When I first started the Facebook Page, and then this Blog I really didn't have any plan for what I wanted to do with them. I certainly never expected them to grow to the proportions that they did, that is still just amazing to me. I have just been stumbling along, trying to find my footing, trying to define myself and my life and what the fuck I am doing here, and doing a pretty piss poor job of it most of the time because I really had no clue what I was doing or why I was doing it.
After two very short years I have come to learn a lot about what I really want to do with what is left of my life, and the results are far different than what I envisioned when I began this journey. By allowing myself this avenue of expression I have finally begun to see just how much I have been missing in my life, how much of myself I have sacrificed for the comfort of others. This simple experiment in self expression has led me to the discovery of so many things about myself that really shouldn't have surprised me nearly as much as they did. And I know there is so much more yet to discover, there is something inside me that is straining to break free of its confines and I can't help but feel this is going to be epic. Monumental, in a way that the Basket from last Spring never could even begin to match. I am becoming what I am meant to be, and she is so different from what I had been led to believe. What I have trying to be for the last quarter of a century is not who I am, I never felt as if who I really am was an acceptable person to be, until now.
I am beginning to understand my place in this world, why I am the person I am, and now I just need to figure out how to do what I need to do to be who I am supposed to be. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am starting to get some idea of how to go about doing that work. Now, if I could only figure out how I am going to get someone to pay me for it, I would be in good shape. I really need a new source of income, preferably before we end up being homeless because we can't make the rent. As much as I hate money, we do need some to survive on this stupid planet these days, and our businesses are just not doing good enough at the moment to do that, so I need to figure out a new way to increase my income at least enough to be qualified as having one.
I know, I am probably talking in circles at you all again, sorry about that. That is just how my brain works. I am still trying to sort out the details of all that I have learned about myself, and I am still trying to figure out just exactly what the next steps will be in my attempts to create this new life that I am envisioning. As soon as I know what the heck I am talking about I am sure I will let you all know, but everything is still in the conceptualization phase, and I don't have a concrete concept to share with you just yet. Hopefully soon, but not yet.
In the mean time I have a lot of work ahead of me so i suppose I better sign outta here and get to working on it. I will be back again soon, with lots more nothing to say. Until next time ...
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