I am not really much of a holiday person any more. I try to go through at least some of the motions for the sake of the kids, but I really just can't get into the whole "celebration" thing. Its just another fucking day to me. One that generally involves doing a lot of extra work that I do not enjoy. I am thankful and grateful for my life every day, I don't need to dedicate one day a year to it. And I hate being told when I am supposed to give things to the people I love, I don't care what stupid day it is, if I find something that I think some one will enjoy, I want to give it to them, right now! I don't want to wait until the appropriate holiday arrives, I don't have time for that shit! And with the way shit happens in my life, I may not even be able to give it to them by the time the approved holiday rolls around, so I am stuck with a reminder of how fucked up my life is. Awesome. Yeah, I don't much care for holidays.
And this whole fixation with holiday food? Hahaha. Um, not something that interests me, at all. Yes, I will very much enjoy the meal that my husband is busy preparing, but it won't be any thing like the culinary orgies going on in many other homes across this country today. And the entirety of the caloric intake I will consume today, is probably equal to what most people have for breakfast. So, yeah, not a food person.
As for the whole gathering together of friends and family thing? Yeah, well, that doesn't really work for me either. I have never had a lot of friends, and my family makes me uncomfortable (to put it mildly), so the whole concept of holiday "togetherness", is something I have pretty much always felt left out of anyway.
I used to really enjoy decorating the house for the holidays, but even that tiny bit of enthusiasm has dulled with the years. It just dawned on me that I am supposed to start the Christmas decorating tomorrow, that's my holiday tradition. While millions of Americans are trampling over one another at the malls, I have always spent Black Friday at home, putting up fake trees and sparkly lights. And I will do it again this year, perhaps with a little less enthusiasm than in my younger years, but that is pretty much how I do every thing these days.
Damn, I hope this post didn't sound as depressing to all of you as it does to me. That wasn't my intention. Holidays aren't depressing, they just aren't very exciting to me. I could, if I let myself, fall into a that deep dark hole of depression on any given holiday, but I choose not to allow that to happen. I don't think about the things that are missing, I remind myself, as I do every day, of all of the things that are not missing, and I focus on how extraordinarily grateful I am for those. And you guys. I am really grateful to every person that is visited this Blog and taken a few precious moments out of their lives to read the slightly incoherent words of this crazy middle aged lady who never expected anyone to actually read any of this shit. You are fucking Awesome! Thank YOU!
Until Next Time ...
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