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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Learning a New Way of Thinking

Hello Internet People!  I just finished cleaning up my work area in the bonus room and thought I would pop in here and fire off a Blog post before my game starts this evening.  It sure feels good to have all my tools and supplies organized and accessible again.  What I really need is just a huge open space with lots of tables and shelves so I could have everything in one place, but that is not gonna happen, so I am making due the best I can.  

I put away all of the projects I had started.  Each one in its own box so I can pick up where I left off whenever I am ready.  I found a new wave of inspiration yesterday and I am looking forward to riding this one for a while.  I was telling you all yesterday about the concept of "writing from what you know" and I got to thinking about some other things that I know that I hadn't been taking into consideration previously.

Although I have always been severely lacking in confidence I have actually been creating my own art for decades I just couldn't acknowledge it as being "art".  They were "doodles", "time wasters", not "art".  "Art" is what other people do, not me.  And by thinking that way, I made it true.  Now, I am trying to learn a new way of thinking, and let me tell you it is not so easy.

I have been fighting this exact same battle with myself for most of my life.  And every time I think I have risen above it and moved on, it shows up again to knock me back "down to earth".  And that right there is my problem.  I am not supposed to be having my feet planted firmly on the ground as was drilled into my head my entire life, I am supposed to fucking fly!  But no one ever let me fly before, much less showed me how.  Everyone around me has always tried to keep me firmly tied to the ground for my "own safety".  Giving myself permission to fly is turning out to be pretty fucking difficult.

The funny thing is I have thought I have done just that a thousand times in my life, but I have never actually even tried to leave the safety of the ground.  This Blog and the Facebook pages were my first real concrete steps towards releasing myself, but they are just a tiny baby step in a journey that I know is going to take paradigm shift in my thinking.  I am trying.  But this shit ain't as easy as it should be.  We are talking about 4 and a half decades of flawed programming that are needing to be over come here, it ain't gonna happen over night.  Just identifying the dysfunctional thought processes as being dysfunctional is a pretty big accomplishment when you consider how many of those there are in here.  


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