An Open letter to the Pasta Bigot
I won't name your name, or that of your company, because I will not contribute to publicizing your brand. You know who you are, and so does everyone else that has been paying attention the past few days.
Not that it should matter, but I am a happily married straight woman who used to purchase your products. I will never purchase anything your company produces ever again. I do not care who you choose to use in your advertising. I have never even noticed one of your ads before you brought it up. I don't like advertising, so I do my best to ignore all of it anyway. I do care that you are a small-minded bigot with no common sense.
Families are not defined by the genders of their members! Families are a group of people who love one another and take care of one another. I am extremely glad I am not part of your family, I would disown you if I was.
Why in the world do you moronic business leaders think that shoving your antiquated and repugnant beliefs down every one else's throats is a good business strategy? Yes, I understand that 1 in 4 Americans is a dumbass who believes the same nonsense, but you have just purposely excluded 75% of your market! That is NOT good business sense! That is stupid! If you are out to appeal to the masses, you might pick the bigger one!
Your pasta has joined the ever growing list of products I will never purchase again. There is nothing you can do to change that fact. You have made your position clear, and now, so have I.
Sincerly,
A Mother who is Definitely NOT Pleased
Hi there. Me again. I have been sitting here, enjoying my day, watching YouTube videos. I have to tell you all that I have never been much of a YouTube person. Up until a few weeks ago I rarely watched videos on the computer, well, except quilting videos, I went through a real phase of that for a while. So all of YouTube is pretty much virgin territory for me. Not that that has anything to do with what I want to talk about, but I had to throw it in there for some reason.
Anyway, I was watching a video, and the guy in it was talking about people using the word "Gay" as an insult, and how completely stupid and moronic those people are. If you know me, you know I totally agree with him. But, I got to thinking. When I was growing up, which wasn't THAT long ago, gay still meant "happy". Can I have that definition back? Seriously, I do NOT want to offend anybody here, well, other than the ones I usually offend, but I am really tired of stupid people taking words away from me because they can't use them right. Its not fair.
When I hear the words, "that's so gay", I still think of it as a compliment, not an insult. I know that is not how it is usually meant, and that is not how some other people see it, but I don't think being gay is bad. Not even a little tiny bit. I think it is happy, and happy is good. I am tired of mean spirited, stupid people corrupting my language like that, and I just don't think we should have to put up with it.
I understand that some words are probably beyond recovery, and I do try real hard to be sensitive to people's feelings, but I am sick and tired of people twisting good words into negative things. Words like "pro-life", "conservative", and "Christian", have all been twisted into meaning terrible evil things in our modern society, that's just not right. I am pro-life, all life. If you are only pro-unborn-life, you are not pro-life, you are anti-choice, quit lying to yourself and everybody else, I ain't buying it. If you are not in support of green energy solutions, immediately, and conserving our natural resources for the good of all life on this planet, you are not a conservative, you are just a greedy bigot, it is time we call it like it is. And if you are not in support of caring for those less fortunate than you, loving (and treating) everyone equally regardless of their differences, and protecting the planet that you claim your God made for you, you are NOT a Christian, you are a hypocrite, and I hope you believe your God is watching! Cause he ain't gonna be happy, and his kid is gonna really be pissed! If you think he died on that cross just so you could get away with being a hypocritical asshole, that is truly a sad articulation of your faith. And any true Christian ought to be really freaking offended by you claiming the same beliefs as them, just as I am offended by you claiming to be the same species as I am, because, clearly, you are not.
So I hope every one will understand that I will no longer be allowing the fact that other people slaughter our language to stop me from using it correctly. Its my damn Birthday, and Mother is going to Have a Gay Day!
Hello again Lovely Internet People! Today Mother is celebrating her 46th birthday and it has come to my attention that I am one extremely lucky little ducky. In all my efforts to improve my life lately I had kinda lost sight of that fact. I mean shit, I may not ever leave the house, but I have everything I want right here, why should I leave? I may not have any money, but what would I spend it on anyway? More crap I don't need? I have lots of that already, more than I can use in two lifetimes, I don't think I really need any more.
My husband might be an asshole at times, but who isn't? Goodness knows I can be a raging bitch when the urge hits, that doesn't change the fact that I am a magnificent person. Maybe he doesn't spend as much effort putting me up on a pedestal as he used to, but he built me the stairs to put myself up there. He may not be perfect, but he loves me and he knows he is the luckiest guy in the world to have me in his life. What more could a person ask for?
The majority of my children adore me. My youngest son tells me every single day that I am the "greatest Mom ever", and the "prettiest Mom ever". How could anyone argue with that? I even have these silly little Facebook pages that get hundreds of people telling me how much they adore me every week. Sure there are always 5 or 6 people every week that have to tell me how much they don't adore me, but I still haven't figured out why anyone should care what they think, so its all good.
My life fucking rocks! I get to spend pretty much every day doing whatever the hell I want. I might bitch and moan about other people limiting my life, but that is all mostly bullshit. I have never let anybody stop me from doing what I wanted to do. The only one who has ever really stopped me from doing anything, was me. Sure there are a lot of things I might have thought about doing, but didn't do because of what I thought someone else would think about it, but it was always me making the choice, not them. And I am the one that has to live with the choices I have made. And if I am to be truly honest with myself, and with all of you, all of the choices I made, good, bad, or indifferent, all added up to the person I am today, and that person, fucking rocks! I may not have a life that any one else might want, but it is the one I want and I am going to start fucking enjoying it!
There is always going to be plenty to complain about, if we look for things to complain about. Don't even have to look hard. But, if we look for things to be happy about, we can find those just as easily. I think I am going to go back to doing that again. I will keep bitching, for your entertainment, but I just wanted you all to know that I do know, I really have so very much to be grateful for. And so do you. After all, you found me! How much luckier could you be?
Until Next Time ...
Hello, hello, hello! And how are my favorite Internet People today? Mother is doing well, thank you for asking. Now that we have the formalities out of the way, what shall we talk about today? No, seriously, I have no clue.
