Hello Internet People! Well, I managed to shoot the shit outta all my resolutions yesterday, and today is not looking a whole lot better. Yesterday I was just busy being obsessive over my newest creative endeavor and managed to forget about eating or writing for most of the day. Today, I got slammed with an emotional bowling ball in the gut this morning and it has made eating rather a low priority at the moment. I managed to choke down a cupful of dry Cheerios a little while ago, but I am not pushing myself beyond that right now.
So, we'll start with the fun stuff, and I will get to the bowling ball later. The other day, would have been Sunday I think, I wrote about how I was feeling rather lost in my own head and not being able to decide what to work on. Well at some point after I logged out of here I got hit by an inspiration. I mentioned a while back that I have been itching to do some hand applique (why?, I still have no clue, but I am a glutton for punishment, so there could be that), well I was looking through one of my books on reverse applique and I decided that I wanted to do that. So I grabbed my tablet of graph paper, some rulers, and my handy dandy mechanical pencil and I set upon drawing this:
This is my template. The white parts will be black in the finished piece, and what shows black in this picture (its my no shit-stay-put-mat) will be the pretty blue batik fabric that you will see in a minute.
Okay, so this template is actually only 1/4 of the actual design, so I marked the center lines on my fabric with a pencil that will wash out later, and then taped down the pattern in each section and traced around it with a permanent pen (I am being brave). All the lines should disappear when I do the applique, so hopefully it will work out all right. Anyway, here is the entire pattern, drawn out on the fabric (yes, it is actually a very black fabric, it just looks washed out in the picture) :
Can you all see all the animal faces in the picture? I did NOT intend any of them to be there! They all just happened by chance. My youngest son saw a lion's face in it first, and from there I have found a monkey, 2 different owls, a rabbit, a lamb, and a duckbill dinosaur and my husband found an elephant!
Next I took and layered this black piece under my batik fabric and after making sure both pieces were perfectly straight I taped them down so they could not shift on me. Then I marked off a 1 inch grid pattern on the back on the batik fabric and basted all the lines while it was all still taped to the table. Let me tell you what, my fucking fingers are sore! But, those two pieces of fabric are as perfectly straight and completely secured as they could possibly ever hope to be. Here is a picture of the back after I finished the basting this morning :
This is the back of the fabric, but since it is a batik fabric the back is almost as bright as the front.
And here's the front again, all basted in place.
Now, keep in my mind, I am pretty sure this is not how normal people would go about this. The book I was looking at said to baste within the design lines, but that wasn't going to work for me with this pattern, so I went with something I was pretty certain I couldn't fuck up too much.
Okay, so now it is all set up and ready to get started on. And I am scared to touch it. No, not really. I am waiting for some new supplies I ordered to arrive. Yes, I spent money again. No, I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway. For the first time in my life I actually bought some high quality hand needles and thread. I have always just used the ones from the bargain bin or the dollar store for hand work. That might be why I have always struggled with them, but we shall see. Unfortunately they won't be here until at least Friday, so I probably won't make a whole lot of progress on this until after then. That is okay though, this is a long-term project. I am in no hurry to get it done, because there would be no point in that, it is gonna take as long as it is gonna take, and I am pretty sure that is gonna be a good long while.
Anyway, that was my excuse for skipping a couple of my appointed eating times, and my writing time, yesterday. And I was all set and determined to start today out on the right foot, and then I read my emails. This is where the bowling ball comes in. I got an email from my Mother this morning. (You may or may not remember that she has not spoken to me or even acknowledged my existence since I blew up at them a little over a year ago.) It turns out her cancer came back and she is facing a new round of whatever treatment they decide to give her this time, and she thought I had a "right" to know. Oh, and by the way, they "still love me".
How do I even respond to this?
I did manage to come up with a very short, very cordial response to my Mother that shouldn't inflame anyone. I sure don't want to upset her when she is sick, but I don't want any of them back in my life either. I know they cannot understand why, so there is no point in trying to explain it to them. If it brings them peace and comfort to think that I am just a spoiled rotten fucking little bitch, then that is fine, its easier on them than trying to face the truth and I have no problem being the "bad guy". That is the role they have always placed me in, so they can keep me there if they want, but I am just not participating anymore.
So, today is a new day, I am not going to place any unnecessary stress on my fragile psyche today, but I am going to work at getting back on track. I think that is the biggest problem most people face whenever they try to change their lifestyles, whether through dieting or exercise or whatever, the first time they fall off the program they just stop trying. The key, as I see it, is to acknowledge that everyone has a bad day (or a bad week, even a bad month) once in a while, and just keep right on going as if it never happened. Learning new habits and thought processes is not a quick process, it takes LOTS of time, and anything that takes LOTS of time, has the propensity to foster LOTS of setbacks. The trick is to not get so wrapped up in the setbacks that you negate the progress. So, I am not doing that, I am moving forward. No, I haven't eaten yet today, but I will here shortly, and I will do my level best to keep right on eating. At least until the next bowling ball comes swinging in out of right field.
You've a beautiful start on the applique. What a lovely choice!
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