So anyway, back to me not doing shit. What I have been doing is a lot of soul searching and just plain thinking. I have a couple of Facebook friends that I have been bouncing ideas and thoughts off of, trying to figure out just what the fuck I am going to do with the rest of my life. I know what I want to do. I have a mental list of projects and plans that I want to do. The problem is I have this husband who I am pretty sure is not going to like most of those plans. No, I haven't actually talked to him about any of them. They are still too vague for me to try to explain them to him and he will just piss me off in his attempts to understand. Now don't get me wrong, my husband is generally a pretty darn supportive guy, but he has a laundry list of personality quirks that I have a tendency to exacerbate. I just don't know how to talk to him correctly. He is Mr. Logical, and we all know that I am Mrs. Emotional, this makes for some challenging communications issues.
So, just how do I ask a man who is so completely and totally private a person that his own family doesn't know where he lives, to let his wife have a life that is going to lead her directly into the public eye? I don't need him to come with me, although that would be extremely helpful, I just need him to not stop me. And I just know he is going to give me all the damn logical reasons why I should be prepared to fail. I don't fucking need to hear that right now. I am always prepared to fail, that is what I do best. What I need is someone to help me cope with the possibility of success. That shit is terrifying! And the last thing I need right now is someone telling me how I am being "unrealistic" in even thinking I could do this.
I don't care if I am being "unrealistic", the only way anybody ever does anything in this world is by being "unrealistic", why the fuck can't I be "unrealistic" too? I bet there were more than a few people who told Obama he was being "unrealistic" when he ran for President. I sure as hell thought he was! I didn't believe for an instant that he stood a chance in hell of winning when he first announced he was running. I mean really now, a black guy? Seriously? I thought they were stretching the envelope with Hilary running, as a woman, but a black guy? Seriously? In this country? I never would have dreamed they could get enough intelligent people out to the voting booths to counteract the ignorant ones that seem to always be the only ones voting most of the time. But he fucking won anyway! I was so damn proud of my country that day. I understood exactly what his wife said, about being proud of her country for the first time in a long time, and I agreed 100%. But that is neither here nor there, my point was, the man was completely "unrealistic" in his attempt to run for the office, but he didn't let that stop him. And I don't want to let it stop me. So now what do I do?
I know, I know. I have to talk to my husband. I don't want to. But I know I should. Maybe I will just wait until after I become rich and famous, that would be easier. Fuck it, I think I will go with that idea ...