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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Telephobia Is Not Fun!

Hello there Lovely Internet People!  Mother has always tried to be pretty open about her myriad of psychological malfunctions.  I don't see them as something to hide from or be ashamed of, there are a necessary and normal part of my survival, and I do my best to enjoy them whenever possible.  
Unfortunately there are some dysfunctions, that while they may serve a useful purpose in my struggle for survival, they are not really fun, or even funny.  My telephobia is one such dysfunction.  I really hate the freakin telephone.  I am not really "afraid" of it, its not like I think it is going to grow teeth and bite me or anything.  I just have a freakin panic attack every time I even think about calling someone, or just answering the damn phone.

I had to call eBay today to deal with a stupid customer who refused to take no for an answer and tried to use a second account to buy an item she knew she was blocked from buying.  What she did was totally and completely against eBay rules.  I was completely in the right, and I knew that, but I still had rivers of sweat cascading from both armpits that could have rivaled the annual output of the Amazon, and knots in my stomach tight enough to strangle an insect.  It really didn't help either when the woman who answered the call had an extremely thick accent that I could barely comprehend.  I have a hard enough time understanding what people are saying on the phone when they speak clearly, throw in an accent and I am totally lost.  I cannot understand speech unless I can see the person speaking, it doesn't process correctly in my brain.  I hear the words just fine, I just cannot understand what is being said.  Even in person, I can't hear you if I am not wearing my glasses, on the phone, I am lost.  And no, video calling would NOT make it better!  I sure as hell don't want people to see ME when I look like something the cat wouldn't even drag in most of the time!

So, after 20 minutes of back and forth, I think I have everything straightened out with eBay.  Still not sure, but I think so.  Of course if the stupid customer tries to leave me a negative feedback I will have to go through this shit all over again, but for now I think I am covered.  

That phone call was two hours ago.  I had to take a bath when I got off the phone.  I was soaking wet from sweating, my entire body was shaking, and my hands and feet were completely numb.  And this was from a call that had very little possibility of not turning out in my favor!  Two hours later, after it did turn out in my favor, I am still shaking.  I can feel my toes now, but controlling my fingers to type is still a challenge.  

I can't even handle calling people I do want to talk to!  I am always sure it will be a bad time, and that I will be bothering them, even if they told me to call!  And having them call me isn't much better.  Every time the phone rings my heart stops beating.  Our phone doesn't ring very often, and when it does it is usually not someone we want to talk to, so the sound of the ring hits me like a mortar round exploding in my head.  Its not pleasant.

I do have a cell phone.  But I don't use it.  I got it for emergencies, but since I don't get to go anywhere by myself, if there was ever an emergency the only person I could call is already with me.  I have never sent a text message and have no interest in starting, computers are for messaging, they work just fine.  From what I have seen, most people who do a lot of texting seem to forget how to spell, or how to use grammar or punctuation, and generally come across as being unable to form a coherent thought if their life depended on it.  Not something I have any interest in, I have enough issues of my own, thanks anyway.

Oh well, I survived another encounter with the evil beast, that is all that matters, right?  Until next time ...

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