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Sunday, November 10, 2013

Brand Spanking New, Ultra-Secret, Extremely Impractical Project

Hello again Lovely Internet People!  Hope everyone out there in the interwebs is having an awesome day!  I have been sitting here catching up on the news of the day and the workings of the world and just generally enjoying a quiet Sunday morning and I thought maybe I should pop in here and see if I could come up with something entertaining for you all to enjoy.

Then, I started typing, and there was nothing entertaining coming out on the page. No surprise there.  So I started thinking again.  And thinking, and thinking, and thinking.  Nope, I got nothin.

For the last several days (maybe weeks, I am losing track of time again), I have been working on a brand spanking new, ultra-secret, extremely impractical project for all of you.  Okay fine, it's really actually just for me, but I do hope you will enjoy it too.  If you have been following along around here you may already know that I have been in a desperate search for a productive and challenging use of my time that might in some way lend itself to making the world suck just a little bit less for myself, and as many other people as possible.  I think I have finally found it.

I am not sure how "productive" it will actually be, that is dependent on a lot of factors that are beyond my control, but I know it will be challenging, and I do have some small hopes that it will be at least minimally successful in reducing the world suck quotient at any given point in time. 

So what in the world are you talking about this time Mother?  Damn I wish this woman would learn to get to the freakin point without all this talking in circles crap!  No, you don't, if you wanted to read something written by someone who was capable of getting to the damn point without all these silly innuendos and colloquial circle jerks, you wouldn't be here reading my shit in the first place.  So quit pretending you don't enjoy my nonsense when you know you really do.

Anyway, for as long as I can remember (which may or may not be that long, since memory isn't my strong suit anymore) I have had this secret dream of being a comedian.  Up until a few weeks ago I had never expressed this desire out loud to anyone because there had never been anyone in my life who would have approved of such a career choice for me.  And to be fair, as a self-confessed, emotionally high-strung, obscenely sensitive, anti-social, anorexic, agoraphobic, with an anxiety disorder and an overwhelming terror of public speaking, who also happens to be extremely uncomfortable with being the center of attention, perhaps comedy is not the most optimal career path, but I did mention I was looking for a challenge.

All my life, the one thing that has always been the most gratifying to me is to make other people happy.  I find no greater joy than in being able bring laughter to people who desperately need it.  When I was an adolescent I used to sign off on all of my letters and notes with the phrase, "With Love and Laughter".  That simple little phrase defines me, it defines my life goals, my mission, my purpose, and it is time I learn to create a world around it.  And that is exactly what I am trying to do now.   
So how does a self-confessed emotionally high-strung, obscenely sensitive, anti-social, anorexic, agoraphobic, with an anxiety disorder and an overwhelming terror of public speaking, who also happens to be extremely uncomfortable with being the center of attention go about becoming a comedian without leaving the house or actually interacting in the real world with actual people?  The Internet of course!

I am in the process of developing my own web site which will hopefully be an amalgamation of happy, silly, fun stuff that will bring happiness and joy to at least one or two people over the course of its theoretical existence. Now, a great percentage of what you will eventually find there has not been created yet, so this is going to take more than a little bit of time before it is ready to make anyone happy, besides me, who gets to be happy by learning all kinds of new things that I have no freakin clue how to do yet. 

The envisioned web site will (hopefully) contain a multitude of resources for inducing fits of giggles and maybe even some all out belly bursting laughter, all available with just the click of a mouse.  Along with Pages for the pretty much mandatory silly picture galleries, and of course Blog posts filled with these awe inspiring colloquial conundrums that I have become so famous for over the last couple of years, there will also be a vast array of brand new genres of silliness!  I am working at writing a whole bunch of new "songs" with original music which will all be really bad because I can't sing and I don't know shit about music, but I think they will be funny anyway, and that is the only point. 

And, I am in the process of working up the courage to start making something they call a "Vlog", which is basically just making a video of me actually talking to you instead of you just having to read the words yourself like you do here.  I truly believe these would be an outrageous hit if for no other reason than the fact that most people will find me extremely funny looking and may watch just for that reason.  I am trying to get used to that idea, and be okay with it, but I must admit it is something I still have some work to do on.  

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time on YouTube lately, doing research on this whole vlogging concept, and no matter how long I searched or how many variations of search terms I used, I could not find anyone out there who was even remotely like me.  After much extensive searching I found a few Vloggers who are middle aged women (very few), but they were either doing DIY videos for crafting, or home repair projects, or make-up tutorials, or some other incredibly useful and informative crap like that, and they all look like they have their own professional make up artists and an entire production crew.  The very, very few female vloggers who were just there to share ideas and induce laughter in their viewers were all under the age of 30, most of them less than 20!  I could not find even one single independent middle aged female vlogger who wasn't pushing a product line or promoting some propagandist agenda.  Wait, I take that back, I did find one, there is one very awesome woman who does outrageous covers of popular songs and some other silly stuff, but even she is the polar opposite of me in just about everything except the silliness factor. 

Now it could very well be that I could not find any of these women because no one on the planet besides me has any interest in finding them.  I know I am completely and totally unique, but what remains to be seen is whether or not people will find that entertaining, or just annoying.  I know there are at least a few people out there who seem to enjoy my sense of humor, and I really hope we can find a few more in the coming months and years. 

Of course all of this is totally dependent on me figuring out a whole bunch of new complicated and intricate computer programs and getting over my semi-paralyzing fear of being recorded in any way, but I do have high hopes for a potential launch date of early next year.  I am shooting for the first of January, but I am not too sure how realistic that is since I don't even have any of the programs to even look at yet.  Hopefully, by the end of next week I may have a better idea of exactly how much work is ahead of me.  In the meantime I am super duper excited about all these fantastical ideas for supremely silly content that I hope to create.  Stay tuned for updates and exciting announcements coming to a Blog, and a couple of Facebook Pages, near you soon.  

Until Next Time ... 

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