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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Learning That Life Is About The Journey

 Hello there Internet People!  I am having some trouble getting going on the writing today, so please bear with me as I use this post to try to jump start my brain.  I did manage to make it outside this morning and I spent another hour and a half yanking and tugging at salt grass.  My right hand is so sore I think I may have let out a little scream a time or two when I tried to close my fingers around a clump of grass.  I think it may be the beginnings of arthritis because it did seem to get a little better the more I used it.  Of course now it feels like I ran over it with a tractor, but I suppose that is to be expected.  

I did manage to do pretty good with the whole eating food thing yesterday, I even managed to eat enough to feel full at one point.  That was different.  Usually I just eat until I am tired of chewing, or tasting, whatever I am eating, which generally happens long before I am actually full.  Yesterday I made a point to try to just eat, as much as I could, as often as I could.  And apparently it all added up by the end of the day.  I am trying to do the same today.  So far it seems to be working.  I just need to keep on with it.

I am feeling much better than I have in a very long time.  I still have my moments, but I think I am developing actual goals for my life, for my self.  I have never had the confidence to do that before.  I took a class in College about setting goals and planning for the future you want, but at the time the entire concept seemed rather unrealistic to me.  Honestly, I saw setting goals as a one-way ticket to guaranteeing disaster.  I used to have this recurring nightmare that I was alone in a car going very fast down the highway, but I was always sitting in the passenger seat, trying to steer the car from over there.  I was NOT in charge of my own life.  I am still not sure who was, but it was not me.  Whatever choices I made or goals I set for myself were sure to be overridden by forces beyond my control, so why bother?

Fortunately I know better now.  I may not be "in control" of my life, but I can take control, of my choices and my abilities, and use them to make my life better.  I don't have to just go along for the ride in life, I can get into the driver's seat and decide where I am going to go, if not the rate at which I am going to travel.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I think I have reached it at just the right time.  And while I hope I still have a long way to go on my journey through life, for the first time, I think maybe ever, I am really looking forward to the journey, and not just the final destination.

Until Next Time ...


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