I tried looking through my Newsfeed on Facebook for an idea, but as usual, that just pissed me off. The sheer stupidity of people is just overwhelming these days. I actually read a comment where some guy said, and I quote "Conservatives are the problem solvers." Seriously? Are you really that fucking stupid? What the fuck "problem" has any Conservative ever solved? Name me one. They create problems, they do not solve them! And before you go freakin out on me, I ain't really that fond of many of the "Liberals" either. I may occasionally refer to myself as being of a Liberal mindset, but I don't like fanaticism on any level.
This same guy was claiming that food stamps and aid to the poor are what CAUSE poverty. No, sorry dumbass, starvation wages cause poverty. Greedy bastards hoarding all the money cause poverty. Helping people does NOT make them poor! I am so fucking sick of that bullshit.
You want to end food stamps and assistance to the poor? I could cut it by 90% or more in less than 20 years, without hurting anyone. You start out by raising the minimum wage. And not to $11 an hour, that is just stupid. It should have been $11 an hour 20 years ago, now it needs to be closer to $20 an hour. And everyone gets full-time hours, period, there is no more of this bullshit of holding people hostage to underpaid jobs with uncertain hours. And along with the minimum wage, we need a freakin Maximum wage! No more paying yourself millions while screwing over the people doing the actual work.
Next, we provide FREE quality education for EVERYONE! You shouldn't have to go into debt up to your eyeballs just to get a freakin education! That is insane! And we can get rid of Obama-care, because we need to replace it with FREE Universal health care, for everyone. Oh, and put the fucking taxes on those rich bastards back to where they belong, like 75-90% tax rates on the uber rich. They are NOT trickling anything down, we need to fucking take the shit back.
If we would do just those simple things, we could virtually eliminate poverty in less than a generation. Don't tell me it can't be done because no body has actually ever really tried it. Some countries might claim parts of my plan as their own, but no one has ever given the little people power over their own lives before. The greedy rich bastards don't want anyone else to have any power, and for some damn reason we keep capitulating to them. That shit needs to stop. NOW!
I have told you all before I have spent the better part of my adult life receiving some sort of assistance from the government. Never wanted any of it, but I was given no choice. Universal health care would have eliminated my need for at least 70% of the assistance I have received, and a free quality education and the possibility of a living wage job would have eliminated the rest of it. Yes, it would be awesome if we could quit giving people handouts, but if we aren't willing to give them a hand up, then we don't really have a lot of other choices. People have to survive, and they will do whatever it takes to do so. Cut the assistance to someone who has no other alternatives and you will pay for it mightily. When you give them no choice but to steal, that's what they are going to do. And now you are going to have 50% of the country in prison? Who the hell do you folks think is paying for that? It costs a minimum of 4 times as much to support someone in prison as it did to support their whole damn family on assistance! Talk about being penny wise and pound foolish, these people are freakin insane!
Dang, its a good thing I never found something to talk about today! Can you imagine how pissed off I would be if I did? Sorry about that, I just don't have any patience for short-sighted non-thinking people any more. I get the non-caring bit, it is getting harder for me to care every damn day, but the non-thinking, that I will never understand. And they talk about poor people being "lazy"! All the lazy thinking in this country is the real problem! Plug in a damn brain cell people, this is getting ridiculous.
Until Next Time ...
Hello again Internet People! Mother is going to deviate from the process of introspection today. Instead of rooting through my head looking for things to improve, today we are looking out side, to other people, and some things they need to improve.
Today's topic of choice is the faux "animal lovers". People who claim to love animals, but then treat them like crap. I fucking cannot stand those people. We have neighbors who do not see any problem with allowing their dogs to run free through the neighborhood any time they want. These people claim to love their dogs, but they refuse to protect them? We have lunatics driving down our residential street at 50 mph every damn day, and you think it is no big deal that your dog is wandering the street? You are a moron and should not be allowed to own any animals. I don't even let my kids play in the street here, I certainly won't let my dog! We have lived here for over 6 years, and have Never had one of our dogs get out of the yard, because we make sure to keep them in the yard. How freakin hard is that people?
And these people who have "outdoor only" pets, what the hell is that? I don't get that. My pets are my family, if I was to keep one of my kids outside all the time, I wouldn't have them very long. Nor should I. The same should go for pets. The asswipe neighbors next door currently have two dogs that have never seen the inside of their house. They are outside, barking, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The yard they are confined to is filled with garbage and toxic rubbish, but yet, somehow, when one of these poor critters gets ill, they immediately assume we have poisoned them! What the fuck is that? Oh, I know what that is, its your confession!
I told you all to remind me to tell you about these people someday, I think I will digress from my original point for a moment and tell you a tale you will not want to believe.
When we first rented this place, six years ago, it was a mess, and we agreed to clean it up ourselves before we moved in. The first day we were here the neighbor's automatic sprinklers came on and they were blasting water straight into our bedroom window and across the entire front entrance to the house! My husband asked the kids that were playing in the yard if they could either turn off the sprinklers or go get their parents. The kids ignored him as if they couldn't hear him. So he asked again, a little louder, and again, a little louder. The kids are still ignoring him like he is not even there. Suddenly a truck comes screaming down the street and screeches to a halt in their driveway. This 6'2" muscle bound neanderthal with a shaved head jumps out of the truck and runs screaming towards the fence.
"Don't you ever fucking talk to my kids again! I am gonna kick your fucking ass!" Is what he started out screaming. I don't remember all of it, but it was explicit and threatening and it went on and on for several minutes. My husband tried to calm him down telling him he was just asking them to get a parent to turn off the sprinklers that are still blasting water right into our house. So the guy tells us we should be grateful for the free water, and repeats his threats about talking to his kids and kicking my husband's ass. The moment he arrived I had gathered up the boys and herded them to the other side of the yard to try to shield them from the insanity that was playing out. My husband eventually managed to calm the moron down and found a board to put in front of the fence to block the water from coming onto our side. We thought the whole incident was over. Boy were we wrong.
For six years these people have done everything in their power to make life a living hell for us, and everyone else in the neighborhood. There was the time he parked his car on the front lawn with the doors open and the stereo playing one song, on repeat, at full volume, for 7 straight hours! It was shaking the windows on the other side of our house! And when we had the audacity to call the cops, the wife of the moron decided that yelling obscenities at my husband and our then 8 year old son in front of the police officers was absolutely necessary to her defense. And then they got really mad at us when the police officer who she had yelled all this stuff in front of, happened to catch them driving down the street an hour later and took them both to jail for drunk driving and resisting arrest.
