You May Never Know the Difference You Make

So that last post got me thinking about the simple moments in my life that have had the greatest impact on who I have become, and believe it or not, not all of them were negative.  To be sure there were a great many negative ones, but there were also a great many positive ones as well.  I have been very fortunate in my life to have met some pretty spectacular human beings.  None of them were rich, or famous, but they were each amazing in the way they shaped my perceptions on life.

There is one particular young woman who always come to mind when I think about the people who truly made a difference in my life.  I think she may have done more for me than any other single person I have ever known, and I doubt she even remembers who I am.  I was 17 when we met, and I was 100% convinced at that time that I never wanted to have children of my own.  I had given the matter a lot of serious consideration and I had concluded that it was simply not in anyone's best interest for me to ever have kids for a variety of rational and logical reasons.

Then I met Stephanie.  Her Mother was dating my boyfriend's best friend and as a result we ended up spending a great deal of time together, especially after they all moved into an apartment together.  Stephanie was only a few months old when we met, and she had already been through more trauma and bullshit than anyone should have to endure in their entire lives.  But she was strong, she was fierce, she was so incredibly beautiful, and I loved her with all of my heart.  

I had never known a little person before.  I was never allowed to babysit as a teenager and I didn't know anyone who had babies before I met Stephanie.  She opened up a whole new perspective on the world for me, one that I had never thought I would have any interest in whatsoever.  And while I watched her young Mother struggle against incredible odds to try to find a way to make a better life for her daughter I found them both to be so very inspiring that they literally changed my life.  I mean, I sure could have never been "Mother is NOT Pleased" if I had never been a Mother!

Stephanie showed me the one thing that I had been craving all my life but had never felt before, unconditional Love.  She didn't disapprove of me, or push me away, or make me feel unworthy, she always smiled for me, she always Loved me, just because I was me.  

To be completely honest, she did more than change my life, she saved it.  I had been suicidal for years, and I honestly don't know if I would have kept fighting against it if I hadn't had my first child when I did.  He was, and always has been, my reason for living.  If Stephanie hadn't changed my mind about having children in the first place I am not sure I really would even be here today.

She is a grown woman now, and I haven't even seen her in over 15 years, but I still think about her almost every day.  I am sure she has no idea what an impact she made on my life, and that right there is the point of this entire story.  You never know how many people there are in this world whose lives have been forever altered for the better simply by your existence.  People who may have just met you in passing one day on the bus may have their destinies forever changed just by seeing your smile on a day when they needed it more than they needed air to breathe.  Never discount your effect on this world, I can almost guarantee that you have changed at least one person's life without ever realizing you had done so.  So please, as you go forward with your life, try to remember, you might just be somebody's Stephanie, and they may just need you as much as I needed her, so be kind to yourself, if not for your sake, then for theirs.  They are really gonna need it.  I know I did.