Saturday, January 5, 2013
Mother's New Eating Challenge
Hello again Internet People! Today is the first day of the rest of your life! For me, today was the day I finally decided it is time to make some real changes in my life so that I can at least have the potential to keep on living for a while longer. I have talked about my eating problems a little bit in the past, but I have never let on just how bad it has gotten. I don't like food. I don't like to eat. So I have trained my body to get along fairly well on very little food intake. Mostly I run on very high doses of sugar with a little bit of caffeine thrown in for flavor. It has worked for me for more than 30 years. It isn't working so well anymore. When I stepped on the scale the other day and found I had fallen back down to 96 pounds, I knew I had to make some changes.
So, as much of the nation starts the new year with a resolution to lose weight, I start mine with the determination to fucking gain some weight. I made it all the way up to 112 pounds a couple of years ago, but all the emotional upheaval of the last couple of years have just sucked it all away again. That was the only time in my entire life that I weighed over 100 pounds while NOT being pregnant, and I was fucking thrilled with it. And now i want to make it back there again, and stay there this time.
I know the only way that this is ever going to happen is if i force myself to start fucking eating. So starting today, I am making myself eat something every two hours that I am awake. At this point I do not care what it is, I will worry about that later. Right now I just need to get used to eating again, so whatever I can get down at the time is going to be just fucking wonderful. And yes, I am going to bore the fuck out of all of you with daily updates on my consumption levels. I am sure most of you couldn't care less that I ate solid food a total of four times today so far, but if I make myself be accountable to all of you, that is just one more reason why I have to keep with this even if I don't want to. So by putting up with my ridiculously mundane eating updates, you are actually helping save my life, so hopefully that will motivate all of you to put up with me, somehow.
I was looking for some kind of "gadget" I could put on the sidebar of the Blog here where I could record my progress. I kinda thought since there are so many damn weight loss blogs out there, there should be a calender type gadget for recording their efforts. I didn't find one yet, but I might look again later. I'd like some way to keep track of what I eat, and how much, and when, to track my progress going forward. But I reckon the needle on the scale finally going back the other way again will be a pretty good way to track it anyway.
I told you all I needed to start finding some kind of abnormal schedule that I can work within to get more shit done, the eating schedule is the first of what I hope will be many steps in that direction this year. I can control whether or not I eat, so it is time to start taking control of it.
Its time to get busy living again, I have too much shit left to do to be dying any time soon. Until Next time, ... Namaste.