They were so mad at us for all of this, they tried to get a restraining order against us! Yep, let that sink in for a minute. They have initiated every confrontation that has ever occurred, we have never done anything but ask them repeatedly to just leave us alone, but they try to get a restraining order against us! Of course it was thrown out and the judge told them again, to leave us the fuck alone. But they didn't.
The first thing we did when we moved in here was put up a solid wooden fence between our yard and theirs. There is a chain link fence already separating the yards, we put the wood fence on our side of that, sitting on a concrete curb that runs the length of the property. We did this after I watched the little girls from next door calling my blind dog over to the fence so they could hit him with a stick. Once they couldn't poke things through the fence they started throwing them over. I cannot tell you the number of rocks and sticks and pellets (from a pellet gun) and cereal bowls and golf balls and other assorted objects that have mysteriously appeared in our yard along that fence line over the last six years. Nothing ever magically appears along any other part of the property, just the side adjacent to them.
Of course, since we put up a wooden privacy fence that blocks the view between the properties they decided that it must be because we want to pay attention to them all the time. At one point we actually had the police show up at our house telling us we were going to have to remove the "listening device" that was mounted to the side of our house. We were a little confused. What "listening device"? We don't have any "listening device", what they heck are you talking about?
It turns out the neighbors had made several complaints that we were "listening to and recording their conversations with a device mounted next to our kitchen window." We invited the officer in and showed him the "device" in question. It was a THERMOMETER! And it had been on the house for years before we even moved in!
I am not sure what these people are doing over there that they think we would be so interested in them (Meth, maybe?), but we have been doing our level best to forget they are there for years, why the hell would I want to listen to them? The whole issue is I DON'T want to hear you, or see you, or have anything to do with you! Why can they not get this through their little thick skulls? Again, I have to say its got to be Meth, nothing else makes people that damn paranoid!
During the weeks leading up to their ridiculous request for a restraining order one of our dogs died suddenly (not the blind one, the other one we had at the same time). She was over 12 years old, and a large dog, so we weren't certain exactly what happened. My husband suspected that the neighbors had poisoned her, but we had no way to prove it, and I just could not believe any body would do something like that. A few months later the blind dog suddenly started have terrible spasms of pain and losing control of his motor functions. His suffering was so intense we had to take him to the vet and have him put to sleep. The vet asked if there was any possibility he had gotten into some rat poison, but we knew that was not possible. Now, I am not so sure. Once they called the police to accuse us of poisoning their dogs, I knew for certain that they were actually confessing to killing ours, and laughing about it. I still can't prove it, but I have zero doubt. By the way, our new dog, Jack, is not allowed near that fence line, we re-fenced the whole back yard solely for the purpose of protecting him from them. Now I am really, really glad we did. What kind of sick people could poison a defenseless animal just because they don't like its owner? That is beyond fucked up! All I can think of is how I wish I could protect their poor animals, from them, I would never dream of hurting one of them! That is just sick!
Speaking of sick. Another of their wonderful little games was to set a bar-b-que right next to our fence and proceed to "cook" the foulest, most wretchedly disgusting smelling substance known to mankind from around 10 am everyday until midnight. We could not even go outside, or open the windows on our house for days! The entire neighborhood smelled like someone was deliberately burning a fucking sess pool of human filth. Then they took it a step further and put a fan next to the bar-b-que to intentionally blow the smell towards us! When the police finally arrived they said they were "cooking burritoes" for their kids. Yeah, I want to see you eat that shit. The police told them to knock it off. They didn't.
We did finally find a way to put an end to most of their nonsense. The last time they had the bar-b-que on, my husband went out there with his video camera, and recorded the entire scene. When the moron came screaming at him asking "what the fuck do you think you are doing looking over my fence?!" he simply said he was "documenting evidence for the lawsuit". That shut them up for two years. And all he had to do was remind them of that this time, and we haven't heard a word since.
By the way, when we were in court over the restraining order, this woman makes a deliberate point of telling the judge that she "loves animals" and regularly makes donations to PETA. It had absolutely no relevance to the case, or what was being discussed at the time, but she had to make sure that got thrown in there. Yeah right, lady. Sick and fucking twisted is what you are, NOT a fucking animal lover. They have had more than a dozen different dogs since we have lived here, none of them lasting longer than 6 months before they disappeared. That sounds like an true animal lover, doesn't it? NOT.
And that was what I started out talking about after all. The sick fuckers who claim to be animal lovers and then do shit like these people. It is way beyond time we have a national freakin register for animal abusers! If you cannot take care of an animal you should not freakin own one! And if you ever hurt any animal you should NEVER be allowed to own one, ever again! And that especially applies to that stupid disgusting quarterback that should never have been allowed to play in the NFL or anywhere else as far as I am concerned. He should still be rotting in jail where he belongs! And he has the nerve to complain that he isn't allowed to have dogs for his kids? Dude you shouldn't even be allowed to have kids! Sick mutherfucker.
Sorry, but that one really chaps my ass. And if you don't know what I am talking about, consider yourself a very fortunate human being. I wish I didn't know about it. It still pisses me off to no end, in case you hadn't noticed.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. I am just so tired of people refusing to take care of the animals they claim to care about. I get that they are too selfish to care about how badly they have "inconvenienced" the neighbors by allowing their animals to run free and kill other people's pets (and yes, we have one of those too). I get that they don't care that their animal might hurt someone else. I do not get how they can claim to care about that dog and not even try to keep it safe! Selfishness is one thing, they are just fucking stupid. Too damn stupid to be owning a dog! Now, before anybody gets bent out of shape, I am not talking about a case of a once in a while, accidental thing where the dog escapes and you do everything in your power to get it back as quickly as possible. I am talking about people who continuously allow their animals to run loose without making any effort to control them, unless it is really convenient. The cat killing dog has a three foot fence around its yard, there is an area in the yard with an 8 foot fence, but she is not confined to that area. She is just allowed to jump the fence and leave whenever she wants, and no effort has been made to stop her. At least 4 cats have died because one jerk refuses to control his dog. This pisses me off! Especially when he says that other people shouldn't let their cats go outside if they don't want them killed! Every one of the cats was murdered in its OWN yard! By his dog who was NOT in his OWN yard. But somehow it is the cat owner's fault? Fuck you jackass. Those are the people I am venting about. Is that clear enough? Everybody okay now?
