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Sunday, September 9, 2012

My New Idea For a Series of "How To" Books

Nope.  Still don't want to work.  I thought about it, and decided I would rather just keep writing.  I suppose its kind of funny, I am sitting here talking about quilting as "work" and writing as not "work".  But, today that is what they are for me.  So I am going to keep right on, not working, until I change my mind.  It is Sunday after all.

I have been thinking for a while now about writing some "How To" type e-books about some of my favorite hobbies.  Yesterday I came up with the perfect name.  Since I want to write a whole series of them I will call the series: "Learn How to Fucking Do Shit with Mother"!  (What do you think?  I absolutely LOVE the name, my husband, on the other hand, is not so enthused.)  Then I could write the different books like - "How to Fucking Dye Shit with Mother" and of course, "How to Fucking Quilt Shit with Mother".  Of course I would probably have to self-publish them, hence the need to make them e-books, but I think it sounds like a lot of fun!  I know I am crazy, but I would buy them!

I hate all the "learn to quilt" type books that get all anal about making sure every little thing is perfect.  I am not perfect.  Life is not perfect.  I don't think I have ever met any one who was perfect.  So, in short, fuck perfect.  What if someone just wants to learn how to sew some fucking pieces of fabric together and make a useful, serviceable quilt from them?  There is no "how to" book for that, and there damn well should be!  So I want to write it.  No one should be afraid to try a new hobby.  And they certainly should not be intimidated by what are essentially very simple skills.  The quilting snobs can have their "perfect" books, I want to write one for the rest of us.

When I started quilting, just as with every other hobby I have ever learned, I didn't take a class.  I read books, and I read shit online.  And then I read more shit.  And then I just started making quilts.  I later found I had skipped over a lot of rather useful information in my reading because the writers had spent too much time trying to convince me I could never really make a perfect quilt.  That was not helpful.  There are simple basic steps to making a quilt, just like every other hobby I have, and not a one of them is all that fucking difficult (unless you choose to make it that way).

I have learned over the years that I am pretty good at breaking even the most complex concepts into their most basic components in order to explain them to other people.  Ten very long years with my ex-husband, and several years of tutoring students of all ages have helped me hone that skill and I might as well put it to use.  My High School Creative Writing teacher Mrs. Franke always told me that you need to "write from what you know".  That didn't help much in High School, I didn't fucking know anything then!  But maybe the time has come to put her words into play in my life and start writing about the things I know about.  I guess I have been trying to do that with this blog, but it isn't making me any money right now, and I need some fucking money!

Not that I think I would make very much money off the e-books either, but at least I could tell myself I was trying.  My sales have just sucked beyond all scope of reason this year, and I keep trying to come up with something new to sell, but no one has any money to buy anything anyway so I am just spinning my wheels no matter what I do.  Which leads me back to - why the fuck not just do it and see what happens?  I mean, really now, what is the worst that could happen?  Well, I could spend months taking pictures and writing text to put an e-book together, and then never sell a single copy.  And that would mean the net result would be pretty much exactly the same as all the time I have put into Facebook and this blog over the last year.  Gee, that kind puts it all into perspective huh?  Fuck it, what the hell, there must be someone out there who wants to "Learn to Fucking Do Shit with Mother" - Right?


  1. Perhaps, in the few months it takes to get the photos & instructions together, people will have some extra folding money. I love the titles. Then again, I thought it hilarious that I said 'fucking moron' around my friends' parrot so much during the space of one summer, that Honey kept repeating the phrase in front of Cs' mom. C. was not as amused.

  2. As someone who has studied branding for some time, I would make one suggestion to your book titles (which I love, btw): remove the fucking. It comes across as more hostile and may dissuade people from making a purchase that they would otherwise be all over. "Doing Shit with Mother" is a bit more laid back, which is important for books on "hobby" crafts.

    I, myself, love the snarkyness of the titles. I have two series that I will work on (someday... :D): The Lazy Parent (practical guidebooks for free-range, relaxed parenting) and The Easy Pagan (as in, The Easy Pagan's Guide to Astrology).

  3. I was just being snarky with the titles. I KNOW that it would limit the audience (probably a lot more than even I think it would), that was kinda the point.