I am totally lying about that, I want a lot more than a few minutes, but that would be a start anyway. Life is just too damn noisy! Strike that, people are too damn noisy. The sounds of nature don't bother me usually. Well, except for the one mentally challenged wood pecker that pounds on the aluminum siding of the house like a jackhammer right above my head at 5 o'clock in the morning, he's kind of a pain. But, beyond him, and the poor neglected canines of the neighborhood, most nature sounds are fine. Its the people sounds that are driving me bonkers!
I have tried ear plugs, head phones, white noise, nothing is working! The people sounds still seep through and grate on my nerves like the proverbial finger nails on a chalkboard. I wasn't always like this. Sounds didn't used to bother me at all, I have been a heavy metal fan for decades, noise was never a problem before. There was actually a time when I had silence all around me, and all I could think to do was turn on the radio to make some noise. But that was a long freakin time ago. A life time ago. Now, I drive my husband crazy by muting the sound on his TV every time he leaves the room. He can't hear it if he isn't there, why should I have to listen to it?
What I really want are a pair of the headphones that they use on TV shows so the contestant can't hear anything that's going on. Where do I get a pair of those? If the folks on "Hell's Kitchen" can put on a pair of those and not hear Gordon Ramsey standing right next to them, I need a pair of those! Now!
I think part of the reason that the noises bother me so much is probably because I am not "allowed" to make my own noise. Almost every conversation with my husband includes him telling me to "tone it down", and he is not alone, most people tell me I am "too loud" or "too excitable" at some point. I am not allowed to listen to music anymore. If I put it on the stereo, its too loud, or somebody wants to watch TV. If I try to put in earphones to listen, then I am "ignoring" everybody and "neglecting" them. If I try to watch a show on TV, someone decides that is the perfect time to tell me all about something that happened 30 years ago that I have heard about 37 times before. NO, it cannot wait 5 minutes for the next 10 minute commercial break, it must be retold NOW. And, as any Mother out there knows all too well, talking on the telephone is an open invitation to every member of your family to bring you their most trivial and inane botherations in rapid succession.
Maybe the reason the noises bother me so much now is because I have no escape from them. I used to be able to just go for a walk, or go "shopping" for a few hours by myself. I would put my headphone on and spend hours alone in my own little world just wandering around town. I am not allowed to do that anymore either. I haven't left the house without the three members of my entourage in over two years! My husband refuses to allow me to leave the house by myself unless I have a complete printed itinerary of every place I might possibly go, and how long I will be at each place, and a list of every reason I could possibly have to go there in the first place. And then I have to have a valid, documented and notarized reason why they can't all just go along too. Apparently, "I just want to be alone and wander around aimlessly for a little while" is not considered to be a valid reason. I wonder if "Get the fuck out of my way before I kill someone" would be better received?
Actually, I know it would be, because that was exactly how I got out of the house alone that one time two years ago. I just hate being forced to get to that point. I am so sick and tired of allowing my life to be limited by other people's irrational fears. Talk about insanity! I didn't lose my mind, I just allowed other people to run it. That is crazy!
So I guess the question I am left with is, am I gonna stay crazy, or am I going to start taking control of my own mind, and my own life? Am I going to start making some more noise of my own, or I am going to continue allowing my voice to be stifled by the fears and ignorance of others? Am I really just supposed to be another cog in the machine, or is there a whole lot more to life that I am denying myself, and the rest of the world? And, perhaps most importantly, am I ever going to be able to "get my head out of my ass and grow a freakin backbone"? Goodness knows I could sure use one of those these days.
Until Next Time ...
I ended up getting dad silicone earplugs one Christmas, because he kept asking for peace and quiet. (Silicone ones work very well.) Those coupled with headphones may work very well.
ReplyDeleteCould try to say you're going for a walk with a friend of yours? Jogging or something? Leave the cell phone at home, or leave it off like my mom does until you need to call someone.
If they think you're being neglectful, perhaps attempting conversation with them while during their non-commercial time, as well as insisting on "family time" during supper and after they come home from school/work or on weekends. That will show 'em.