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Sunday, September 1, 2013

Everyone is a Work in Progress ...

Hello, Hello, Hello!  Well, now I am done with the grapes.  When I posted yesterday I had forgotten about the 3 quarts of raisins that were still in the dehydrator drying.  But they are also now done, bagged, and cleaned up after.  All of the assorted accoutrements utilized in processing the grapes are also washed and put away now too, so that is one more task accomplished for the year.

I didn't make it out to the flower bed this morning, but hopefully tomorrow will bring me better motivation.  I had a terrible dream of some kind last night, I don't remember what it was, I never remember my dreams, but I woke up feeling this overwhelming need to get straight out of bed and go kill myself.  That shit ain't good.  Obviously, I got over it, but I have no clue why I felt that way, or why the feeling was so severe.  I haven't felt suicidal in years and years, what the hell was that shit about?

My husband tells me I shouldn't worry about it.  "Quit thinking" he says.  Bwahhaahhahha!  Like I could do that!  He's so funny!  No, I know what he saying, and he is right, I shouldn't start fixating on it, but just trying to understand something does not make it fixating!  I have been asking my body to tell me what it is that keeps holding me back from taking care of myself, and it is telling me, so I think I need to listen.  My problems came about because I have made a life around ignoring what my body says, If I am going to get well, I need to listen, and to respond, preferably with some kindness and love.

He is absolutely right though.  I do spend way too much time thinking about shit instead of doing it.  And I am thinking about how to change that.  Haha.  I am working on changing it though.  Not as much as I would like, but like I said before, as long as I keep taking steps in the right direction I am doing good.  The size of the steps is not relevant, only the direction.  Keep pointed toward your goal and you will get there.  Everyone is a work in progress, unless they are dead.


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