I love animals, all animals, even the tasty ones. I am not ever going to contribute to an organization like PETA, because I think those people take things way too freakin far. But I do believe that it is out duty as human beings to treat animals with love and care whether they are our friends or our food. I am just tired of a world where people think it is okay to be cruel because they can get away with it. How about we try being kind, because we are capable of kindness? Human beings are designed to give and receive love, could we just try doing that for a while? Life would be a lot more fun for everybody if people could just try to truly Love!
Until Next Time ...
Hello again Lovely Internet People! Mother is rapidly losing what is left of her mind this morning. I swear I would be willing to kill someone for a few minutes of fucking quiet! The asswipe neighbors (remind me to tell you that story one of these days) have two dogs that they refuse to care for that have been barking for two straight days. Its also the weekend, so two TVs are on, one playing football, the other video games, and both are way too loud and just fucking irritating as all hell right now. All I want is just a few minutes of fucking silence!
I am totally lying about that, I want a lot more than a few minutes, but that would be a start anyway. Life is just too damn noisy! Strike that, people are too damn noisy. The sounds of nature don't bother me usually. Well, except for the one mentally challenged wood pecker that pounds on the aluminum siding of the house like a jackhammer right above my head at 5 o'clock in the morning, he's kind of a pain. But, beyond him, and the poor neglected canines of the neighborhood, most nature sounds are fine. Its the people sounds that are driving me bonkers!
I have tried ear plugs, head phones, white noise, nothing is working! The people sounds still seep through and grate on my nerves like the proverbial finger nails on a chalkboard. I wasn't always like this. Sounds didn't used to bother me at all, I have been a heavy metal fan for decades, noise was never a problem before. There was actually a time when I had silence all around me, and all I could think to do was turn on the radio to make some noise. But that was a long freakin time ago. A life time ago. Now, I drive my husband crazy by muting the sound on his TV every time he leaves the room. He can't hear it if he isn't there, why should I have to listen to it?
What I really want are a pair of the headphones that they use on TV shows so the contestant can't hear anything that's going on. Where do I get a pair of those? If the folks on "Hell's Kitchen" can put on a pair of those and not hear Gordon Ramsey standing right next to them, I need a pair of those! Now!
I think part of the reason that the noises bother me so much is probably because I am not "allowed" to make my own noise. Almost every conversation with my husband includes him telling me to "tone it down", and he is not alone, most people tell me I am "too loud" or "too excitable" at some point. I am not allowed to listen to music anymore. If I put it on the stereo, its too loud, or somebody wants to watch TV. If I try to put in earphones to listen, then I am "ignoring" everybody and "neglecting" them. If I try to watch a show on TV, someone decides that is the perfect time to tell me all about something that happened 30 years ago that I have heard about 37 times before. NO, it cannot wait 5 minutes for the next 10 minute commercial break, it must be retold NOW. And, as any Mother out there knows all too well, talking on the telephone is an open invitation to every member of your family to bring you their most trivial and inane botherations in rapid succession.
Maybe the reason the noises bother me so much now is because I have no escape from them. I used to be able to just go for a walk, or go "shopping" for a few hours by myself. I would put my headphone on and spend hours alone in my own little world just wandering around town. I am not allowed to do that anymore either. I haven't left the house without the three members of my entourage in over two years! My husband refuses to allow me to leave the house by myself unless I have a complete printed itinerary of every place I might possibly go, and how long I will be at each place, and a list of every reason I could possibly have to go there in the first place. And then I have to have a valid, documented and notarized reason why they can't all just go along too. Apparently, "I just want to be alone and wander around aimlessly for a little while" is not considered to be a valid reason. I wonder if "Get the fuck out of my way before I kill someone" would be better received?
Actually, I know it would be, because that was exactly how I got out of the house alone that one time two years ago. I just hate being forced to get to that point. I am so sick and tired of allowing my life to be limited by other people's irrational fears. Talk about insanity! I didn't lose my mind, I just allowed other people to run it. That is crazy!
So I guess the question I am left with is, am I gonna stay crazy, or am I going to start taking control of my own mind, and my own life? Am I going to start making some more noise of my own, or I am going to continue allowing my voice to be stifled by the fears and ignorance of others? Am I really just supposed to be another cog in the machine, or is there a whole lot more to life that I am denying myself, and the rest of the world? And, perhaps most importantly, am I ever going to be able to "get my head out of my ass and grow a freakin backbone"? Goodness knows I could sure use one of those these days.
Until Next Time ...
Hello again all you lovely Internet People! Your favorite crazy Mother was foolish enough to sit down here and think she was going to get to write something for all of you. The moment I got the computer all set up and ready to be typed upon, the boys came in and turned on their cursed video games. So, now every time I try to concentrate on anything this insidious little tune seeps into my brain and forces all coherent thought out the other side. I could go somewhere else to type, but where would the fun be in that? What would I have to bitch about? I am sure I would come up with something, like the fact that there is no where else in this house that I can be comfortable while I type, but bitching about the kids is more fun. Because I could change them if I so choose, its far more fun to bitch about things you can change than things you can't. That's not fun, that's just frustrating.
Anyway, I didn't set out to be bitchy today, so let's see if I can find something else to talk about. Um, well, let's see, ... nope, can't think of a damn thing. Just kidding.
I think I mentioned before that I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out just what the heck I am going to do with the rest of my life. I have never had the luxury of an option before, and now suddenly it feels as if I do and I would really like to make the most of it. So I have been examining my self, my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my fears, and even my insecurities to try to determine what direction I want to go with what is left of my time here on this planet.
