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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

It Is Just So Sad ...

 Hello again Internet People!  I am going to switch gears a little bit and change the subject on you all today.  For weeks now I have been rambling on about this project or that idea that I have been working on.  Today, there will be none of that.  I'll come back tomorrow with another update and (hopefully) pictures! But for today, ... today we need to get real for a few minutes.

I don't know how many of you saw the news, or even had a clue who she was, but there was a Country & Western singer who committed suicide this weekend, and I need to talk about it.  Her name was Mindy McCready.  She wasn't one of the biggest names, but she really did have an impact in my life, and I am very, very sad.  When I started my life over again a dozen years ago or so, Mindy was there.  Her music (along with that of a lot of other people) helped me through to the other side and I will be forever grateful for it.

Her death is sad.  The fact that she left two young children behind, one without any parent, is also very sad.  But what makes me sad is the fact that she didn't have anyone who could have talked her down.  After all the joy and inspiration she had given me (and I am sure a lot of other people), that she had no one to return it to her makes me very, very sad.

I understand the attraction of suicide.  I spent the better part of my life wishing for the sweet release of permanent slumber.  I can tell you today that I am ever so grateful that I did not give in to those desires, but at the time, nothing else offered as much promise for the future as eliminating the future did.  And today I am grateful for all of those years I spent tormented by the living hell that I had created.  I know, that sounds crazy, but it is true.  If I had not had all of those terrible experiences I would not be the person I am today, and if I had given in to the lure of an easy out, I would not be here to enjoy the wonderful life I am now living.

Life is hard.  People are fucked.  Shit happens.  But for all the bad in the world, and there is a fuck-load of it, there is so much good out there too.  It may be harder to recognize, but it is there if you search for it.  And the tiniest good thing can out weigh the most monstrous bad, if you let it.  

I learned the hard way that your life is determined by your attitude.  If you only look for the negative, only give credence to that which is "bad', then you will have a life filled with it.  But when you focus on that which is positive, living in gratitude for the "good" that surrounds you, no matter how small, well, life gets a whole lot better.  I know it worked for me.

There is help out there of you need it.  No one needs to suffer alone.  But no one else can fix it for you either.  You have to make the choice for yourself, and you have to do the work for yourself.  It really doesn't have to be difficult, we tend to make it that way, but it doesn't have to be.  

I just want to close out today by reminding all of you that you are NOT alone.  There are almost 8 billion people on this planet, and at least one of them cares for you.  I know this for a fact because I am one of those people and I do care, about everyone.  You are never alone on this world unless you choose to be, so please reach out to someone if you need help, there is a whole world of people just waiting to help you.                              


  1. I too am shaken by her death. She had plenty of reasons to live (we all do)and those two little babies are reason enough, but she also had a fabulous talent that could have helped so many more people in dire times.

    Your words are beautiful - keep doing what you do.

  2. It's really sad to read about Ms. McCready's suicide :( thanks for sharing this, MOTHER ... I sure hope that other people will realize the "GOOD" in this fucked up world ... I can relate to your story in some ways :)

  3. I stand with you on this. If it weren't for all the crap then I wouldn't be who I am today either. How sad.

  4. and for all your honesty... thank you.. I have been to the very edge myself... your story ring a familar bell...

  5. Never give up. Think about how your family would feel, if you did.