Aversions And Attitudes

Hello again Internet People!  It is another beautiful day here at Mother's house, and the wind isn't even blowing too hard today!  I guess I better get outside and do something before I miss out on the entire Spring.  This is my favorite time of the year, but more often than not I procrastinate myself right past most of it.  I usually have a good excuse, like the fact that I was trying to keep from dying during most of this Spring, but I still miss out on so much of what I have planned every year.

This year I had planned on taking lots of pictures of all of the flowers as they came up and started blooming, I got a good start with the Crocuses, but I have missed out on everything since then.  I have been trying to get some of these pictures for three years now, something always happens that keeps me from getting there in time.  Maybe next year I will have better luck.  

Today I am going to get out there and clean out at least part of one of the flower or strawberry beds, and I am going to try not to get too obsessive about the process.  Ha ha ha.  Part of the reason I keep putting this off is because I do get way too obsessive.  90% of the "weed" problem here is a little thing called "salt grass", similar to crab grass, but with roots that go down to 12 feet deep!  There is NO possible way to get rid of all of it without heavy use of toxic chemicals, and I don't like chemicals, so I battle it by hand, and I always lose.  But yet I go back every time and try to chase down every root as far as I can without killing everything else in the bed.  It is a never ending battle of futility.  And therein lies my biggest problem.  I have developed a growing aversion to all things futile.

This might not be a big deal, except for the fact that the vast majority of my daily tasks fall into that futile category.  Laundry, dishes, eating, they all have to be done over and over and over again, they are never "done", and even if they could be done, there would just be more to do again tomorrow.  I know that this is a dysfunction that I am going to have to actually fight against rather than trying to work around, there is too much of my life wrapped up in futility for me to allow this perception to grow.  I need to find a way to make the futile fun and interesting, or at least not so fucking depressing.  

Changing your attitude isn't always easy, but if the changes are positive, the results will be as well.  I know better than just about anyone that life is going to throw things at us that are just plain fucked-up. The only thing I can truly control, is my attitude and how I choose to respond to those things.  I am still working on that, but as long as I keep working, it always gets better.  Until next time ...