I know I keep coming in here with all these grandiose ideas of what I could do, from Art Quilting, to creating a whole new planet, to ... whatever the fuck else I have mentioned over the course of the last two years. This is the problem with being such a multi-talented person, I never know which talent I am supposed to pursue. I know one of them is important, maybe all of them are, but trying to strip away all the external bullshit to determine what it is I need to do is proving rather difficult. I have come to realize that there are so many things that I do, which I claim great enjoyment in, that I really don't like very much, but I receive approval from other people for doing them, so I convinced myself I liked doing them, just so I could get a tiny bit of approval from someone else.
Like quilting. I really don't enjoy 90% of the process, its boring, and repetitive, and just plain dull. But I have spent thousands of dollars, and thousands of hours, learning everything I could about it, because my parents and my husband showed their approval, and even supported my obsessive attention to it. I do love fabric, and playing with it in different ways, but I really don't like making quilts very much.
So, I am trying to figure out what the hell I really do like doing. And what is really important to me. And how to put those things together to build a future for myself that can improve my life, and maybe even a few other people's lives as well. I know, sounds like it should be pretty simple. Sounds to me like something I should have done 30 years ago, but I didn't know I had that option then. Now I do, and since I don't have quite as much time in front of me as I did at 16, it is that much more important that I straighten this shit out now once and for all. Or, at least for now. Life is about change after all, nothing is really permanent.
It is amazing how difficult it is to try to sort out what it is that I really enjoy doing from what I have learned is acceptable for me to enjoy doing. Maybe I am intellectualizing the whole thing a lot more than I should be, but there are a lot of factors at work in my psyche and I would kinda like to understand where they all went wrong. And more importantly, to understand what I can do for myself to make it better, to make me better. Hey just because I am Awesome doesn't mean I can't be even better.
I want to live the rest of my life in an attempt to gain my own approval. Not other people's approval, mine. I want to move forward in my life being true to who I truly am, but who the hell is that? Every time I sit down and try to define who I am, there is this little voice in my head that keeps repeating its mantra, "some one isn't going to like that". Fortunately it has no answer for why I should give a crap whether or not someone else likes it, so it is getting quieter, but its still there.
I don't know, maybe it is all just a mid-life crisis phase. I will be celebrating my 46th birthday next week, and while I am not one to worry about getting older, I am wondering if there isn't a whole lot more I could be doing with what is left of my life. I know I am not living up to my full potential, not even close. I have always known that, but it never bothered me nearly as much as it does now. I have always felt like I was being robbed of what I truly deserved from life, but now I feel like a lot of other people are being robbed too. I am different for a reason, and that reason is to help other people accept their own differences. If I am hiding my differences, I am not being very helpful am I? The rest of the world deserves a chance to get to know me, because for every person who will decide they don't like me, I know there will be five who do like me, maybe more. I am fucking Awesome after all.
I think it is all starting to finally come together in my head. I don't want to talk about it yet, and that is what leads me to believe I am really heading in the right direction this time. Instead of just shooting it out there to see if I can get any approval for it, I am just going to keep playing it out in my own head for a while longer and see how long it holds my approval. I am really liking it so far, and I am trying really hard not to think about how my husband is going to react, because I am fairly certain he will hate it. I can't worry about that right now. It is not relevant. I am not going to allow his lack of approval to stop me, not this time. Not ever again.
That's the plan anyway. Only time will tell how it will actually play out, but I am determined to start living pretty damn soon. 46 years of existing just isn't enough anymore, I need to live! I need my damn turn at life. No matter how terrifying success might be to me, I can handle it. I am strong enough to win once in a while. I might even be strong enough to win the life I have always dreamed of, if I can just remember what the heck that was.
Until Next Time ...
Hello, hello, hello! I hope everyone is having a good day out there in the internet world! I have been sitting here for the last few days having a grand time listening the two of my favorite comedy geniuses, and personal heroes, Christopher Titus, and the legendary George Carlin. And I just came upon some stuff that George recorded in 1999, as part of the "You Are All Diseased" tour, that blew my mind! I never before realized that George Carlin was a psychic! Seriously! The dude predicted the future, and he did it so freaking accurately it brought goosebumps to my arms!
He starts off early in the piece, bitching about airport security. Remember, this is recorded in 1999! Before 9/11, before Homeland Security, before airport security turned into the state-sponsored, state-mandated, molestation and irradiation of innocent civilians in the name of their "safety". I don't know about anyone else, but I don't feel safer. I refuse to fly because those people terrify me far more than the terrorists! I have no desire to be groped and nuked by complete strangers. None. At all. Thanks anyway.
Then George goes on to say just how easily Americans today (or 14 years ago, same difference) are persuaded to give up their liberties for the illusion of safety! Oh my fucking gawd! How fucking right he was! While everybody is distracted by the latest escapade of Britney Spears, or whatever celebrity is misbehaving this week, our elected representatives slowly and quietly, or sometimes loudly and quickly, have been stripping our Constitutional Rights away, one by one.
But all that isn't actually what really got me. I mean hit me in the gut like a fucking contraction during child birth. These things were slightly prophetic, but, given the state of our world at the time, they were probably kinda expected more than predicted. But he told of this vision of the unimaginable levels of stupidity Americans are willing to drop to, that at the time seemed so far-fetched, there is no way he could have known it would come true! No fucking way! But he called it. Totally and completely, called it.
What really got me was his bit about "Angels". The piece is about a minute and a quarter long, and he starts out talking about how, at that time, 3 out of every 4 Americans believed in Angels. And, being George, he goes off on a rant about how incredibly stupid that is. And then ... the almighty one, in his almighty and all-knowing wisdom, says ... "I say if you are gonna buy the Angel shit you might as well go for the zombie package as well." (emphasis mine) (Type "George Carlin Angels" into the search on YouTube, its there if you don't believe me.)
Oh my fucking gawd! As George sayeth, so shall it be done! Not all of us, fortunately, but currently 14% of Americans actually believe they need to worry about the coming Zombie Apocalypse! Our own government put out a publication to tell people what to do in the event there is a Zombie outbreak in their area! WTF! I mean seriously! What the Fuck is that? I mean I know we have laws on the books that make it illegal for ordinary citizens to attempt to communicate with aliens, but I think they have taken this shit a step too far.
