Friday, March 8, 2013
Let In The Light
Holy Toledo Internet People! Can you believe it is finally Friday?! I was beginning to think this week would never come to an end. No. not really, but it sure felt that way a few times. It has been a long week. Yes, I know it hasn't really been any longer than any other week (actually I think its shorter since we skip an hour this weekend), but it felt that way. And I don't know why. It wasn't a bad week. It has actually been the best week I have had in months as far as the business side of my life goes. And it has been pretty good for my personal life as well, so I am not sure why this week has seemed to go on forever, but it sure has to me.
I didn't make a whole lot of progress on the basket yesterday. For some strange reason I just couldn't get into sewing at all. That's why we ended up with three Blog posts yesterday. I probably should have churned out a few more, but I pretty much just spent the day wandering around inside my head. It is a very interesting place, I can get lost there for hours. I try not to, but there is so much to see and do, so many things to think about, sometimes I just can't help myself.
I used to hate it there. It used to be a very dark and scary place. But I did some remodeling a few years back, put in some windows, cleaned out the cobwebs, installed new lights, and just brightened it all up so that it is a much more enjoyable place to spend my time. I probably spend way too much time there now, but its so nice to have a place to go where I can lock all the hateful stupid people out and just be free to enjoy myself and the worlds I have constructed there.
Once in a while I will still wander into one of the dark corners that were missed in the remodel project. They remind me of where I do NOT want to ever go again.
Light. Light really is the answer when I think about it. Depression is darkness, and there is only one way to dispel the darkness, with light. Figuratively and literally, that is what I did that changed my life. I turned the fucking lights on. I opened the curtains and let the sunshine in. I use "light therapy" in a big way without even realizing it. Light, and Gratitude, saved me from myself.
I'll get back to the gratitude later because I think that is equally important but I don't want to lose my train of thought on the light issue because this is actually a new concept for me. Not the idea of "light therapy", I heard of that years ago and knew then that there was some logic to it. But the idea that I had actually been doing it all along and not realized it, that is a new concept.
Okay, so, when I was a teenager was when my depression really kicked in. Guess where I was living at the time? In a dark basement. I spent a great majority of my time down there, as much time as possible whenever I was at home. And throughout my life, whenever my depression was at its worst was when I was living (or working) somewhere with extremely dim lighting and little to no natural sunlight.
I was still early in my "recovery" from depression, if that's what you want to call it, when I met my husband. When I first moved in with him, he had all the windows on one side of the house covered up. The first thing I did when I moved in was make him take it all down. He tried explaining his logic for putting it up to keep the blinding afternoon sun out, but that was not relevant, I knew then I couldn't live there with the windows covered up. Curtains or mini blinds can cut down the brightness at the worst time of the day, but I need the windows clear. And I need light. I made him install more light fixtures throughout the house and I think I bought a dozen new lamps. At the time I just thought I needed all the extra light to be able to see clearly, but now I realize it affects far more than just the way my eyes see, it also affects how my mind sees.
Even today, if I forget to open the curtains in the morning I will start feeling down. The minute I let the light in I start feeling better. I'd probably feel even better if I actually went outside and spent some time in the sunshine, but there is no point in pushing it. For now, I think I will just sit here for a while, gazing out the window at the day, and wander a little bit more in my favorite landscape. Until next time ...