.  It occurred to me that I really do not enjoy this Art Quilting thing as much as I proclaim to.  The more I try to do of it, the harder it becomes to have fun with what I am doing.  It appears that my obsessive compulsive nature with this stuff has been allowing me to use it to avoid dealing with my life.  

Don't worry, I have no intention of giving up on the art stuff, I just need to relegate it back to being a fun hobby instead of an all-consuming obsession.  What I really need to be focusing my energies on is writing, and getting healthy.  Probably in the other order, but I think you know what I mean.  Of course as soon as I made this realization I quit writing, but I have been exceptionally busy with work and those damned grapes, and now the grapes are finally done!  Oh my gawd did we have a lot of freakin grapes! 6 solid days of processing!  I made over 5 gallons of grape juice and froze over 12 gallons of grapes!  In case you are wondering, a gallon of grapes is a LOT of freakin grapes!  Each gallon bag weighs in around 8 pounds!  That's over 100 pounds of freaking grapes altogether!  Not counting what he gave away to the neighbors!  By the way if you have never had frozen homegrown grapes, they are delicious!  Frozen candy sorbet in its own container.  And they are particularly useful in combating hot flashes, and better for me than the popsicles I was using before.   

I haven't been out in the flower beds all week because of using all of my spare time and energy on grapes, but I plan on getting back out there tomorrow morning.  I have been trying really hard to make myself eat stuff, and I even started taking vitamins!  Yeah me!  It is finally starting to cool down a little bit so I am hoping I will be able to start baking soon.  Then I will have lots of things to eat.  

In the meantime I am still working through my issues and trying to get back on track for the life I want to live.  I have a lot of work ahead of me, but as long as I keep taking small steps in the right direction I will be doing okay.  It took me 40+ years to get it into the mess it is in, it is gonna take more than a week or two to straighten it all out again.  At least I have the support of my husband, and my friends, that is vast improvement over any other time in my life I tried to get better.  I know I don't have to do this alone, unless I choose to, and learning to make actual positive choices is what this is all about for me. I can choose to be well, and I can choose to quit punishing myself for failing to live up to the expectations of other people, and I am choosing just that.

Hopefully now that the harvest is behind us I can get back to Blogging more regularly again, and get to work on some other writing that I have been putting off for way too long.  Thanks to the patience and understanding of you wonderful readers who have tolerated my incessant ramblings and ridiculous rants I am finally starting to feel free enough to write again.  Your support and encouragement in ways both small and large, have shown me that their are people out there who do want to hear what I have to say, even when it is pointless and boring!  Can you imagine the response I could get if I actually put some effort into being entertaining?  My gawd, I could actually make a living at this (writing that is) someday!  Wouldn't that be something?!

Yes.  Yes, it WILL be something.  Because it IS going to happen.  All I have to do is get my ass in gear and MAKE it happen.  I can do that.  I am doing that.

Until next time ...

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