I think the real question here is, did George predict the future? Or, did our Governmental leaders and the Hollywood executives spend way too much time listening to George, and they just stole his ideas? Personally, I would bet on the latter. But then, I don't believe in psychics any more than I believe in Zombies, or angels. I do believe George Carlin was a genius, and he had a pretty good handle on the potential stupidity Americans are capable of, but probably not a psychic. More than likely.
Until Next Time ...
Hello again to my favorite Internet People! Mother had another epiphany this morning that I thought I should share with all of you. I am not sure this one will translate to too many other people, but it might, so here goes.
I was talking with my husband this morning about people, and he brought up the fact that most people, when confronted with bad news, in the paper or on the internet or whatever, their first reaction is generally, "Better them than me." Meaning, if bad things have to happen, at least they are happening to someone else, and that is good for me. Basically. Not that people don't have sympathy for one another, they usually do, at least a little bit, they are just far more grateful that it wasn't them.
Now this is a normal, healthy, human reaction. There is nothing inherently wrong with thinking that way. It is a matter of self-preservation. A little shallow and self-centered perhaps, but perfectly normal. For other people.
I don't think that way. I don't know whether I ever did, but I do know that for the last 30 years I have lived by the mantra: "Better me than some poor fool who couldn't handle it." Um, yeah, great way to invite all the crap the universe has to offer into your life. And, it seems to have worked out really well for me. Not.
I hadn't really thought that much about it before. I adopted my mantra from a dear friend when I was about 16, and it made sense to me at the time. If I could save someone else even the smallest amount of suffering by taking it on for them, I was always up for the challenge. I thought I was being noble I suppose. I wasn't. What I was actually doing was setting the stage for the longest running role of my life, Mother the Martyr.
Isn't that what Mother's are supposed to be? Aren't we supposed to sacrifice ourselves for the good of our children and families? That's what our society tells us, every damn day of our lives. I just took it to the extreme, as I do with most things.
I have spent the better part of my life searching for shit to bring into my life. And yes, I do mean shit, literally. Great big huge stinking piles of fetid excrement. I invited them all into my life and told them to make themselves at home. Hell, there have been times when I have even shoved most of the good things out of my life to make room for more shit! And if I am to be completely honest with you, and with myself, I did it all for the sympathy.
People feel sorry for you when your life is filled to the brim with shit. And, more importantly, you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself if your life is filled with shit. Even if you invited it in.
It occurs to me that there are times when I feel like there are only two emotions available to me, feeling sorry for myself, or feeling angry at a world that forced me to believe I didn't have any other option. Feeling sorry for myself is easier, but far less productive. But getting angry is just pointless. Its not like I can change the rest of the world, or get back the last 45 years. All I can do is move forward. And letting go of the need to take on all of the problems of the world as if they are my own, well, I think that is the first step. How the hell I am going to do that, I still have no clue, but I am working on it.
I have still been having trouble forcing myself to eat. My stomach is tied up in knots so tight that there just isn't any room for food. I have been trying to understand why it keeps doing that and I am beginning to think that my stomach is actually perpetually full, of anger. I have been eating my anger for 40 years, there is no room left for food. Most of the time I am so angry that I can't even see straight, but, I am not allowed to display my anger in anything but the most passive-aggressive ways possible, because I am female. I can't just stand up and say, "this is bullshit, quit fucking with me" because then I am considered a "ball-busting bitch" or a "hysterical lunatic". I am just supposed to sit back and let the world walk all over me, and don't you dare forget to say thank you for that too, you "ungrateful" bitch. Awesome.
You know what I have figured out? That I am tired of all of this shit. I am tired of being the world's shit magnet, it is somebody else's turn. I am tired of sitting quitely in the corner cleaning my finger nails for fear of someone being offended by my anger. I have a right to be angry damnit! I have a right to feel however the hell I want to feel and I am really tired of being told that I don't. I may not be like the rest of the people on this planet, but I am a human being and I deserve to be here just as much as anybody else. I am done lessening myself to fit into others' stereotypes, fix your damn labels or keep them off of me. And if you can't do that, then get ready for the shit storm, because I am not taking it for you anymore.
Until Next Time ...
Hello again Internet People, I know, its soon for another post but I have something I want to address. And I think it is too important to wait. Somebody on Facebook asked the question, "How do you get to the point where you don't care what other people think about you?" in response to my earlier Post today.
Good question! I am gonna let you all in on a little secret, that you have to promise to share with everyone you know. You have to learn to accept, and embrace, your superiority to everyone else in the world. That's what I do anyway. I am smarter, prettier, more loving, more giving, and just plain more wonderful than anyone else on the planet, and if other people can't see this, it is their loss. Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that I think I am better than you, or any body else, I am saying that I know I am. And you should know that YOU are too.
Now, there is a certain responsibility that comes with this knowledge, and I try really hard to always keep that in mind. Being better than everybody else does not mean that you can dictate their lives, force your beliefs upon others, or belittle people for not being as good as you (unless they ask for it), it means the exact opposite. It means trying to bring everyone else up to your level, not putting them down. It means helping people, all people, to be better, for themselves, not for you, or for what you can get from them.
Its like being a parent. You, as the parent, are superior to your child. You know more than they do, have more experience than they do, etc. Your job as a parent is to try to help your children to become even better than you, to have a better life than you, not to keep them in their place, or to ensure their lifelong misery. You want your kids to have access to everything good the world has to offer, all the time, no matter what it might take from you. That's what I have always wanted for my kids, maybe I am doing it wrong, but I don't think so.
Its funny, if I was a man, people would probably say that I am self-confident and strong, but because I am a woman, I am uppity, rude, and bitchy. You know what, I am self-confident (most of the time), and I know that I am the strongest person I have ever met, and I refuse to let the petty jealousy of other people take that away from me anymore.
Maybe that's the ticket. Finally reaching the point where you are just fed up with listening to people, who have no real relevance in your life, tell you how wrong you are for being you, and you realize that you have absolutely no respect for those people, or what they believe, because they are just plain stupid, so why the hell should you care what they think of you.
That's where I am. All my life, of the people who have sought to insult or shame me for being who I chose to be, there was not a single one of them who is deserving of my respect, or any one else's for that matter. If you have to insult or shame people to make yourself feel better, I can only feel sorry for you, I certainly cannot care what you have to say, about anything.
