Thursday, March 8, 2012
I am Weird!
I have come to accept that people like me will never fit into this world. I am not a round peg who will neatly line up in my little round hole. I am asymmetrical, unconventional, and more than a little warped perhaps. I stand out when others would rather I blend in. I scream out loud my joys and frustrations with life when others would rather I sit quietly in the corner and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. Other people might see me as crazy, but usually they just try to pretend they don't see me at all. It took me a long time to learn that this is not a reflection on me, it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. It is about their deficiencies, their ignorance, their jealousy, and their fear. Its not about me at all.
I am different. I like to think. I think a lot, about a lot of things. Mostly I seem to think about things that other people would rather I did NOT think about. I place value in things that they see as unimportant and I shun the things that they believe have value. Some days I wonder if I was even born on the right planet!
I refuse to accept what I am told without knowing where the information originated. I question those things which I am told should not be questioned. I want to stand up for what I believe even when I am being told that what I believe in is wrong. I think people should be free to live their lives however they choose as long as they don't infringe on anyone else's right to live how they want. No one should be able to tell me what I can or cannot do to or with my own body or my life. I sure don't presume to tell anyone else what they should or should not do with theirs. I do not believe that your right to practice your religion gives you the right to dictate to anyone else what medical treatment they can or cannot have. Or what profession they may choose, who they should be allowed to marry, or anything else for that matter. Your religious beliefs are just freaking fine, as long as you keep them to yourself!
I love to learn. While I like a good story, I would rather read about real events and actual processes. I have read thousands of books in my lifetime, at least half or more were non-fiction. I finding learning new things extremely enjoyable, and for some reason I have been told this in not normal, that learning is “hard work it is not supposed to be fun”. I home school my children for both educational and religious reasons, because I believe there is too little education and too much religion in the Public Schools.
I do not care about appearances. I don't give a crap what the neighbors will think. And I have never had any interest in keeping up with the Jones' either, Material things don't really interest me unless they serve a purpose.
I am obsessive about my hobbies and interests. And I have issues with compulsive shopping related to those hobbies and interests. I have a deep seated need to acquire information, tools and supplies of all kinds that apply to anything that interests me. And since I have an extreme multitude of interests, I tend to collect a lot of stuff. Where other people may have 100s of pairs of shoes, or closets full of clothes, or shelves full of curios and collectables, I have fabrics and ribbons, beads and stencils, scissors and punches and paints and dyes. And books! Oh my do I have books! I have actually significantly downsized my library several times over the years, but it just keeps re-expanding. I have books on almost every subject you can think of: geology, psychology, quilting, embroidery, quantum physics, political science, home improvement, home decorating, gardening, history, botany, biology, spirituality, human sexuality, applique, ecology, sustainability, environmental science, archeology, geography, survivalism, dyeing, painting, stenciling, cooking, baking, zoology, chemistry, self-help, herbal medicine, womens' studies, cultural studies, law, business, technology, ethics, logic, mechanics, electronics, astronomy, wood working, architecture, mathematics … seriously, I have at least one book (usually several) on everyone of those subjects and that is just off the top of my head, there are more I am sure.
I also collect rocks. Not fancy, polished semi-precious stones mind you, but rocks. When I left my ex-husband I moved 32 milk-crates filled with my rock collection. I don't have nearly that many now, I have edited down that collection as well so that I only have enough to fill about 9 or 10 crates now. I drive my husband crazy because I actually have “inside rocks” and “outside rocks”. He doesn't really understand the concept of “inside rocks”, but I don't suppose most people would,
I am just weird. I accept that. I am okay with it. Some people do not like me because I am weird, and I am okay with that too. I know that it is their loss. Weird is beautiful. If others cannot see my beauty I can only hope that someday they can find their own.