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Friday, September 13, 2013

I Have Been Punked, By Life

Hello again lovely Internet People!  I don't know how many of you watch those reality TV shows where they play practical jokes on people and film their reactions.  Ashton Kutcher did one a while back they called "Punk'd", I don't know if its still on or not.  My husband likes to watch those kind of shows sometimes, I can't stand them.

I don't like practical jokes to begin with.  I am waaaaaay too emotionally high strung for that shit.  They are not funny to me, just stupid, mean, and/or pointless.  Most of the time. Once in a while somebody comes up with one that is actually funny, but that very rare.  Now, it isn't because I am unwilling to laugh at myself, if you have been around here very long you know I laugh at myself all the time!  I am a hot freakin mess and I know it, and I have to laugh at myself or I would never be able to stop crying.

I think the reason I don't like practical jokes, or the shows about them, is that it already feels like my entire life has been one big practical joke after another, all of them at my expense.  Anybody that has met my ex-husband cannot argue with this assessment.  But it goes way beyond him.  

"You are so smart, you can be anything you want to be."  I heard that line a LOT growing up, usually right before being told that I should learn to type so I could get a job as a secretary.  My parents greatest aspiration for me was that I "marry well".  Yeah, um, that's just Awesome. 

So what did I do?  Yep, the exact opposite! To be fair to me, I didn't really do it on purpose.  I mean I did, but I didn't.  I knew the guy was gonna destroy my life, I just didn't know he was also gonna be a leach on society for the rest of his life.  I thought I was marrying a blue collar working man, boy did I get punked on that one!

I have memories of my Mother actually telling me as a child, on several occasions, "you are so smart, its too bad you were born a girl."  Or something to that effect.  Now, to be fair, I am not really sure she ever actually said that out loud.  But I do remember hearing it, more times than I can count.  Whether it was spoken or unspoken, it was always how I felt.  Or how I felt that they felt.  Or both.  Mostly both.

So, yeah, I got punked, by being smart.  Having the whole world dangled in front of me, but always kept just out of my reach.  I can be anything I want to be, as long as I don't want to be anything.  Awesome.  That's helpful.  Not.

Hell, even most of the people I have considered my dearest friends throughout my life have punked the fuck out of me in one way or another.  Stabbing me in the back, robbing me blind, treating me like garbage, these are the thanks I get for caring about people.  Totally Awesome.

Okay, yeah, I know, all of that is entirely my fault.  I am the dumbass who keeps trying to help people when I ought to know better by now.  It never seems to end well for me.  They make out great, I get screwed.  Ah, the beauty of friendship.  Haha, punked again!

Every time I think I have every thing going good in my life, somebody, some where, for some reason, decides in their infinite wisdom, that I need to be fucked with.  It Never fails.  I am just not allowed to have a happy, stress-free life.  Yeah, I know, welcome to the club, its called everybody.

That's the worst part.  At least 90% of the problems I have in my life are deliberately and intentionally caused by other people!  If people would quit fucking with one another, on purpose, that would really help.  If you don't like somebody, just ignore them.  You really do not need to go out of your way to make their life miserable, they are probably doing just fine at that on their own.  I know I damn sure don't need all the help I have been getting lately!

And if you do like somebody, fucking act like it already!  You don't steal from the people you care about, especially when they are trying to help you, that's just fucked up.  You don't treat somebody like an afterthought, and then wonder why they are upset with you for complaining to them that somebody else is treating you like an afterthought.  And you sure as hell don't spend their entire life trying to make them feel inferior, for any reason.

Like I said before, all my fault for not being like everybody else, for putting myself out there when I really should know better by now.  I don't know why I cannot get it through my thick skull that other people are never going to give a crap about me.  Most people just aren't capable of caring for anybody, except themselves, and they don't even do that very well.  Unfortunately, I am not like most people, and I refuse to become like them, so I am relatively sure that life is going to keep right on punking me, every chance it gets.    
Until Next Time ...                                     

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