To be clear, its not someone's negative opinion of me that makes them undeserving of respect. Its just that the only people who seem to feel the need to insult people for just being different always seem to be the same ones I couldn't respect anyway. Hypocrites, con-artists, bullies, scammers, and misogynists all seem to dislike me. Why should I care about their opinions on anything?
If you are unable, or unwilling, to accept your superiority, and I know our culture has made that extremely difficult for most people to do, especially women, then I have one more suggestion that you can try. The next time someone voices their opinion of you, ask yourself, "do I need to care what this person thinks of me?" Unless they live in your house and pay your bills, the answer is probably no. Ask yourself what relevance that person really has in your day to day life, and how much of your power over your life are you willing to relinquish to them? Brings a whole new perspective now doesn't it? That's what you are doing you know, by letting other people's opinions matter to you, you are giving them power over your life. Is that person someone you really want having power over your life? Or anyone else's life for that matter? Probably not.
You might also consider reminding yourself that most of the most brilliant people in the world have been mocked and laughed at, until they weren't. And there are some people out there who still mock them to this day, even after the rest of the world has acknowledged their genius.
I figure that if somebody out there can build a "Creationist Museum" and proclaim that dinosaurs lived along side humans, and they don't have to care how much the rest of the world is laughing at them, why should I care if they are laughing at me? You know as well as I do that there are some seriously stupid people out there, if they can walk around with their heads held high, so can you! Just look at our Congress, they have a lower approval rating than herpes, but they don't care. Now if anybody should care about what people think about them you would think it would be our elected representatives, since their jobs are supposed to depend on it, but they don't even bat an eyelash at the lowest approval rating in history. I don't care how badly you may think you have fucked up your life, there is no way you are a worse person than those cretins, it is simply not possible because if you were a bad person you wouldn't be reading my Blog. So there.
Now you have no excuse any more to give a crap what anybody else thinks about you. Go out into the world my friends and spread the wisdom of the Mother. You are freakin awesome! Own it!
Until next Time ...
Hello there Internet People! Boy, I sure stirred the pot yesterday on my Facebook Page! It really wasn't my intention, but sometimes stupid people just don't leave me any choice. All I did was make the mistake of asking people to come here to the Blog once in a while. For shame Mother, how dare you ask anyone to do anything for you! Just because you spend hundreds of hours each month creating and sharing stuff for people to enjoy doesn't mean you can ask them to bother with looking at something else that they might actually enjoy if they didn't have that giant stick up their asses! Seriously woman, what the fuck is wrong with you?!
I just find it hysterical that people get so bent out of shape over being told that my world does not revolve around their opinions! If you think I do this shit to win approval from anyone you are sadly mistaken. I don't need your approval, its not relevant in my life, at all. What I do need is money. If you aren't giving me any, then shut the fuck up.
I didn't start the Facebook Pages, or these Blogs, in an attempt to gain approval or as an ego boost of any kind. I just wanted a place to voice MY opinions, and vent my frustrations, in my own personal, unique, and hopefully slightly humorous way. I never expected any body to "like" the Pages, I have never asked another Page to share mine or promote me in anyway. Some of them did anyway, and somehow 30,000+ people ended up hanging around at my house. That's fine, I am thrilled that I can bring a little bit of humor or joy into the lives of people I will probably never meet. And usually all I ask is that if you don't like something, you don't tell me about it. Even that is too difficult for some people!
Yesterday I was told that I was "ungrateful", "rude", and "In need of therapy", among other things. Just let that all sink in for a minute. Let's take these one at a time. "Rude", sure I am rude, when people are RUDE to me first! If You ask for it, I am happy to serve it to you. Don't get your panties in a twist just because I am better at it than you. As for the whole "in need of therapy" thing, well that's just fucking funny. I have spent the last two years consistently and constantly telling you people that I am crazy, and damn happy with that fact! What the fuck would I need therapy for? I am sorry that some people cannot understand that my crazy is for comedic effect. Yes, I am crazy, because I find it funny. If you don't find it funny, go away. No one is forcing you to look at or read anything I post, and frankly if you don't like me, I do not care. At all. Not even a little tiny bit.
My own parents don't like me and I don't care. Why the hell people would think their opinions are more important to me than my own family I will never know. You are not that special cupcake, get over yourself.
As for the "ungrateful" bit,
well that was the best one of all! What the fuck am I supposed to be
grateful for? For running up Facebook's stock value? I don't get
anything from running those pages, not one red cent. I do get lots of
obnoxious people who come around telling me what I should or should not
post. I suppose I should be grateful for that? I also get lots of
people coming around telling me what a terrible person I am for supporting equality and personal freedom. Maybe that's what I should be grateful for? Sounds like my ex-husband, "yeah, you saved my life, and did everything for everyone for ten years, and I treated you like shit every fucking day for it, but you are being so ungrateful!" Okay fine, I am one Ungrateful bitch then, deal with it!
I will let you all in on a little secret, I LOVE ME, just the way I am. I, personally, think I am the most awesome, wonderful, funny, intelligent, kind-hearted, loving, and beautiful person I have ever met. And no, I am not conceited. Just convinced. It does not matter to me, at all, whether or not you see me that way. I would actually much rather you see yourselves that way. But as someone much more famous than I will ever be once said, "What other people think of me is really none of my business". Or something like that. I Don't want to know, and I absolutely refuse to care.
One person hit the nail on the head yesterday when she said that she loved reading what I post, because I always make her feel better about HER life. That is why I write this Blog. I bitch, I moan, I whine, I complain, all while trying to bring a little levity and humor into the fact that our society is totally fucked up. I probably should let you all in on another little secret though, my life, is fucking awesome! Yes, I am poor, financially, but I am extremely rich in love, in laughter, in joy. When I tell you all how badly I have fucked up my life, I am only really referring to the financial part. The part I never gave a crap about. Well, that and my physical body, I have messed it up pretty bad too, but I am working on that, slowly.
I am not perfect. Never claimed to be even in the neighborhood. I am a mess, but mostly because I choose to be. My interests and priorities are apparently different than a lot of people. I have no desire to fit in. I have no interest in whether or not other people approve of what I think or say, of who I chose to be or how I chose to live my life. Love me or hate me, that's your choice, but if you choose to hate me, I don't need to hear about it. At all. I probably wouldn't like you much either.
Until next time ...
Hello again lovely Internet People! I don't know how many of you watch those reality TV shows where they play practical jokes on people and film their reactions. Ashton Kutcher did one a while back they called "Punk'd", I don't know if its still on or not. My husband likes to watch those kind of shows sometimes, I can't stand them.
I don't like practical jokes to begin with. I am waaaaaay too emotionally high strung for that shit. They are not funny to me, just stupid, mean, and/or pointless. Most of the time. Once in a while somebody comes up with one that is actually funny, but that very rare. Now, it isn't because I am unwilling to laugh at myself, if you have been around here very long you know I laugh at myself all the time! I am a hot freakin mess and I know it, and I have to laugh at myself or I would never be able to stop crying.
I think the reason I don't like practical jokes, or the shows about them, is that it already feels like my entire life has been one big practical joke after another, all of them at my expense. Anybody that has met my ex-husband cannot argue with this assessment. But it goes way beyond him.
"You are so smart, you can be anything you want to be." I heard that line a LOT growing up, usually right before being told that I should learn to type so I could get a job as a secretary. My parents greatest aspiration for me was that I "marry well". Yeah, um, that's just Awesome.
So what did I do? Yep, the exact opposite! To be fair to me, I didn't really do it on purpose. I mean I did, but I didn't. I knew the guy was gonna destroy my life, I just didn't know he was also gonna be a leach on society for the rest of his life. I thought I was marrying a blue collar working man, boy did I get punked on that one!
I have memories of my Mother actually telling me as a child, on several occasions, "you are so smart, its too bad you were born a girl." Or something to that effect. Now, to be fair, I am not really sure she ever actually said that out loud. But I do remember hearing it, more times than I can count. Whether it was spoken or unspoken, it was always how I felt. Or how I felt that they felt. Or both. Mostly both.
So, yeah, I got punked, by being smart. Having the whole world dangled in front of me, but always kept just out of my reach. I can be anything I want to be, as long as I don't want to be anything. Awesome. That's helpful. Not.
Hell, even most of the people I have considered my dearest friends throughout my life have punked the fuck out of me in one way or another. Stabbing me in the back, robbing me blind, treating me like garbage, these are the thanks I get for caring about people. Totally Awesome.
Okay, yeah, I know, all of that is entirely my fault. I am the dumbass who keeps trying to help people when I ought to know better by now. It never seems to end well for me. They make out great, I get screwed. Ah, the beauty of friendship. Haha, punked again!
Every time I think I have every thing going good in my life, somebody, some where, for some reason, decides in their infinite wisdom, that I need to be fucked with. It Never fails. I am just not allowed to have a happy, stress-free life. Yeah, I know, welcome to the club, its called everybody.
That's the worst part. At least 90% of the problems I have in my life are deliberately and intentionally caused by other people! If people would quit fucking with one another, on purpose, that would really help. If you don't like somebody, just ignore them. You really do not need to go out of your way to make their life miserable, they are probably doing just fine at that on their own. I know I damn sure don't need all the help I have been getting lately!
And if you do like somebody, fucking act like it already! You don't steal from the people you care about, especially when they are trying to help you, that's just fucked up. You don't treat somebody like an afterthought, and then wonder why they are upset with you for complaining to them that somebody else is treating you like an afterthought. And you sure as hell don't spend their entire life trying to make them feel inferior, for any reason.
Like I said before, all my fault for not being like everybody else, for putting myself out there when I really should know better by now. I don't know why I cannot get it through my thick skull that other people are never going to give a crap about me. Most people just aren't capable of caring for anybody, except themselves, and they don't even do that very well. Unfortunately, I am not like most people, and I refuse to become like them, so I am relatively sure that life is going to keep right on punking me, every chance it gets.
Until Next Time ...
Hello, hello, hello! And how are my favorite people of the interwebs today? Mother is doing well. I have been keeping busy digging weeds out of the flower beds, and designing my new world. Yes, I think I am getting a little obsessive, on both projects, but work is progressing nicely. Last night I sat down and drew out floor plans for the various styles of housing units that will be available so that I could get a better visual perspective on how everything is going to fit together. That was definitely helpful.
I realized earlier today that this project is what I have been preparing for my whole life. One of my favorite Professors at college once questioned my eclectic academic studies, he had never had a student with such a diverse transcript. He told me, "I have no idea how you are going to put all these things together to make a career, but I know that if anyone can do it, it will be you."
At the time I didn't really know yet either, but now I do. Having a background understanding of all of the social sciences, along with most of the physical sciences, is proving to be an enormous asset in trying to create a new world. Understanding our history and how we got to where we are gives me a starting point on what not to do with my world. Physics, Geology, Biology, Chemistry, Psychology, Sociology, Environmental Science, Botany, and even English, are all proving to be invaluable resources in the design process of a whole new planet. I am sure there are a few more subjects that I am using and not even thinking about. Like math, I use that a lot without thinking about it.
Okay, so now I have the cities and all the housing units basically laid out, and a few of the characters are starting to come to life. I even found a plot line that I think will make it interesting. That was the hardest part I think. Developing a nearly perfect world is one thing, finding an interesting story to tell about that world is quite another. In a world designed to eliminate antagonists, and most of the plot lines our world is famous for, how do you write a compelling story that others might want to read someday?
I know, I am being all vague and shit again, but I have to be at this point. If I give away any of the details someone is bound to come along and steal my idea out from under me. Not that any of you would do that, but this Blog is publicly accessible, which means anybody can come here and take my stuff and there really ain't much I could do about it. Not like I have the money to fight over it. So, I am being vague. If somebody wants to steal my ideas they are going to have to put their own work into developing them. I have no interest in making it easy.
I promise, when this is all put together and ready for release into the world, you all will be the first to know. Then I will be able to give you all of the details that I can only hint at now. But that is going to be a while, so be patient. I am typing as fast as I can!
Until Next Time ...
